Help me figure out how to see my grandkids more often!

[Anonymous]

OP is gone and won't be coming back. And she will take zero of this advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry to say this but you're expectations are too high. You already see them more than more people. Although you are invited, during the weekday it is an intrusion. There so many things to do, working, commuting, making dinner, cleaning, bedtime routine, and on top of it, you coming over is not added value, (making fancier meal, entertaining you). You inviting them over versus they (working parents with no time) inviting you over is completely different. For working parents the way to see them more is to assist in picking up the child, offering to babysit or take them to doctor's appointments, driving them to school, or see them over the summer. My mother lives 1 mile away, she leaves us alone and does errands for us or watches him when he's sick or when we need a babysitter. Our time is so limited with our children, every moment counts and I don't want to spend it with parents, because it becomes all about their time instead of my time. Let your children be parents.

I used to think this way too up until last Spring. Then I got a call in the middle of the night saying that my mom had died suddenly and unexpectedly. What a wake up call. Be careful.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible to rent an Air BNB or a suite in a place with an indoor pool for weekends once a month or every couple months? Then you could have them for sleepovers and let your DS have some couple time with his wife. It's unlikely the kids are busy at night. It's normal for your DIL to be closer to her parents but I admit it's hard on you.

[Anonymous]

You will get trashed on this site. Any suggestion that adult children have any duty to spend x with families, particularly in laws, is a flame out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will get trashed on this site. Any suggestion that adult children have any duty to spend x with families, particularly in laws, is a flame out.

Did you read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will get trashed on this site. Any suggestion that adult children have any duty to spend x with families, particularly in laws, is a flame out.

Lazy poster. You didn't read the thread. OP's family invites her over weekly for dinner, but she doesn't want to do that. She's admitted that she is repeatedly late to events, but then is annoyed that the DIL and son won't let her pick up kids from school.
Yeah, OP is getting trashed, but only because she expects everyone to deliver grandchildren to her on her timetable.

[Anonymous]

"Our time is so limited with our children, every moment counts and I don't want to spend it with parents, because it becomes all about their time instead of my time. Let your children be parents. "


Treating grandparents as a nuisance will come back to bite you. Teens rebel as part of the necessary path to maturity. Grandparents are immeasurably valuable pressure valves, but only when they've already bonded with the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is gone and won't be coming back. And she will take zero of this advice.

+1

Such a drama queen. No wonder her family finds her annoying.

[Anonymous]

I think you're pushing boundaries. In my 20s my parents made me miserable with their incessant demands that I see them at least once a month. You aren't satisfied with a few hours every damned week. I would have moved to Alaska if I was your DIL.

[Anonymous]

I prefer to spend X with my grandkids when they're parents aren't present and frequently correcting them or me. I have them for overnights every weekend. Their parents count on it.

[Anonymous]

Deeply examine how you interact with them and whether your values run counter to those of your son's nuclear family. I try to limit how often my parents see my kids because of my father's horrible political beliefs and my mother's lack of boundaries and hypercriticism. Both consistently and blatantly undermine my daughter's self-confidence and empathy for others. My kid would be Stacey Dash if I let them se her more.

[Anonymous]

My MIL used to show up week nights and it did annoy me because she's picky and I felt like I had to do a big dinner for her and it was stressful. She didn't lift a finger, ignored the kids and we were waiting on her, it was awful! I think she could tell (because I was bitchy I'll admit!) and now things have improved.

For a while she would cook at our house but that was a mess too because she literally would manage to use every pot and pan, fancy serving dishes/platters etc and leave us with mountains of dishes! And if it's about seeing the kids she didn't much because she was cooking for a full hour. Don't want to complain about a home cooked meal but yeah I am. Eventually she starting cooking the meal at home (she's retired so literally has all day) and then heating it up to serve. It is SO much easier. I actually enjoy my time with her and am not stressed. It feels like we've found s groove. It's a help, not a burden. Such a relief.

OP maybe you can pick a night for example - tell them you know they are so busy how about you come over ever Wednesday night and bring dinner? And occasionally offer to babysit a Saturday night so mom & dad can go on a date

[Anonymous]

This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

There may be various reasons, but you seem like you don't want to hear them. Maybe you are not as helpful or flexible as her parents are. Maybe the drive is too far for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I'm still reading.

Ok, I'm mostly upset and jealous because my son works a lot and my DIL just stops caring during the school year. Or she plans their weekend schedules during the school year according to what she wants to do. She's accomodating a little more in the summer, meets me halfway with kids or something but she is so regimented with the kids schedules in the school year. I feel like I just don't fit in. She never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works. But she always sees her parents. Sometimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off.. It's a miracle when they make it to Sunday dinners. Maybe I'm jealous, but I'm sad. Why am I not important to her or my son, but they can meet her parents for Saturday lunch?

Isn't that what everyone does???

Your post is confusing. Who is "they" when writing that "it's a miracle when THEY make it to Sunday dinners."
"SOmetimes my husband and her see her parents on his days off." Are you married with a husband or do you mean "my son".
"SHe never tries to get the kids together with me ever on a day my husband works." Again, do you mean "my son" or are you really referring to the man YOU are married to. If so, it's really confusing.