Help me figure out how to see my grandkids more often!

[Anonymous]

You seem like a whole lot of work. You asked for advice but win't take any so just resign yourself to not seeing those kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm first to admit I can be irrationally upset. I feel like when I go school week days, that my being there is an intrusion. I can tell my DIL maybe mad because she either has to cook more or fancier food because I'm there or order out. Everyone is rushed and I can tell I'm messing up the routine. It's uncomfortable. Nobody makes me feel welcome.

My son works some Saturdays so I know DIL makes time for her parents and family. I wish she would consider me.

So don't make extra work!! Bring dinner with you once in a while!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is OP, but when I come to visit, I don't do anything but sit there. They aren't entertaining me. I sit there and watch them go about their business. I try not to be in the way. But I can sense DIL just doesn't want me there. Even at my home once a month, I can tell she would rather be anywhere but there. But I am my sons mother and I feel it's not too much to ask to spend a day with them!

If you're just sitting there and not engaging, no wonder they feel so uncomfortable having you around. OP, I'm going to be frank but I'm not trying to be cruel. You have spent this entire thread whining and making yourself out to be the victim while rejecting every reasonable suggestion given as just not something you're going to do. If you behave half as poorly with your son and DIL as you have in this thread, I'm going to guess you're probably right that they don't want to spend time with you because this has been exhausting. I think it's time for a little introspection about how you are contributing to this dynamic.

This. You're exhausting, you don't listen, you don't help, you're causing drama, blaming DIL for everything, and expecting her to drive to see you. Wake up.

NP +1

... and don't forget to add acting like DIL hardly works while her son does all the work (which I'm sure goes down super well). And always being late.

I'm also calling troll on this. Nobody could possibly be this selfish, arrogant and clueless. Not even a MIL from Hell.

For the 0.1% chance that you're not a troll, you should think yourself VERY lucky that you see the kids once a month. If your DIL exists, she deserves a medal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm first to admit I can be irrationally upset. I feel like when I go school week days, that my being there is an intrusion. I can tell my DIL maybe mad because she either has to cook more or fancier food because I'm there or order out. Everyone is rushed and I can tell I'm messing up the routine. It's uncomfortable. Nobody makes me feel welcome.

My son works some Saturdays so I know DIL makes time for her parents and family. I wish she would consider me.

So stop acting like a special guest star and BRING food over. Either make a lasagna and bring it with you, or pick up some take out on your way to their house! Be a HELPER instead of Queen Mother.

This is OP. They are inviting me to dinner! I don't bring food because I'm invited. If I said I brought food you all would tell me to not take over. MIL can't win!

When I invite them to my home for dinner, I don't expect them to think that means they bring the dinner!

Wow. You really love the role of victim, don't you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry to say this but you're expectations are too high. You already see them more than more people. Although you are invited, during the weekday it is an intrusion. There so many things to do, working, commuting, making dinner, cleaning, bedtime routine, and on top of it, you coming over is not added value, (making fancier meal, entertaining you). You inviting them over versus they (working parents with no time) inviting you over is completely different. For working parents the way to see them more is to assist in picking up the child, offering to babysit or take them to doctor's appointments, driving them to school, or see them over the summer. My mother lives 1 mile away, she leaves us alone and does errands for us or watches him when he's sick or when we need a babysitter. Our time is so limited with our children, every moment counts and I don't want to spend it with parents, because it becomes all about their time instead of my time. Let your children be parents.

This is OP. I'm not "allowed" to be responsible for these things because I tend to be late to things that are unimportant. I know my DIL Thinks I'm unreliable to do anything important because sometimes I show up late to a party or get together. I live far away from most of the family.

It's just like I can't win. I wouldn't be late for school pickup, but they won't let me.

Ah yes. The typical feed us bits of information as we go along poster. You "tend to be late for unimportant things ". Who decided they are unimportant? You've got issues, OP. I'm on team DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

Your son may work at an office more hours, but DIL is managing the brunt of the kids and housework. They are clearly both EQUALLY busy.

You want more, talk to THE SON YOU RAISED.

But my point is that, she knows my son works a lot and doesn't have time to see me, or bring the kids to me, and she doesn't work as much AT ALL, but she can always find time to take the kids to her mom and dad. Why can't she find time to bring them to me?

I understand that she likes her mom more, and I'm glad the kids get lots of time with their other grandma. But it makes me jealous. I always get seconds. And there is nothing I can do because my son works.

Sweet baby Jesus. You're a lost cause, OP

[Anonymous]

sounds like the husband is super busy during the week, and likely not involved with much of the child-rearing and household/property management. Does his wife work in addition to doing all this?

anyhow, I believe their weekends are very busy and it sounds like it is their only time together with both parents. Just aim for quality time once a weekend or something. maybe stay over on a thursday and friday night, or babysit if you're capable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm first to admit I can be irrationally upset. I feel like when I go school week days, that my being there is an intrusion. I can tell my DIL maybe mad because she either has to cook more or fancier food because I'm there or order out. Everyone is rushed and I can tell I'm messing up the routine. It's uncomfortable. Nobody makes me feel welcome.

My son works some Saturdays so I know DIL makes time for her parents and family. I wish she would consider me.

So don't make extra work!! Bring dinner with you once in a while!

She doesn't owe it to you to care more about visiting than your own son does. You are trying to blame your DIL because you don't want to accept that this is your son's choice too. It sounds like they don't really like having you on weekdays, but are willing to do it as a compromise. But that isn't enough for you. Maybe you should accept it as a compromise too.

[Anonymous]

BTW, being married to a workaholic husband sucks. Priorities are ALWAYS out of whack and I can't imagine where anyone would be after impressing Clients, Boss, Employees and then trying to hang out to one's Wife, Kids and then Friends and Extended Family.

Was his father a workaholic as well or an equal parent?

[Anonymous]

This could very well be my MIL except mine doesn't live close to us. Same mentality that her son works so hard and is so important and I barely work (I'm a teacher). It's exhausting to deal with and doesn't make me feel inclined to go to great lengths to visit her. People like OP are real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could very well be my MIL except mine doesn't live close to us. Same mentality that her son works so hard and is so important and I barely work (I'm a teacher). It's exhausting to deal with and doesn't make me feel inclined to go to great lengths to visit her. People like OP are real.

That's awful. I'm sorry, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like the husband is super busy during the week, and likely not involved with much of the child-rearing and household/property management. Does his wife work in addition to doing all this?

anyhow, I believe their weekends are very busy and it sounds like it is their only time together with both parents. Just aim for quality time once a MONTH or something. maybe stay over on a thursday and friday night, or babysit if you're capable.

I meant once a month.
How far do you live? 1 hour drive 2? 4?

Many of us live a 4 hour PLANE ride from our grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could very well be my MIL except mine doesn't live close to us. Same mentality that her son works so hard and is so important and I barely work (I'm a teacher). It's exhausting to deal with and doesn't make me feel inclined to go to great lengths to visit her. People like OP are real.

I actually think this IS my MIL...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This could very well be my MIL except mine doesn't live close to us. Same mentality that her son works so hard and is so important and I barely work (I'm a teacher). It's exhausting to deal with and doesn't make me feel inclined to go to great lengths to visit her. People like OP are real.

I actually think this IS my MIL...

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

I am like your son and DIL with my parents.

My parents live 40 min away. They don't really provide any care for the kids except once in awhile. Sometimes they will offer to take a couple of the kids, not all, for an overnight and expects me to drive down, drop them off and then pick them up again. When she invites us there all we do is hang out in there house or go to the mall.

It would make more sense for them to come to us considering we have lots of toys, a big yard, a park within walking distance, and stuff to do in our town.