Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Polly had a party but excluded some of the girls from only some girls could stay for the sleepover.

Corrected that for you.

Polly had a party but only some of the girls could stay for the sleepover because they were not invited and thus excluded from half of the event.

[Anonymous]

If the daughter is anything like some of these whiny moms, no wonder she isn't getting invited to the sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

New poster here. Nope, I don't agree. I have 4 kids and we have done this numerous times. Parties at venues are expensive. With venue, pizza, cake and favors we spend between $500 and $1000 for a 2-3 hour party. Our kids are different ages so we invite between 10-25 kids depending on the venue to the actual party. Then my kids invite between 2-5 kids for a sleepover (always their closest friends). The sleepover costs us almost nothing (movie rental, popcorn, fast dinner). So not a gift grab when the main event is when all are invited. My children have been invited to sleepovers after parties and they have also not been invited. My second youngest one was sad on one occasion (she was 10) because she really liked the birthday girl. I just had a conversation with her about how in life you don't always get invited/get to participate in everything, and that it is ok. She got over it really quick. It's reality. We need to prepare our kids for the world and how to deal with disappointment even if it makes us sad to see them sad. You don't always get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

New poster here. Nope, I don't agree. I have 4 kids and we have done this numerous times. Parties at venues are expensive. With venue, pizza, cake and favors we spend between $500 and $1000 for a 2-3 hour party. Our kids are different ages so we invite between 10-25 kids depending on the venue to the actual party. Then my kids invite between 2-5 kids for a sleepover (always their closest friends). The sleepover costs us almost nothing (movie rental, popcorn, fast dinner). So not a gift grab when the main event is when all are invited. My children have been invited to sleepovers after parties and they have also not been invited. My second youngest one was sad on one occasion (she was 10) because she really liked the birthday girl. I just had a conversation with her about how in life you don't always get invited/get to participate in everything, and that it is ok. She got over it really quick. It's reality. We need to prepare our kids for the world and how to deal with disappointment even if it makes us sad to see them sad. You don't always get what you want.

I have a 9 and just turned 12-year old boy and this is INCREDIBLY common and more the norm than not. This is a big group of boys--15-20+ who have known each since K. They love getting together and often after the big party-- a few kids stay for the sleepover. We've been on both ends of the equation (it's always been very discreet) and there haven't been hard feelings. There are many 'subsets' of friends in this group---1 or 2 besties, etc. Maybe because we live close-in and people don't have these gigantic homes---but giant sleepovers aren't common in the boy set.

There is also the fact many of these boys play travel sports and the sleepovers have a cutoff sleep time of 10-10:30pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

New poster here. Nope, I don't agree. I have 4 kids and we have done this numerous times. Parties at venues are expensive. With venue, pizza, cake and favors we spend between $500 and $1000 for a 2-3 hour party. Our kids are different ages so we invite between 10-25 kids depending on the venue to the actual party. Then my kids invite between 2-5 kids for a sleepover (always their closest friends). The sleepover costs us almost nothing (movie rental, popcorn, fast dinner). So not a gift grab when the main event is when all are invited. My children have been invited to sleepovers after parties and they have also not been invited. My second youngest one was sad on one occasion (she was 10) because she really liked the birthday girl. I just had a conversation with her about how in life you don't always get invited/get to participate in everything, and that it is ok. She got over it really quick. It's reality. We need to prepare our kids for the world and how to deal with disappointment even if it makes us sad to see them sad. You don't always get what you want.

While this is true, I also see value in raising children to be kind, inclusive and considerate of others. Having a secret sleepover after a birthday party is the opposite of that IMO. I still have not heard a valid reason as to why you can't just limit the number of kids at the birthday party itself. The fact that you want a ton of kids to come to the main party DOES suggest it's a gift grab unless of course you explicitly ask for no gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

New poster here. Nope, I don't agree. I have 4 kids and we have done this numerous times. Parties at venues are expensive. With venue, pizza, cake and favors we spend between $500 and $1000 for a 2-3 hour party. Our kids are different ages so we invite between 10-25 kids depending on the venue to the actual party. Then my kids invite between 2-5 kids for a sleepover (always their closest friends). The sleepover costs us almost nothing (movie rental, popcorn, fast dinner). So not a gift grab when the main event is when all are invited. My children have been invited to sleepovers after parties and they have also not been invited. My second youngest one was sad on one occasion (she was 10) because she really liked the birthday girl. I just had a conversation with her about how in life you don't always get invited/get to participate in everything, and that it is ok. She got over it really quick. It's reality. We need to prepare our kids for the world and how to deal with disappointment even if it makes us sad to see them sad. You don't always get what you want.

While this is true, I also see value in raising children to be kind, inclusive and considerate of others. Having a secret sleepover after a birthday party is the opposite of that IMO. I still have not heard a valid reason as to why you can't just limit the number of kids at the birthday party itself. The fact that you want a ton of kids to come to the main party DOES suggest it's a gift grab unless of course you explicitly ask for no gifts.

Yup +1 - And the idea that you should exclude kids so they can get used to being disappointed and excluded is the most absurd thing and a total red herring! This has literally never happened within our children's groups.

[Anonymous]

DOES suggest it's a gift grab

The concept of gift grab and kids' parties don't really connect for me. It's much cheaper not to have a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DOES suggest it's a gift grab

The concept of gift grab and kids' parties don't really connect for me. It's much cheaper not to have a party.

And I've gone to so many "no gift" parties.

Trust me, most mothers I know do not want more toys/crap in their house.