Help me figure out how to see my grandkids more often!

[Anonymous]

And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

[Anonymous]

OP, now that you are busted as a DIL who dislikes her MIL, link to your real threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invite me to dinner at their home during the school week, but I don't want to/like to fight the traffic to get there after school lets out, only to stay a couple hours.

This would be the first place to start.

This is the answer. So much easier for you to drive your self than pare to to load all the kids to see you, still get homework, dinner, baths for next day done.

If you want it, make it happen. Drive over when you are invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, now that you are busted as a DIL who dislikes her MIL, link to your real threads.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I do with my elementary-aged grandkids:

1. I do NOT attempt to see them on weekends because they are busy and they need family time together. Their whole family also needs DOWNTIME. They do not need any more driving time to come see me. Period. (If I get an invitation for something, that's fine. But I don't ask).

2. On the same weekday every week, usually Wednesday but it can change from school year to school year, I pick the kids up after school. They spend the night and I take them to school the next morning. They have clothes at my house that I have bought for this. They do not schlepp clothes to school and they do not have to pack and unpack to go to Grandmas. I pack lunches with them when I take them to school the next day. I have food they like in the house.

3. If there is a weekday that I can't keep them overnight for some reason, then I pick them up after school and we go to their favorite cafe for a snack and hot chocolate, they do their homework in the cafe, and I drop them at home. (The homework part is much appreciated by their parents. I keep pencils, rulers, and homework supplies in my car).

4. I go to all their events and games and things WHEN INVITED. I don't put mental energy into worrying if I am invited or not. I take them to the dentist, when asked. All sorts of little errands like that. The kids talk to me in the car about all sorts of stuff. I know who their friends are and their friends say hi to me at school because I do that weekly pickup. I do not chaperone school events or volunteer in the classrooms because I have other commitments during the day.

I make this grandparenting thing as easy on the parents and kids as possible. No drama and no agenda. I keep things easy-going and don't overthink it. The day will come when I will be in a nursing home and can't do all this stuff with and for them. Then they will be coming to me and helping me. I am positive about that given the relationship we have. There are certain seasons for caregiving and certain seasons for care receiving. The circle of life.

This is so weird. I would never allow my mom or MIL to keep my kids overnight once a week on a school night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what I do with my elementary-aged grandkids:

1. I do NOT attempt to see them on weekends because they are busy and they need family time together. Their whole family also needs DOWNTIME. They do not need any more driving time to come see me. Period. (If I get an invitation for something, that's fine. But I don't ask).

2. On the same weekday every week, usually Wednesday but it can change from school year to school year, I pick the kids up after school. They spend the night and I take them to school the next morning. They have clothes at my house that I have bought for this. They do not schlepp clothes to school and they do not have to pack and unpack to go to Grandmas. I pack lunches with them when I take them to school the next day. I have food they like in the house.

3. If there is a weekday that I can't keep them overnight for some reason, then I pick them up after school and we go to their favorite cafe for a snack and hot chocolate, they do their homework in the cafe, and I drop them at home. (The homework part is much appreciated by their parents. I keep pencils, rulers, and homework supplies in my car).

4. I go to all their events and games and things WHEN INVITED. I don't put mental energy into worrying if I am invited or not. I take them to the dentist, when asked. All sorts of little errands like that. The kids talk to me in the car about all sorts of stuff. I know who their friends are and their friends say hi to me at school because I do that weekly pickup. I do not chaperone school events or volunteer in the classrooms because I have other commitments during the day.

I make this grandparenting thing as easy on the parents and kids as possible. No drama and no agenda. I keep things easy-going and don't overthink it. The day will come when I will be in a nursing home and can't do all this stuff with and for them. Then they will be coming to me and helping me. I am positive about that given the relationship we have. There are certain seasons for caregiving and certain seasons for care receiving. The circle of life.

This is so weird. I would never allow my mom or MIL to keep my kids overnight once a week on a school night.

Why not? My parents have taken DS overnight on a weeknight when we have other commitments and it's worked out well for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

Well that explains why she kept saying "my husband"! Gosh, I love DCUM! Such crazies here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

That explains why she kept saying "my husband" instead of "my son". I knew it had to be a troll when she did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I do with my elementary-aged grandkids:

1. I do NOT attempt to see them on weekends because they are busy and they need family time together. Their whole family also needs DOWNTIME. They do not need any more driving time to come see me. Period. (If I get an invitation for something, that's fine. But I don't ask).

2. On the same weekday every week, usually Wednesday but it can change from school year to school year, I pick the kids up after school. They spend the night and I take them to school the next morning. They have clothes at my house that I have bought for this. They do not schlepp clothes to school and they do not have to pack and unpack to go to Grandmas. I pack lunches with them when I take them to school the next day. I have food they like in the house.

3. If there is a weekday that I can't keep them overnight for some reason, then I pick them up after school and we go to their favorite cafe for a snack and hot chocolate, they do their homework in the cafe, and I drop them at home. (The homework part is much appreciated by their parents. I keep pencils, rulers, and homework supplies in my car).

4. I go to all their events and games and things WHEN INVITED. I don't put mental energy into worrying if I am invited or not. I take them to the dentist, when asked. All sorts of little errands like that. The kids talk to me in the car about all sorts of stuff. I know who their friends are and their friends say hi to me at school because I do that weekly pickup. I do not chaperone school events or volunteer in the classrooms because I have other commitments during the day.

I make this grandparenting thing as easy on the parents and kids as possible. No drama and no agenda. I keep things easy-going and don't overthink it. The day will come when I will be in a nursing home and can't do all this stuff with and for them. Then they will be coming to me and helping me. I am positive about that given the relationship we have. There are certain seasons for caregiving and certain seasons for care receiving. The circle of life.

I would give anything to have this. You're a good Grandma, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

That explains why she kept saying "my husband" instead of "my son". I knew it had to be a troll when she did that.

So lame OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

Well that explains why she kept saying "my husband"! Gosh, I love DCUM! Such crazies here!

Seriously. I barely even watch TV anymore, but I am addicted to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And OP is busted:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/667527.page

Well that explains why she kept saying "my husband"! Gosh, I love DCUM! Such crazies here!

Seriously. I barely even watch TV anymore, but I am addicted to DCUM.

It's so bizarre!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe offer to take them on a day that they don't have school, like parent-teacher conference day or a three-day weekend.

If traffic is really the problem, come earlier and bring a book. If you just don't want to spend the time in the car, well, your DIL probably doesn't want to either.

Women these days do not always want to be responsible for managing relationships with their husband's family. If you want to see the children more, take it up with your son. It sounds like your DIL has limited free time and doesn't want to spend it in the car bringing the children to you. If your son does not motivate, it is not her responsibility to do it for him. That may seem odd to you, but that is how the younger generation looks at things.

This. My DH and I are both professionals. If he forgets his mom's bday or to send a thankyou note for something, that is on him. I do not give 2 flying effs if I am meeting social norms from 50 years ago. I am busy.

[Anonymous]

You need to go see the grandkids doing what they do -- playing soccer, at music lessons, whatever. You need to get engaged with what THEY WANT TO DO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm first to admit I can be irrationally upset. I feel like when I go school week days, that my being there is an intrusion. I can tell my DIL maybe mad because she either has to cook more or fancier food because I'm there or order out. Everyone is rushed and I can tell I'm messing up the routine. It's uncomfortable. Nobody makes me feel welcome.

My son works some Saturdays so I know DIL makes time for her parents and family. I wish she would consider me.

If you go every week, it will seem less intrusion be and more normal.
If you bring the meal with you, it will seem less intrusive and more normal.

Yes, if I knew that every Weds my MIL was bringing dinner for 5, I would be loving that. Then with pizza Friday, I only have to plan or crockpot 3 fucking meals every week.