Bday Party Question? Invite just 3-4 out of 9 to sleepover (is it rude?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ugh. sorry for all the typos. Meant to say:



It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they're included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regarding structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get feel any less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not the center of anyone's universe.

So we should teach our kids to be mean because life is not fair??
WTFFFF???
Maybe I would rather teach my kid to be considerate of other people's feelings because life will present plenty of other opportunities for them to be hurt, no need for us to pile on being selfish assholes.
You don't have to be friends with everyone, but that does not mean you get to be a jerk to those you only like a little bit, enough to come to your party and give you presents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ugh. sorry for all the typos. Meant to say:



It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they're included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regarding structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get feel any less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not the center of anyone's universe.

So we should teach our kids to be mean because life is not fair??
WTFFFF???
Maybe I would rather teach my kid to be considerate of other people's feelings because life will present plenty of other opportunities for them to be hurt, no need for us to pile on being selfish assholes.
You don't have to be friends with everyone, but that does not mean you get to be a jerk to those you only like a little bit, enough to come to your party and give you presents.

+1

[Anonymous]

The way it went with my kids is the following.
We plan a party, kids are invited. Questions come in, from kids: "Can A sleep over?". A day later: "Can B sleep over?". And so it goes. Everyone, who asked stayed (sometimes parents asked, so they can have their date night). I don't really care if it's two or three or ten. Never had more than half stayed.

[Anonymous]

This seems so amazingly rude and unnecessary. Why not just have the sleepover another time or keep,the party small enough to invite alll the kids to sleepover?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way it went with my kids is the following.
We plan a party, kids are invited. Questions come in, from kids: "Can A sleep over?". A day later: "Can B sleep over?". And so it goes. Everyone, who asked stayed (sometimes parents asked, so they can have their date night). I don't really care if it's two or three or ten. Never had more than half stayed.

If you don't care, then why not put out the offer to the whole guest list? Because I'm sure the kids who weren't staying felt left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The way it went with my kids is the following.
We plan a party, kids are invited. Questions come in, from kids: "Can A sleep over?". A day later: "Can B sleep over?". And so it goes. Everyone, who asked stayed (sometimes parents asked, so they can have their date night). I don't really care if it's two or three or ten. Never had more than half stayed.

If you don't care, then why not put out the offer to the whole guest list? Because I'm sure the kids who weren't staying felt left out.

Because I don't plan 10-12yo social life or parties. I only provide "supervision", money and space. Kids were not planning anything in secret. Not everyone likes sleepovers, not everyone can stay. There were no written invitations. They estimated the food amounts themselves (and were right on), planned all the activities, decorated, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ugh. sorry for all the typos. Meant to say:



It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they're included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regarding structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get feel any less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not the center of anyone's universe.

I disagree. My totally checked out, let us wander unsupervised from dawn til dusk Midwestern-born parents wouldn't let me do this in the 1970s. I know, be cause I asked. Just because you were raised with no manners to think this is ok doesn't mean you aren't being rude. Your parents failed you. Don't continue the cycle by raising low-class, ill-mannered kids of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11 YO DD is having a bday party next weekend with 9 girls. Today she asked if 3 could sleepover. I'm thinking it's rude to only invite a subset to stay overnight. DD doesn't agree and says that the girls staying overnight won't say anything and will keep it to themselves. She nor I want all of them to stay over. What do you think?

VERY RUDE. This happened to my DD and she was very hurt when she realized that there was an "A" party and a "B" party. The A party people got the regular birthday plus sleepover. Everyone knew this when the parents picked up our "B" list DDs. I know it is easy to have it all on the same day but, please don't. If you had asked before you invited the nine I would have suggested just inviting the 4 you want to sleep over. But, since that ship has sailed I would do the sleep over on another date. Don't let you DD be the mean girl and exclude her friends. ( unless the only reason she is inviting them is to get presents) If that is the case it may be a lost cause and you have raised a mean girl.

If you want to turn the ship around than do the right thing and do not have two separate parties. The other girls will find out and will be hurt. How would you DD like it if her friend did that to her? That's how I would approach it.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

But don't you see that a birthday party plus a sleepover is different? It is way more exciting for the kids. Either the op's dd invite only the four sleepover friends and not the other five OR have the sleepover another date when it will be seen as a ho-hum event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

Let's see what happens when your DD invites those "B" list guests and they say no. Or they stop inviting your DD. Then you will come on and say "everyone is mean to my DD and they won't come to her parties" If you can choose to be kind and inclusive why would you choose to be mean and exclusive?. Sure, life is unfair and the world is a cruel place but, why not make it a little nicer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's completely fine OP.

I've seen it happen many times. Sometimes my kids are among the kids invited to sleep over, sometimes not.

LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT FAIRNESS! Kids need to learn that sometimes they are included, sometimes they're not. There is a crazy amount of helicoptering that goes on in DCUM regardless structuring kids' lives so they are never excluded from anything and never get their feed less than super special. Honestly, it is much better for your kids to realize from an early age that they're not invited to everything.

Let's see what happens when your DD invites those "B" list guests and they say no. Or they stop inviting your DD. Then you will come on and say "everyone is mean to my DD and they won't come to her parties" If you can choose to be kind and inclusive why would you choose to be mean and exclusive?. Sure, life is unfair and the world is a cruel place but, why not make it a little nicer?

+1. "Parenting should be less about teaching our kids that the world is a dark, unforgiving place. Parenting should be more about preparing our kids to go out in the world equipped to make it a little less dark and unforgiving."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage my DD to rsvp NO to this party, whether she was a common guest or a special sleepover guest. I would not want my DD to be friends with this birthday girl.

This. We would probably quietly steer our daughter away from the kind of people who think this is OK.

How often are sleepovers with your kids that sleepover is a big deal. Every weekend there is at least one sleepover.

Huh?

Lots of kids can't stay for a sleepover after the party because they have another sleepover scheduled. That was our experience. In order to schedule a real sleepover party my kid had to have essentially a "hold the date" around 6 weeks in advance.