Help me figure out how to see my grandkids more often!

[Anonymous]

During the school year, my son just can't seem to find/make time for me to see my grandchildren. Sometimes they come to dinner at our home on Sunday afternoons when I invite them, but it's a rare occasion - their weekends are always "very busy". They invite me to dinner at their home during the school week, but I don't want to/like to fight the traffic to get there after school lets out, only to stay a couple hours. I don't live close.. I haven't seen my grandkids in almost a month, and it makes me sad. I see them often in summer, but during school, they always seem to have plans over the weekend. My husband works much more than his wife, so I know that's part of it. My son works so much that when he's off, he stays busy doing things for his home and family. Probably gives his wife a break too. He doesn't seem to have time to bring them to see me. Funny thing is, my DIL can always find time to see her parents when my son is working, and brings the kids along. We've tried to work on our relationship many times, but we are just opposites. I wish she would bring the kids to me more, but I don't think she feels it's her duty.

But I'm jealous. Parents out there, how can I see my grandkids more during the school year?

[Anonymous]

You might start by not referring to your son as "my husband." That might ease the relationship with you and your daughter-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Go pick them up, bring them to your house and drive them back.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? They're probably legitimately busy. If you and DIL can't get along, offer to pick them up and take them to do something fun to give her some free time and you some time with the kids. It just might not happen much during the school year, and that's just how life goes sometimes.

[Anonymous]

You can see your grandchildren more. You CHOOSE not to because you don't like to drive there. You really should re-title your post to "Help me figure out how to get my son and wife to bring my grandkids to me when I want to see them on the weekends!"

No one is denying you any time.

How about talking with son about you joining them at soccer games or weekend events?

[Anonymous]

You need to be willing got go to them. You are being unreasonable to expect them to bring the kids to you if you don't live that close and they are working, in activities, and school. They are making an effort by inviting you. My parents live close and make the same excuses you do. We have activities after school every day and one weekend day. We only have weekends to get things done.

[Anonymous]

If you want to see the grandkids more, you need to be willing to do the work too. They're already doing their part by coming out to you on weekends sometimes as suits your preferences, but I don't get the sense from your post that you've been willing to compromise and do some of the visits as they would prefer (at their house during the week). You have to decide what your priority is -- seeing your grandkids, or having all of the visits happen on your own terms. If you insist on the latter, you won't get as much of the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They invite me to dinner at their home during the school week, but I don't want to/like to fight the traffic to get there after school lets out, only to stay a couple hours.

This would be the first place to start.

[Anonymous]

You could see them more often by being willing to fit yourself into their schedule, which means going over for dinner during the week. But you don't want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you drive there before school lets out.
Sit in the car or on a chair you bring and read a book.

Kids come home at what 3:30? You stay to bed time. That's 4-5 hours of time.

Don't want to drive. Take uber.

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be willing got go to them. You are being unreasonable to expect them to bring the kids to you if you don't live that close and they are working, in activities, and school. They are making an effort by inviting you. My parents live close and make the same excuses you do. We have activities after school every day and one weekend day. We only have weekends to get things done.

+1. Your DIL probably spends time with her parents more because they are willing to come to her or relieve her of the kids when she needs a break.

[Anonymous]

Getting along with your DIL is the best way to see your grandkids

[Anonymous]

How far do you live?

[Anonymous]

OP, have you posted on DCUM before or read many posts here? If you had done either, you'd know that you're likely to get ripped apart for daring to ask this and especially for using the term "duty" as regards any parent "taking" grandchildren to see a grandparent. I am a parent, not a grandparent, but I see a huge amount of vitriol about grandparents on this forum, so you should prepare yourself.

I'm going to hope that you don't actually see it as a "duty" for your son or his wife to bring the kids to you. It's not.

Here's what I hope is a constructive answer: Please stop expecting that either parent can or should bring the kids to you for meals etc. It's nice when they do but don't expect it as the norm, which I think you are expecting right now.

Instead, if the kids are school-aged (or even preschool-aged), go to THEM. Say clearly that you realize they are very busy and you do not want to add to their "to-do" list the item "see grandma," so you are very glad to attend a preschool concert where a grandkid is singing, or a school bingo night, or a Cub or Girl Scout event or whatever. Ask if it would help the parents if you took a grandkid to bingo night at school so mom and dad can have a date night or do something special with the other sibling. You get the picture -- offer to see the kids in their own world, rather than expecting them to come to meals at your house when that may be something that requires them to round up the kids, get in the car, etc.

If you have mobility problems that make this impossible, that's a whole different story. But if you don't have such issues, and you just have an expectation that the grandparent-grandkid relationship is built on the parents bringing kids to grandma's for meals on weekends, please rethink that. And try to do it without resentment. Your post hints at resentment toward your DIL and that is probably something she and your son feel from you, even if you think you're not telegraphing it to them. That is surely why DIL doesn't bring the kids to you, plus she probably figures it's her husband's job to foster any relationship between their kids and you. So talk to him about how you'd like to see them more but make that talk about how you would like to help, and would be glad to see the kids at school events etc., and you now realize you've been sitting back waiting for him to bring them to you and that was wrong.



As grandkids get older there will be more and more activities the kids do and

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you drive there before school lets out.
Sit in the car or on a chair you bring and read a book.

Kids come home at what 3:30? You stay to bed time. That's 4-5 hours of time.

Don't want to drive. Take uber.

Problem solved.

Or, go in the house. Stay 2-3 hours and leave.

I will not chase around for my parents who are healthy and can see friends and do what ever they want except see us. I bring my kids to my MIL as she is in a nursing home can cannot leave without us.