Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some say your daughter will be inviting people to her wedding but saying she doesn't have room for them to attend the reception afterwards that is only for "real" guests.

There are plenty of weddings with specific rules who attends what. I loved the one my friend did: a.m. ceremony for everyone (Catholic), a bus to load all the relatives to the first reception, no friends there except for those in the wedding, night party for friends. Only their parents stayed for both. Different music, different food, different alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

Rule of thumb. Generally if you have to sneak and hide something, you aren't doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

massive party, two best friends sleep over totally fine.
small party with 9 and half sleep over. no way.

[Anonymous]

Totally rude, have a backbone. Why do you let your dd call the shots?

[Anonymous]

All those saying is rude, do you ever get surprised that somebody who you think was a friend turned out to be not a friend . Where your kids surprised? They were not friends, they were polite

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it happens all the time with my kids. They will have a big party and then only invite 3-5 for a sleepover. No one bats an eye because it is so common. My daughter usually gets invited to the sleepovers (she's not allowed) so she stays until 11 and I pick her up then. But there have been a couple of occasions when she is friends with the birthday girl, but not one of her best friends so she hasn't been invited to the sleepover. She's fine with that also. My son has reached the age we allow sleepovers, so he stays for the ones when he is invited to stay or I pick up after the party when the party is not from one of his best friends. I think the problem would be when the best friends are a group of 5 and one of them is not invited. But you as the parent must know why your child's best friends are (and so do all their classmates).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

If what you're doing isn't rude, why the need to be "surprisingly discreet," not tell others, or have the parents sneak in overnight gear? If there's never hard feelings, it shouldn't be a big deal for the boys to talk about it openly, no?

[Anonymous]

Wow. I've never heard of this and can't imagine doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11 YO DD is having a bday party next weekend with 9 girls. Today she asked if 3 could sleepover. I'm thinking it's rude to only invite a subset to stay overnight. DD doesn't agree and says that the girls staying overnight won't say anything and will keep it to themselves. She nor I want all of them to stay over. What do you think?

of course it's rude. The fact that your DD suggests that the girls staying overnight won't say anything and will keep it to themselves suggests she knows it's rude, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

. My sons' feelings would be hurt. Any other night for the sleepover is fine. The kids are never quiet about it. Not to be mean, but out of excitement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it happens all the time with my kids. They will have a big party and then only invite 3-5 for a sleepover. No one bats an eye because it is so common. My daughter usually gets invited to the sleepovers (she's not allowed) so she stays until 11 and I pick her up then. But there have been a couple of occasions when she is friends with the birthday girl, but not one of her best friends so she hasn't been invited to the sleepover. She's fine with that also. My son has reached the age we allow sleepovers, so he stays for the ones when he is invited to stay or I pick up after the party when the party is not from one of his best friends. I think the problem would be when the best friends are a group of 5 and one of them is not invited. But you as the parent must know why your child's best friends are (and so do all their classmates).

Just because it is common doesn't mean there aren't hurt feelings. When did it become so ok to be an asshole?

[Anonymous]

Where do you guys live that this is so common? It's honestly not something I've heard of in my decade of raising tweens in MoCo.

[Anonymous]

Definitely will cause hurt feelings. I just invited my daughter to have one friend (of the 24) on her team yesterday doesn the night and apparently it caused a ton of drama. Then again, my daughter hangs out with a bunch of drama queens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it happens all the time with my kids. They will have a big party and then only invite 3-5 for a sleepover. No one bats an eye because it is so common. My daughter usually gets invited to the sleepovers (she's not allowed) so she stays until 11 and I pick her up then. But there have been a couple of occasions when she is friends with the birthday girl, but not one of her best friends so she hasn't been invited to the sleepover. She's fine with that also. My son has reached the age we allow sleepovers, so he stays for the ones when he is invited to stay or I pick up after the party when the party is not from one of his best friends. I think the problem would be when the best friends are a group of 5 and one of them is not invited. But you as the parent must know why your child's best friends are (and so do all their classmates).

Just because it is common doesn't mean there aren't hurt feelings. When did it become so ok to be an asshole?

When did it become "everyone is close friends with everyone"? Wait, I know. It came with participation trophies.

[Anonymous]

It is not rude, it's super okay.

And then you can invite 2 out of 3 to Orlando next morning and 1 out of 2 to enter a park there. Inside the park, only your daughter will eat lunch while the other girl watches. Such a cool birthday. It's a Reality Show Birthday and your daughter, of course, will be the winner! She eliminates some guests every phase. Go for it!