Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

I continue to be amazed at the posters on this thread defending the secret after-party sleepovers. I am willing to bet that these same people would be offended if this happened to them in an adult setting. They would be posting all over DCUM about how rude and "low class" it was of the host to invite them for only a part of the festivities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I continue to be amazed at the posters on this thread defending the secret after-party sleepovers. I am willing to bet that these same people would be offended if this happened to them in an adult setting. They would be posting all over DCUM about how rude and "low class" it was of the host to invite them for only a part of the festivities.

+1. It is undoubtedly rude. If you can't put it on the invitation then you know that you are slighting some and favoring others. Unless it is one, out-of-town friend, or a cousin there isn't any delineation except who is A-list v. B-list guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

I paid my kid not to have a party and will gladly pay again, so gift grab is not applicable. The drama around sleepover is amazing. No wonder there are so many adult posts about ruined friendships.

Well, it's not that surprising. As evidenced by OP and others, there seem to be a lot of people who think only of themselves and are raising another generation of girls to do the same.

[Anonymous]

No Op, unless it's a houseguest like a cousin, or friend who moved away visiting from out of town. That's the only "special circumstance" to exclude others.

[Anonymous]

I think it'd kinda rude. I'd invite them all to sleepover, or none. Its not that big of a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

I paid my kid not to have a party and will gladly pay again, so gift grab is not applicable. The drama around sleepover is amazing. No wonder there are so many adult posts about ruined friendships.

Well, it's not that surprising. As evidenced by OP and others, there seem to be a lot of people who think only of themselves and are raising another generation of girls to do the same.

It's about confusing real friendship with social circle "friends". People confuse manners and politeness with friendship and get offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags

Oh!! like the other girls will never find out .... oooh a secret ... now, remember we need to keep this secret from the others ..
sorry, you may think you are being well intentioned, but no, it's rude.

No one's answered this yet: if it's not rude, why the need to be discreet about hiding sleeping bags, not having girls talk about it, etc.? If it's totally fine, wouldn't you be OK with just sharing it openly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags

Oh!! like the other girls will never find out .... oooh a secret ... now, remember we need to keep this secret from the others ..
sorry, you may think you are being well intentioned, but no, it's rude.

No one's answered this yet: if it's not rude, why the need to be discreet about hiding sleeping bags, not having girls talk about it, etc.? If it's totally fine, wouldn't you be OK with just sharing it openly?

PP who is ok with it but without any hiding. Hiding would never be okay for our parties. I don't think anyone ever tried to hide it. If someone did, it was CIA worthy.

[Anonymous]

You people are way to invested in your children's social life.

I know my mother didn't agonize and chest beat over this shit when I was a kid.

Grow up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags

Oh!! like the other girls will never find out .... oooh a secret ... now, remember we need to keep this secret from the others ..
sorry, you may think you are being well intentioned, but no, it's rude.

No one's answered this yet: if it's not rude, why the need to be discreet about hiding sleeping bags, not having girls talk about it, etc.? If it's totally fine, wouldn't you be OK with just sharing it openly?

NP here. Because of people like you, who will find any reason to be offended. That's why. I have seen at least half a dozen posts that are all variations of "should I be offended...?" recently. Some people actually DO look for reasons to be hurt or offended. Those people are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags

Oh!! like the other girls will never find out .... oooh a secret ... now, remember we need to keep this secret from the others ..
sorry, you may think you are being well intentioned, but no, it's rude.

No one's answered this yet: if it's not rude, why the need to be discreet about hiding sleeping bags, not having girls talk about it, etc.? If it's totally fine, wouldn't you be OK with just sharing it openly?

NP here. Because of people like you, who will find any reason to be offended. That's why. I have seen at least half a dozen posts that are all variations of "should I be offended...?" recently. Some people actually DO look for reasons to be hurt or offended. Those people are exhausting.

Yes this. It's not hard to see that people may have hurt feelings. That is not the barometer of rude or wrong, however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think it's ok to invite only a subset of party guests to sleep over, why invite the others to the party in the first place?? Why not just limit the party to ONLY the kids who are going to sleep over? Honestly, it seems like a blatant gift grab to invite 15 kids to a b-day party but then have a "secret" party afterward that only 2 or 3 "close" friends are invited to.

This!

Not "this." In my instance, where we had 2 sleepover after, we asked for no gifts. If people insisted, we asked for donations to the local animal shelter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

This post made me laugh out loud. You don't know what the eff you're talking about and no exactly nothing about my DD. Just goes to show not to make assumptions. But if you equate this as "exclusion" you have terrible issues. Let me guess, you're the one constantly posting that their obsessing over FB posts of people out with friends and you weren't invited? My DD deals with "exclusion" in a more adult manner than you're representing here.

So according to you it would be totally socially appropriate to invite Harvey, Irma, Maria and Joseph over for dinner at your home and at the conclusion of the meal thank Harvey and Irma for coming with only Maria and Joseph staying for dessert since well, you have known them longer?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? No, it would not be appropriate b/c dessert is part of the meal. The sleepover was not. It was after the "no gifts" party, after I fed them, entertained them, and gave out goodie bags. Everyone had a good time. And two children discretely stayed over (no, I have no way to prove they never found out but I didn't rub it in their faces, the same way I don't talk about other social engagements in front of other adults).

Look, if you want to judge me as a "mean girl" or a bitch or rude or whatever from one decision, that's fine. If I defend myself with examples of my friendships and good things I do (which are many), you'll find some way to complain. It's a no win situation. But, lucky for me, I don't need your approval. It all worked out and i would do it again. You are way, way too invested in your child's social life and way to sensitive to "exclusion." I fundamentally disagree that this was exclusion but so be it. Carry on and flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

This post made me laugh out loud. You don't know what the eff you're talking about and no exactly nothing about my DD. Just goes to show not to make assumptions. But if you equate this as "exclusion" you have terrible issues. Let me guess, you're the one constantly posting that their obsessing over FB posts of people out with friends and you weren't invited? My DD deals with "exclusion" in a more adult manner than you're representing here.

So according to you it would be totally socially appropriate to invite Harvey, Irma, Maria and Joseph over for dinner at your home and at the conclusion of the meal thank Harvey and Irma for coming with only Maria and Joseph staying for dessert since well, you have known them longer?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? No, it would not be appropriate b/c dessert is part of the meal. The sleepover was not. It was after the "no gifts" party, after I fed them, entertained them, and gave out goodie bags. Everyone had a good time. And two children discretely stayed over (no, I have no way to prove they never found out but I didn't rub it in their faces, the same way I don't talk about other social engagements in front of other adults).

Look, if you want to judge me as a "mean girl" or a bitch or rude or whatever from one decision, that's fine. If I defend myself with examples of my friendships and good things I do (which are many), you'll find some way to complain. It's a no win situation. But, lucky for me, I don't need your approval. It all worked out and i would do it again. You are way, way too invested in your child's social life and way to sensitive to "exclusion." I fundamentally disagree that this was exclusion but so be it. Carry on and flame away.

If dessert is part of the meal, how is the sleepover not part of the party. Come on! In any event, I don't know if you are a good or a bad person, what I do know is that your stace on this is less than kind. Good people don't always do the right thing. The fact that you feel the need to even make mention of the friendships you have and the good things you do means that at some level you know this isn't right or kind. And the definition of "exclusion" is as follows: the act or an instance of excluding or the state of being excluded. Example sentence: Polly had a party but excluded some of the girls from the sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's close friends had a massive party and a handful of girls slept over. It wasn't weird or rude at all. None of the girls discussed it and the kids who slept over had been really good friends for years mixed in with many newer friends from a brand new school.

+1

This is common in my boys circle. They are surprisingly discreet and don't tell others. Parents sneak in overnight gear.

We've been on both sides.

Maybe there's less "mean girl" type stuff amongst boys--but never hard feelings. Hug group of friends with smaller closer subsets.

We’ve done this, but only with 1-2 kids sleeping over. We also were discrete about hiding the sleeping bags. But almost half the party sleeping over is too much in my opinion.

Because you couldn't do it another day?

Honestly I don't really know what's wrong with people like you.

Honestly, why? Why should I have to schedule a separate sleepover AFTER the party is over? Even if the other kids find out about it, this is a small disappointment in the scheme of things. Instead of complaining, YOU can talk to your child about how you cannot always be invited (just has I have with my own and she has lived to tell about it).

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the genesis of the mean girl. Why on earth would I modify what I want to do to accommodate others? You might want to talk to YOUR child about tact, and courtesy and how just because it is your birthday doesn't mean you get to do everything you want. I can see your daughter as the annoying one who is parading around the bar in a tiara and a sash demanding drinks because "ITS MY BIRTHDAY!"

This post made me laugh out loud. You don't know what the eff you're talking about and no exactly nothing about my DD. Just goes to show not to make assumptions. But if you equate this as "exclusion" you have terrible issues. Let me guess, you're the one constantly posting that their obsessing over FB posts of people out with friends and you weren't invited? My DD deals with "exclusion" in a more adult manner than you're representing here.

So according to you it would be totally socially appropriate to invite Harvey, Irma, Maria and Joseph over for dinner at your home and at the conclusion of the meal thank Harvey and Irma for coming with only Maria and Joseph staying for dessert since well, you have known them longer?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? No, it would not be appropriate b/c dessert is part of the meal. The sleepover was not. It was after the "no gifts" party, after I fed them, entertained them, and gave out goodie bags. Everyone had a good time. And two children discretely stayed over (no, I have no way to prove they never found out but I didn't rub it in their faces, the same way I don't talk about other social engagements in front of other adults).

Look, if you want to judge me as a "mean girl" or a bitch or rude or whatever from one decision, that's fine. If I defend myself with examples of my friendships and good things I do (which are many), you'll find some way to complain. It's a no win situation. But, lucky for me, I don't need your approval. It all worked out and i would do it again. You are way, way too invested in your child's social life and way to sensitive to "exclusion." I fundamentally disagree that this was exclusion but so be it. Carry on and flame away.

If dessert is part of the meal, how is the sleepover not part of the party. Come on! In any event, I don't know if you are a good or a bad person, what I do know is that your stace on this is less than kind. Good people don't always do the right thing. The fact that you feel the need to even make mention of the friendships you have and the good things you do means that at some level you know this isn't right or kind. And the definition of "exclusion" is as follows: the act or an instance of excluding or the state of being excluded. Example sentence: Polly had a party but excluded some of the girls from the sleepover.

This x100. The PPP is excluding some invitees to part of the celebration. Apparently she doesn't mind people knowing because she has "examples" of her friendship, or something.