Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

[Anonymous]

ugh. sorry for all the typos. Meant to say:



It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they're included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regarding structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get feel any less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not the center of anyone's universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

I agree with this OP. My kids have been on both sides - the invited to stay, and the not invited to stay. They need to learn to live with it. At 11, kids are old enough to choose their closest friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

I agree with this OP. My kids have been on both sides - the invited to stay, and the not invited to stay. They need to learn to live with it. At 11, kids are old enough to choose their closest friends.

Of course they are. They are also old enough to learn how to behave, and what type of behviour is rude and inappropriate. But they will apparently not be learning that from you.

[Anonymous]

We've done it. Last year, 2 girls out of about 15 stayed the night. I texted the moms and told them that I was letting her have 2 friends stay over. They were discreet at drop off, my DC didn't talk about it, and it was not mentioned during or afterwards. Maybe some of the kids found out but not sure. No one ever said anything.

Sorry, the party was over by that point. That being so, I see nothing wrong with it so long as you're discreet. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

[Anonymous]

2/15 girls is totally fine. 3-4/9, less okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Are you really that dense? You sound like you don't care about anyone else other than yourself and your child. But do you you want girls coming over to your house to celebrate your child's birthday to leave with bad feelings about the experience because they were not among those sleeping over? How is that good for your own child? They might take it as a terrible snub and then next time your DD may be the one with hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Yes. I am the pp. that is the same scenario. 2 best buds out of the 15 or so at the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

There is a massive difference between inviting 4 friends out to dinner and not inviting other people, but to invite everyone but only select a few to stay is absolutely unkind and hurtful. It would be like inviting 4 people to dinner but only asking two to stay for dessert. That you don't see that is astounding. I mean this is manners 101.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

[Anonymous]

I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

NP here. Honestly, you sound awful. You and your daughter have terrible manners.