Help me figure out how to see my grandkids more often!

[Anonymous]

Here is what you need to hear DIL/OP. You are a terrible, terrible person and a terrible DIL. You might also be insane. You are so petty and that you post false topics on DCUM, but have no time for family? Yes, you MIL is the grandmother of your kids. You have plenty of time to post and keep adding here in pretense, but not to spend time with family? There is no doubt in my mind that the only problem in any relationship you have is YOU. Fate is a fickle mistress and she is coming for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what you need to hear DIL/OP. You are a terrible, terrible person and a terrible DIL. You might also be insane. You are so petty and that you post false topics on DCUM, but have no time for family? Yes, you MIL is the grandmother of your kids. You have plenty of time to post and keep adding here in pretense, but not to spend time with family? There is no doubt in my mind that the only problem in any relationship you have is YOU. Fate is a fickle mistress and she is coming for you.

Love when the bitter old MILs chime in. SoooOooOooOooooooOooo dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Weather OP is the MIL or DIL, as long as the visiting MIL does not make me entertain her, cook meal for her, taking out of my time to do extra work for her "during the school week", I am OK.

My mom: She will cook meals for my entire family while I am doing other things for the house (or working during a day). Mom packs enough left over for us to take the lunch next day.
My MIL: I asked her once if she could help us by cooking some meal for us, she flat out told me "I've never cooked such meal before" and did not help cook anything (I work full time. I'd so hoped that she at least cook some meal to help rifting off some of the cooking (major house chore in my house) from my shoulder cuz you staying together with us is extra work during our normal weeks/days!!) Ended right then so I stopped expecting anything from her (which is probably wise).

Treating MIL like my mom? That's not going to happen at this time. I mean I'd happy to have a chance for MIL to bond with my kid but I am not actively taking my kid to see her unless there is a need on my part to stop by her area (we require international travel, so visitation is during Vacation), my husband taking the kid alone, or her and FIL visiting us (they can come during the kid's school days but don't expect me to entertain them as I am working FT). It's not that I hate them or anything, just I would rather spend "My limited vacation time" visiting my own family than visiting in-laws.... Really, my honest feeling. I don't mind my husband taking the kid to see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I do with my elementary-aged grandkids:

1. I do NOT attempt to see them on weekends because they are busy and they need family time together. Their whole family also needs DOWNTIME. They do not need any more driving time to come see me. Period. (If I get an invitation for something, that's fine. But I don't ask).

2. On the same weekday every week, usually Wednesday but it can change from school year to school year, I pick the kids up after school. They spend the night and I take them to school the next morning. They have clothes at my house that I have bought for this. They do not schlepp clothes to school and they do not have to pack and unpack to go to Grandmas. I pack lunches with them when I take them to school the next day. I have food they like in the house.

3. If there is a weekday that I can't keep them overnight for some reason, then I pick them up after school and we go to their favorite cafe for a snack and hot chocolate, they do their homework in the cafe, and I drop them at home. (The homework part is much appreciated by their parents. I keep pencils, rulers, and homework supplies in my car).

4. I go to all their events and games and things WHEN INVITED. I don't put mental energy into worrying if I am invited or not. I take them to the dentist, when asked. All sorts of little errands like that. The kids talk to me in the car about all sorts of stuff. I know who their friends are and their friends say hi to me at school because I do that weekly pickup. I do not chaperone school events or volunteer in the classrooms because I have other commitments during the day.

I make this grandparenting thing as easy on the parents and kids as possible. No drama and no agenda. I keep things easy-going and don't overthink it. The day will come when I will be in a nursing home and can't do all this stuff with and for them. Then they will be coming to me and helping me. I am positive about that given the relationship we have. There are certain seasons for caregiving and certain seasons for care receiving. The circle of life.

OMG I wish you were my mother. You are the most awesome grandparent ever