DH's ex wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She loves her kid and wants to see him.

+1

That's all good. She can pick him up for visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's calculating and disrespectful as does OP. The house is her domain and the ex knows it. It's her little passive aggressive way of putting OP in her place by letting her know she can invade her personal space any time she pleases. She isn't dropping by when OP isn't there to avoid an awkward situation. She is doing it to foster a hostile situation. I doubt she is the type who ever feels awkward about such things.

This is a boatload of projection. All we know about OP is that she's freaking out about a friendly conversation and using her daughter to spy for her when she's not home. Given that, it makes perfect sense for the ex to avoid her, hell I'd avoid her if she lived on my block. The person spinning conspiracy theories out of a conversation in front of the nanny is the crazy person here, not the person who had a conversation with her ex-husband in her child's home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today my daughter told me that DH's ex wife keeps coming round when I am at work to "Drop something off for Ethan" (Ethan is DH's teenage son who lives with us.) . DD said they all stand around, chatting and laughing for a while and when I asked my nanny who looks after DD she confirmed it.
Should I be suspicious? It all seems a bit weird to me that she only does it when she knows DH is there working from home....

"keeps coming around when I am work to drop something off for Ethan". Yes that's her being stupid, and disruptive for your husband whose trying to work.

Talk to your husband, I'm sure there's a nice way for you guys to tell her to bring anything over after work hours. Or she can get more organized and not
FORGET his SHIT!! OP she sounds like a idiot!

I'd love to see OP try to intervene and manage his work day for him. Let's see where that gets her. This marriage is doomed.

[Anonymous]

There must be some custody arrangement, and it involves the DH and his XW. Not you.

If she is overstepping her custody/visitation and the DH has an issue with it, then he can address that legally. If he doesn't have an issue with his XW coming by to see her son, then it isn't really your place to say a damn thing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of that matters and none of you know her circumstances. Coming over during the day when her dh is suppose to be working is not right. She can come to pick up her son and then visit with him that way. She doesn't need to be inside of OP's home imo when she's not there. Her home is not a visiting site either. I assume she has her allotted time with her son.

I can see once or twice to bring something over to her son, BUT if this continues she should talk to DH.

It's not just OP's home, dingbat. It's Ethan's home, too. It's Ethan's dad's home, too. Those three people are a family, whether OP likes it or not.

It sounds like the ex-wife, ex-husband and son have a healthy and close relationship. That's wonderful! Now, if they were going up to Ethan's room together to sit on the bed and chat, that would be one thing. But they are not. They are *standing in a hallway.*

According to OP, it's not Ethan's home. "He lives with us." I tend to think OP thinks it's her home with Dh and her kid, and Ethan lives with them. She would never think of her own kid as living with them. If I'm wrong, why wouldn't she formulate it as, "We live together."

OP, like poster said, they're a family. You can try to intervene with that, but you'll just fight your way to dh ending up on his X-wife's couch one night, then maybe it's escalate to her bedroom. Then what? She'll end up stealing him back from you. It happens.

You're spot on here, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's calculating and disrespectful as does OP. The house is her domain and the ex knows it. It's her little passive aggressive way of putting OP in her place by letting her know she can invade her personal space any time she pleases. She isn't dropping by when OP isn't there to avoid an awkward situation. She is doing it to foster a hostile situation. I doubt she is the type who ever feels awkward about such things.

My spouse would never let his ex in the front door, lol!!! A major space invader. I would talk to my dh and he would be telling her "nicely" she can wait till work is over. Or he and OP will drop over sometime and pick it up for Ethan. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of that matters and none of you know her circumstances. Coming over during the day when her dh is suppose to be working is not right. She can come to pick up her son and then visit with him that way. She doesn't need to be inside of OP's home imo when she's not there. Her home is not a visiting site either. I assume she has her allotted time with her son.

I can see once or twice to bring something over to her son, BUT if this continues she should talk to DH.

It's not just OP's home, dingbat. It's Ethan's home, too. It's Ethan's dad's home, too. Those three people are a family, whether OP likes it or not.

It sounds like the ex-wife, ex-husband and son have a healthy and close relationship. That's wonderful! Now, if they were going up to Ethan's room together to sit on the bed and chat, that would be one thing. But they are not. They are *standing in a hallway.*

Shit for brains. Ethan and dad are family, ex is not. Plus it's her home too so she get's a say. Ethan isn't an adult so that rests on the homeowners who are OP and legal husband! It may be innocent, and he needed some stuff for school etc. If it becomes a habit OP and DH need to put a stop to it.

Let me break it down for you. A mother, a father and a child are ALWAYS a family. When divorce happens, the family lives in different households, but is still a family. When remarriage happens, the family is expanded to include step-parents and step-siblings, etc. A new nuclear family is also born, but it doesn't negate the original nuclear family.

OP gets *a say,* yes, but not THE say. If the dad and the son are OK with the ex-wife dropping by every now and then and having a brief, pleasant chat, that's fine.

Sounds like OP's husband is fine with it. OP needs to grow up.

Our exes are not part of our family in any form. Only the children are. it's not a stead fast rule obviously.

It must be when Ethan is home from school or something. OP needs to tell us more.

You mean...except the part where none of your children would exist without your exes?

How very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's calculating and disrespectful as does OP. The house is her domain and the ex knows it. It's her little passive aggressive way of putting OP in her place by letting her know she can invade her personal space any time she pleases. She isn't dropping by when OP isn't there to avoid an awkward situation. She is doing it to foster a hostile situation. I doubt she is the type who ever feels awkward about such things.

This is a boatload of projection. All we know about OP is that she's freaking out about a friendly conversation and using her daughter to spy for her when she's not home. Given that, it makes perfect sense for the ex to avoid her, hell I'd avoid her if she lived on my block. The person spinning conspiracy theories out of a conversation in front of the nanny is the crazy person here, not the person who had a conversation with her ex-husband in her child's home.

AMEN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's calculating and disrespectful as does OP. The house is her domain and the ex knows it. It's her little passive aggressive way of putting OP in her place by letting her know she can invade her personal space any time she pleases. She isn't dropping by when OP isn't there to avoid an awkward situation. She is doing it to foster a hostile situation. I doubt she is the type who ever feels awkward about such things.

My spouse would never let his ex in the front door, lol!!! A major space invader. I would talk to my dh and he would be telling her "nicely" she can wait till work is over. Or he and OP will drop over sometime and pick it up for Ethan. Problem solved.

Do you really not see how insecure this makes you look? He cannot see her without you there to supervise? It's just sad. If you don't trust him why are you with him? Or does this go back to PP's assumption that women who feel this way were the mistresses before, so that's why they can't leave their husbands alone now -- you know he's a cheater and it's just a choice you've made to build a life with one, even if it makes you act nuts?

[Anonymous]

There's obviously some bitter ex wives on here.

Sorry but there's no reason for her to "keep" doing that. If it's a few times I'd let it go.

A habit - that would stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's calculating and disrespectful as does OP. The house is her domain and the ex knows it. It's her little passive aggressive way of putting OP in her place by letting her know she can invade her personal space any time she pleases. She isn't dropping by when OP isn't there to avoid an awkward situation. She is doing it to foster a hostile situation. I doubt she is the type who ever feels awkward about such things.

My spouse would never let his ex in the front door, lol!!! A major space invader. I would talk to my dh and he would be telling her "nicely" she can wait till work is over. Or he and OP will drop over sometime and pick it up for Ethan. Problem solved.

Why? Are you afraid of her vagina? OP apparently is afraid of Ethan's mom's vagina. You gals can control what color the walls are, what kind of car you buy, where you vacation, but you can't control the relationship between child, dh, and x-wife. You'll just run your dumb marriage into the ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's obviously some bitter ex wives on here.

Sorry but there's no reason for her to "keep" doing that. If it's a few times I'd let it go.

A habit - that would stop.

I'm not a bitter x-wife. I'm team Ethan. I don't care about either woman. I care about Ethan. You apparently don't, as you're more invested in your position in the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of that matters and none of you know her circumstances. Coming over during the day when her dh is suppose to be working is not right. She can come to pick up her son and then visit with him that way. She doesn't need to be inside of OP's home imo when she's not there. Her home is not a visiting site either. I assume she has her allotted time with her son.

I can see once or twice to bring something over to her son, BUT if this continues she should talk to DH.

It's not just OP's home, dingbat. It's Ethan's home, too. It's Ethan's dad's home, too. Those three people are a family, whether OP likes it or not.

It sounds like the ex-wife, ex-husband and son have a healthy and close relationship. That's wonderful! Now, if they were going up to Ethan's room together to sit on the bed and chat, that would be one thing. But they are not. They are *standing in a hallway.*

Shit for brains. Ethan and dad are family, ex is not. Plus it's her home too so she get's a say. Ethan isn't an adult so that rests on the homeowners who are OP and legal husband! It may be innocent, and he needed some stuff for school etc. If it becomes a habit OP and DH need to put a stop to it.

Let me break it down for you. A mother, a father and a child are ALWAYS a family. When divorce happens, the family lives in different households, but is still a family. When remarriage happens, the family is expanded to include step-parents and step-siblings, etc. A new nuclear family is also born, but it doesn't negate the original nuclear family.

OP gets *a say,* yes, but not THE say. If the dad and the son are OK with the ex-wife dropping by every now and then and having a brief, pleasant chat, that's fine.

Sounds like OP's husband is fine with it. OP needs to grow up.

Our exes are not part of our family in any form. Only the children are. it's not a stead fast rule obviously.

It must be when Ethan is home from school or something. OP needs to tell us more.

You mean...except the part where none of your children would exist without your exes?

How very sad.

They're family with their kids, not the divorced ex. It's not sad and sounds like you haven't moved on in your personal life and should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's obviously some bitter ex wives on here.

Sorry but there's no reason for her to "keep" doing that. If it's a few times I'd let it go.

A habit - that would stop.

I'm not a bitter x-wife. I'm team Ethan. I don't care about either woman. I care about Ethan. You apparently don't, as you're more invested in your position in the household.

You're a major projector. There's no team, merely boundaries and the ex may be crossing hers.

OP needs to give us more info. Thanks but I'll wait for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of that matters and none of you know her circumstances. Coming over during the day when her dh is suppose to be working is not right. She can come to pick up her son and then visit with him that way. She doesn't need to be inside of OP's home imo when she's not there. Her home is not a visiting site either. I assume she has her allotted time with her son.

I can see once or twice to bring something over to her son, BUT if this continues she should talk to DH.

It's not just OP's home, dingbat. It's Ethan's home, too. It's Ethan's dad's home, too. Those three people are a family, whether OP likes it or not.

It sounds like the ex-wife, ex-husband and son have a healthy and close relationship. That's wonderful! Now, if they were going up to Ethan's room together to sit on the bed and chat, that would be one thing. But they are not. They are *standing in a hallway.*

Shit for brains. Ethan and dad are family, ex is not. Plus it's her home too so she get's a say. Ethan isn't an adult so that rests on the homeowners who are OP and legal husband! It may be innocent, and he needed some stuff for school etc. If it becomes a habit OP and DH need to put a stop to it.

Let me break it down for you. A mother, a father and a child are ALWAYS a family. When divorce happens, the family lives in different households, but is still a family. When remarriage happens, the family is expanded to include step-parents and step-siblings, etc. A new nuclear family is also born, but it doesn't negate the original nuclear family.

OP gets *a say,* yes, but not THE say. If the dad and the son are OK with the ex-wife dropping by every now and then and having a brief, pleasant chat, that's fine.

Sounds like OP's husband is fine with it. OP needs to grow up.

Our exes are not part of our family in any form. Only the children are. it's not a stead fast rule obviously.

It must be when Ethan is home from school or something. OP needs to tell us more.

You mean...except the part where none of your children would exist without your exes?

How very sad.

They're family with their kids, not the divorced ex. It's not sad and sounds like you haven't moved on in your personal life and should.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm happily married for seven years with two wonderful children. First and only marriage for both my husband and I. But I know from experience with other family members and friends that it is entirely possible to have true family dynamics with ex-spouses and step-children.

My cousin and her ex-husband and son go out to dinner, as a FAMILY, on a regular basis; both spouses have remarried. But they keep family ties for the sake of their child.