Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

But don't you see that a birthday party plus a sleepover is different? It is way more exciting for the kids. Either the op's dd invite only the four sleepover friends and not the other five OR have the sleepover another date when it will be seen as a ho-hum event.

No, I don't, they are not 6 year olds. Sleepover after party is absolutely the same as a sleepover a week before or after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

Huh?

Lots of kids can't stay for a sleepover after the party because they have another sleepover scheduled. That was our experience. In order to schedule a real sleepover party my kid had to have essentially a "hold the date" around 6 weeks in advance.

OK. That still doesn't make this whole "have a birthday then only invite a few to sleepover" right...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

But don't you see that a birthday party plus a sleepover is different? It is way more exciting for the kids. Either the op's dd invite only the four sleepover friends and not the other five OR have the sleepover another date when it will be seen as a ho-hum event.

No, I don't, they are not 6 year olds. Sleepover after party is absolutely the same as a sleepover a week before or after.

Then only invite the kids you want to sleep over. Are you that desperate for presents? It is wrong and you and your family are rude. If it was done to you than you would think differently. Why would you want to hurt an 11 year old's feelings when it is completely unnecessary? It is kinder not to invite them than to have two different parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

But don't you see that a birthday party plus a sleepover is different? It is way more exciting for the kids. Either the op's dd invite only the four sleepover friends and not the other five OR have the sleepover another date when it will be seen as a ho-hum event.

No, I don't, they are not 6 year olds. Sleepover after party is absolutely the same as a sleepover a week before or after.

Then only invite the kids you want to sleep over. Are you that desperate for presents? It is wrong and you and your family are rude. If it was done to you than you would think differently. Why would you want to hurt an 11 year old's feelings when it is completely unnecessary? It is kinder not to invite them than to have two different parties.

I am the PP where kids invite themselves to sleep over, plan their party and I just agree to sleepovers. I don't invite anyone, I don't prepare, I am just helping. I don't care how many sleepover. Presents? Where did that come from?

[Anonymous]

It's rude, it really does come across as having a two-tiered guest list. Have the sleepover another night.

My DD was invited to a party when she was 12 and some kids did sleep over, they had an early soccer game the next morning and the birthday parent offered to drive them all. That made things easier for the kids, there was no sneaky attempt to hide it (do you people who think you're so clever at hiding it really think the kids don't know?!) making it seem even worse, and the kids knew the soccer kids weren't going to be staying up late having a party into the wee hours. Even then, there was disappointment to deal with, and if I'd known the situation I probably wouldn't have sent my DD - at 12 she was very aware of disappointment and sometimes let it overshadow joy. There are enough life lessons to let you learn how to deal with that, no need to add extras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ugh. sorry for all the typos. Meant to say:



It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they're included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regarding structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get feel any less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not the center of anyone's universe.

Huh. I somehow learned that life isn't always fair and that I'm not the center of anyone's universe without hosting a two-tiered guest list birthday party or not being invited to an after-birthday sleepover - probably because my parents (my very traditional, conservative, hardly "feel-good" parents, might I add) would have NEVER allowed it. They were tough on us. They did not allow us to be rude or do things that deliberately might hurt someone's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very rude, but I know people do it. It happened that my daughter was one of the not included sleep over guests. Sleeping bags were in the hall way, so obvious.

Interesting also that you think it's ok to teach your kid (and the subset of besties) to essentially lie to their other "friends" by not saying anything.

Really rude and selfish.

In and of itself, I don't think the bolded is a bad idea.

It is rude to talk about a party others aren't invited to. That doesn't mean you are lying about the party to other people, you are just being polite to not mention it in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Are you really that dense? You sound like you don't care about anyone else other than yourself and your child. But do you you want girls coming over to your house to celebrate your child's birthday to leave with bad feelings about the experience because they were not among those sleeping over? How is that good for your own child? They might take it as a terrible snub and then next time your DD may be the one with hurt feelings.

You sound defensive and overly sensitive. My DD has been on the receiving end of it and was just fine, thank you. Because I talk to my child and she understands that she can't be invited to everything and it doesn't mean the bday child doesn't like her. And, frankly, anyone who would take it as a "terrible snub" likely won't be a long-term friend anyway. I think you're taking it more personally than the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

This post made me laugh out loud. You don't know what the eff you're talking about and no exactly nothing about my DD. Just goes to show not to make assumptions. But if you equate this as "exclusion" you have terrible issues. Let me guess, you're the one constantly posting that their obsessing over FB posts of people out with friends and you weren't invited? My DD deals with "exclusion" in a more adult manner than you're representing here.

[Anonymous]

^^^ know, not no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

+1. Keep the party small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

I paid my kid not to have a party and will gladly pay again, so gift grab is not applicable. The drama around sleepover is amazing. No wonder there are so many adult posts about ruined friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

This post made me laugh out loud. You don't know what the eff you're talking about and no exactly nothing about my DD. Just goes to show not to make assumptions. But if you equate this as "exclusion" you have terrible issues. Let me guess, you're the one constantly posting that their obsessing over FB posts of people out with friends and you weren't invited? My DD deals with "exclusion" in a more adult manner than you're representing here.

So according to you it would be totally socially appropriate to invite Harvey, Irma, Maria and Joseph over for dinner at your home and at the conclusion of the meal thank Harvey and Irma for coming with only Maria and Joseph staying for dessert since well, you have known them longer?

[Anonymous]

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags

Oh!! like the other girls will never find out .... oooh a secret ... now, remember we need to keep this secret from the others ..
sorry, you may think you are being well intentioned, but no, it's rude.