DH's ex wife

[Anonymous]

These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

[Anonymous]

OP probably won't admit it, but bet you anything she was the OW. It's such a cliche.... But it's the only reason that explains her irrational paranoia.

How's it feel being with a guy you know has it in him to be unfaithful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP probably won't admit it, but bet you anything she was the OW. It's such a cliche.... But it's the only reason that explains her irrational paranoia.

How's it feel being with a guy you know has it in him to be unfaithful?

You know, sometimes its the wife that is unfaithful and that causes the divorce. Not every second wife is the OW. I know I'm not.

[Anonymous]

I can see how that would feel awkward for you. I think you need to trust your husband. Don’t worry about his ex. Also, it’s nice for the kids that their parents still get along, look at it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Would I be ok with exdw dropping in whenever she felt like it all the time when I wasn't home? No I'd probably talk to DH about that.

Would I be ok if exdw occasionally dropped by to bring something for her son that he forgot and stopped to chat with DH in the foyer for a few minutes? Yes absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Would I be ok with exdw dropping in whenever she felt like it all the time when I wasn't home? No I'd probably talk to DH about that.

Would I be ok if exdw occasionally dropped by to bring something for her son that he forgot and stopped to chat with DH in the foyer for a few minutes? Yes absolutely.

OP said the ex is doing it regularly. I would be annoyed if there was an obvious calculation to avoid the times when I am home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why haven't you talked to your husband about this, if it bothers you?

Whatever you do, in the future:

1) Don't use your daughter as a spy

2) Don't use your nanny as a spy

3) Don't say that your stepson "lives with you," meaning you, your husband and your daughter. He doesn't "live with you," he's a part of your family. This is Ethan's home. You may want to examine that, and address it. Because if we're picking up on this vibe that you don't truly think of your stepson as family, then believe me, he's picked up on it, too.

Oh please you're projecting way too many things. It was to make the point Ethan is not her bio and he lives with them versus the mother. So obvious and no disrespect to him was obviously mean't. The DD told her whereby she confirmed it with the nanny, doesn't in any way imply she's telling them to spy for her, lol. It's her house and I assume she also helps pay the bills. She has the right to know who was there while she was gone.

Why did she find it necessary to confirm it with the nanny? I am sure the nanny now thinks OP is insecure as f***. Don't do that to your nanny, OP. If something of that nature needs confirmation, go to your spouse. You can always explain to him that you were just curious to see if dd knows what she is talking about. The nanny would not buy that explanation, but your spouse might.

Who cares what the nanny thinks?

[Anonymous]

I'm good friends with my ex-husband. We feel like family, as we have known each other forever, have raised a child together, and are fond of each other's family members.

My current husband is fine with us all hanging out. My ex's current wife doesn't really like hanging out with us, though we're cordial. I like her very much, but overall, I think she feels a little unsure around me, even though she's an accomplished woman and my ex dotes on her. I respect her feelings and try not to step on her toes.

My ex tends to arrange to hang out with me, my current husband, and our kids at times when his wife isn't around. I hope she's okay with it, but that's between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why haven't you talked to your husband about this, if it bothers you?

Whatever you do, in the future:

1) Don't use your daughter as a spy

2) Don't use your nanny as a spy

3) Don't say that your stepson "lives with you," meaning you, your husband and your daughter. He doesn't "live with you," he's a part of your family. This is Ethan's home. You may want to examine that, and address it. Because if we're picking up on this vibe that you don't truly think of your stepson as family, then believe me, he's picked up on it, too.

Oh please you're projecting way too many things. It was to make the point Ethan is not her bio and he lives with them versus the mother. So obvious and no disrespect to him was obviously mean't. The DD told her whereby she confirmed it with the nanny, doesn't in any way imply she's telling them to spy for her, lol. It's her house and I assume she also helps pay the bills. She has the right to know who was there while she was gone.

Why did she find it necessary to confirm it with the nanny? I am sure the nanny now thinks OP is insecure as f***. Don't do that to your nanny, OP. If something of that nature needs confirmation, go to your spouse. You can always explain to him that you were just curious to see if dd knows what she is talking about. The nanny would not buy that explanation, but your spouse might.

Who cares what the nanny thinks?

Everyone should. The nanny should not know that there is trouble (or even suspicions) in the home(or in her employer's marriage). It can make her very uncomfortable and can affect the way she interacts with the family and with the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Would I be ok with exdw dropping in whenever she felt like it all the time when I wasn't home? No I'd probably talk to DH about that.

Would I be ok if exdw occasionally dropped by to bring something for her son that he forgot and stopped to chat with DH in the foyer for a few minutes? Yes absolutely.

OP said the ex is doing it regularly. I would be annoyed if there was an obvious calculation to avoid the times when I am home.

OP is vague about frequency at best. But I said I would be ok with it occasionally.

Like all things this is dependant on the actual humans involved.

[Anonymous]

Op you are being paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Most I know wouldn't do that on both sides. Sounds like the ex wife has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Most I know wouldn't do that on both sides. Sounds like the ex wife has issues.

Or the ex-wife completely moved on and thinks of her ex now more like a brother or something. I hang out with my ex and when I think back, it's like we were different people. We evolved and we're like family, but the idea of being a couple with him or intimate feels as wrong and creepy as if we were truly blood relatives. It's up to you and your gut as to whether you feel that's the case here, and you have every right to set the boundaries if you're not comfortable. She's a co-parent and may be friends with your husband, but you're the queen of your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses really surprise me. So all of you women who married a man with an ex, you are totally cool with that ex being in your home whenever she feels like it, when you aren't home? I'm a re-married man who gets along with my ex just fine but not even my ex is dumb enough to think that's OK and I sure as hell wouldn't allow it out of respect for my W. I'd also respect my exW's husband enough to not be dropping in and spending time in his house whenever I felt like it when he wasn't home.

Once in a while? Sure. But as a regular thing? NFW.

Why is it disrespectful to your wife if your ex is around all the time. I am genuinely curious. OP's ex is around when her son and his father are around. it's not like the ex is hanging out one on one with the father. Their son is there with them. What is disrespectful about this?

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t sit right w/me, but if I trusted my hubby 120% then I could see it being a good thing for their mutual son.

Basically it all boils down to how well you trust your spouse overall.