Men, be honest, if your wife was fat

[Anonymous]

I'm 5'1 so if I was a size 14 it would not be a "6'2 and well proportioned" 14. It would be like most 14s- fat and not terribly healthy looking. I can say for sure my husband would not be sexually attracted to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad so many men are actually responding..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad so many men are actually responding..

How many men do you think read this board? They are significantly outnumbered

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and I'm not attracted to my DH now that he's put on a few pounds. And it's not just the weight itself, what's just as unattractive (if not more so) is the behaviors that come with it- sitting on the couch watching tv for hours on end, constant snacking, refusal to eat healthy food, eating 4 hamburgers at a time. Those are all pretty gross.

This is exactly how I feel. It's the accompanying slobbiness that bothers me...I'm an active, healthy person and the laziness / unhealthiness / lifestyle effects aren't attractive to me

Another DW here who feels the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad so many men are actually responding..

How many men do you think read this board? They are significantly outnumbered

Exactly my point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8'', wear size 8 at 160 pounds, and I disgust myself.

If I was a size 14, I would think any attraction to me likely comes from a very niche audience.

Sounds like you have low self esteem. If you have digits for yourself, how is that going to attract others regardless of size? Confidence goes a LONG way. I'd rather date or marry a confident with extra weight that a small sized women who loathes herself. In regards to size I think you'd be surprised.

Sometimes low self esteem is just common sense. I don't delude myself that I'm in good shape, at least. Masking it with "confidence" is being deliberately blind. I know how I look when I'm in a better shape, and how much I SHOULD weigh. Confidence should not be used to mask fat.

There is no such thing as attraction regardless of size. Smaller size gets more attraction. Stop making things up to pretend it isn't so.

You are perpetuating a problem we have today in our culture. Confidence does not mean you should be masking anything. It does mean loving yourself and accepting who you are (but you already knew that). Self esteem absolutely does not equal common sense or eating disorders would not exist. Your post discounting others options does not make it true. Some people have low self esteem no matter how thin they are. Haven't you ever heard of anorexia?!

You and I look at this differently. I don't love my physical self when I'm 20 pounds over my preferred weight, and I don't want to accept it, I want to lose it. I don't think overweight women should be encouraged to "accept" their bodies the way they are. Your position is basically to shield someone from the knowledge that something is wrong with their bodies because it might make them feel bad. The self esteem I meant has nothing to do with your human or personal worth; it means that when you're 20 pounds heavier than you ought to be, that you feel bad about it. That's normal. You SHOULD feel bad about it. You should strive to change that, not strive to normalize that in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8'', wear size 8 at 160 pounds, and I disgust myself.

If I was a size 14, I would think any attraction to me likely comes from a very niche audience.

Sounds like you have low self esteem. If you have digits for yourself, how is that going to attract others regardless of size? Confidence goes a LONG way. I'd rather date or marry a confident with extra weight that a small sized women who loathes herself. In regards to size I think you'd be surprised.

Sometimes low self esteem is just common sense. I don't delude myself that I'm in good shape, at least. Masking it with "confidence" is being deliberately blind. I know how I look when I'm in a better shape, and how much I SHOULD weigh. Confidence should not be used to mask fat.

There is no such thing as attraction regardless of size. Smaller size gets more attraction. Stop making things up to pretend it isn't so.

You are perpetuating a problem we have today in our culture. Confidence does not mean you should be masking anything. It does mean loving yourself and accepting who you are (but you already knew that). Self esteem absolutely does not equal common sense or eating disorders would not exist. Your post discounting others options does not make it true. Some people have low self esteem no matter how thin they are. Haven't you ever heard of anorexia?!

You and I look at this differently. I don't love my physical self when I'm 20 pounds over my preferred weight, and I don't want to accept it, I want to lose it. I don't think overweight women should be encouraged to "accept" their bodies the way they are. Your position is basically to shield someone from the knowledge that something is wrong with their bodies because it might make them feel bad. The self esteem I meant has nothing to do with your human or personal worth; it means that when you're 20 pounds heavier than you ought to be, that you feel bad about it. That's normal. You SHOULD feel bad about it. You should strive to change that, not strive to normalize that in your head.

You're right. I do disagree with you wholeheartedly. Usually those who are overweight and are told to "feel bad" about themselves get depressed therefore eating more and gaining more weight. Often family members feel the need to intervene and some pick on them in hopes of helping them lose the weight, when in fact, they are exacerbating the problem.

I can see your point though, about having a drive to get more fit. But confidence and self esteem are key. Hope you are lucky enough to have someone around you that supports your weight loss AND tells you that you are beautiful no matter what and truly mean it.

- former overweight woman that lost 70lbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8'', wear size 8 at 160 pounds, and I disgust myself.

If I was a size 14, I would think any attraction to me likely comes from a very niche audience.

Sounds like you have low self esteem. If you have digits for yourself, how is that going to attract others regardless of size? Confidence goes a LONG way. I'd rather date or marry a confident with extra weight that a small sized women who loathes herself. In regards to size I think you'd be surprised.

Sometimes low self esteem is just common sense. I don't delude myself that I'm in good shape, at least. Masking it with "confidence" is being deliberately blind. I know how I look when I'm in a better shape, and how much I SHOULD weigh. Confidence should not be used to mask fat.

There is no such thing as attraction regardless of size. Smaller size gets more attraction. Stop making things up to pretend it isn't so.

You are perpetuating a problem we have today in our culture. Confidence does not mean you should be masking anything. It does mean loving yourself and accepting who you are (but you already knew that). Self esteem absolutely does not equal common sense or eating disorders would not exist. Your post discounting others options does not make it true. Some people have low self esteem no matter how thin they are. Haven't you ever heard of anorexia?!

You and I look at this differently. I don't love my physical self when I'm 20 pounds over my preferred weight, and I don't want to accept it, I want to lose it. I don't think overweight women should be encouraged to "accept" their bodies the way they are. Your position is basically to shield someone from the knowledge that something is wrong with their bodies because it might make them feel bad. The self esteem I meant has nothing to do with your human or personal worth; it means that when you're 20 pounds heavier than you ought to be, that you feel bad about it. That's normal. You SHOULD feel bad about it. You should strive to change that, not strive to normalize that in your head.

I have naturally curly, naturally blond hair. I find women with straight, brown/black/red hair ugly and believe they should do something about it. They should strive to change that and it's a shame they don't.

[Anonymous]

I like fit women. CrossFit guns are full of them. But fat women...no. Since 14 is too big. 8 is about as high as I find attractive. Most of the women I've been with are 5'5 and under so a size 14 is disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8'', wear size 8 at 160 pounds, and I disgust myself.

If I was a size 14, I would think any attraction to me likely comes from a very niche audience.

Sounds like you have low self esteem. If you have digits for yourself, how is that going to attract others regardless of size? Confidence goes a LONG way. I'd rather date or marry a confident with extra weight that a small sized women who loathes herself. In regards to size I think you'd be surprised.

Sometimes low self esteem is just common sense. I don't delude myself that I'm in good shape, at least. Masking it with "confidence" is being deliberately blind. I know how I look when I'm in a better shape, and how much I SHOULD weigh. Confidence should not be used to mask fat.

There is no such thing as attraction regardless of size. Smaller size gets more attraction. Stop making things up to pretend it isn't so.

You are perpetuating a problem we have today in our culture. Confidence does not mean you should be masking anything. It does mean loving yourself and accepting who you are (but you already knew that). Self esteem absolutely does not equal common sense or eating disorders would not exist. Your post discounting others options does not make it true. Some people have low self esteem no matter how thin they are. Haven't you ever heard of anorexia?!

You and I look at this differently. I don't love my physical self when I'm 20 pounds over my preferred weight, and I don't want to accept it, I want to lose it. I don't think overweight women should be encouraged to "accept" their bodies the way they are. Your position is basically to shield someone from the knowledge that something is wrong with their bodies because it might make them feel bad. The self esteem I meant has nothing to do with your human or personal worth; it means that when you're 20 pounds heavier than you ought to be, that you feel bad about it. That's normal. You SHOULD feel bad about it. You should strive to change that, not strive to normalize that in your head.

I have naturally curly, naturally blond hair. I find women with straight, brown/black/red hair ugly and believe they should do something about it. They should strive to change that and it's a shame they don't.

Not the PP but tell yourself whatever you'd like if it helps you sleep at night- a 5'7" size 14 woman is objectively unattractive to any man with standards or options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Wife was an 8 when we met. 10 years later she's a 14-16 (recent dress purchase brought her sizing issues to light).

I am still attracted to her and we have a good sex life (average 3 times a week).

That being said, I do wish she would lose the weight

1. Her self confidence isn't great and that does play into a lot of aspects of our life, not iust the sex

2. I miss some of the old positions we used to do that she's no longer comfortable with

3. As much as I am still attracted to her, I did like her smaller size better.

But I've also put on weight so I'm in no place to judge.

I think this would pretty much be my husband's answer, though I was a size 6 when we met. I was a size 8 when we got engaged, and back to a 6 for the wedding. I was between an 8 and a 10 before first kid but gained a lot with both pregnancies and can not get it off. Kids are well past babyhood.

Women can't win on this. I was a size 0-2 before my twins were born and am now a size 6-8. My dh prefers my pre kid size and it has definitely affected my
self esteem and our sex life.

Your husband is an asshole for telling you this. I've been a bunch of different sizes and my husband has never ONCE commented on my size, and we have had a healthy sex life regardless. I'm fit now because my lifestyle allows it and I enjoy it, not for my husband.

And most men don't prefer a 0-2 in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Wife was an 8 when we met. 10 years later she's a 14-16 (recent dress purchase brought her sizing issues to light).

I am still attracted to her and we have a good sex life (average 3 times a week).

That being said, I do wish she would lose the weight

1. Her self confidence isn't great and that does play into a lot of aspects of our life, not iust the sex

2. I miss some of the old positions we used to do that she's no longer comfortable with

3. As much as I am still attracted to her, I did like her smaller size better.

But I've also put on weight so I'm in no place to judge.

I think this would pretty much be my husband's answer, though I was a size 6 when we met. I was a size 8 when we got engaged, and back to a 6 for the wedding. I was between an 8 and a 10 before first kid but gained a lot with both pregnancies and can not get it off. Kids are well past babyhood.

Women can't win on this. I was a size 0-2 before my twins were born and am now a size 6-8. My dh prefers my pre kid size and it has definitely affected my
self esteem and our sex life.

Your husband is an asshole for telling you this. I've been a bunch of different sizes and my husband has never ONCE commented on my size, and we have had a healthy sex life regardless. I'm fit now because my lifestyle allows it and I enjoy it, not for my husband.

He's not telling you this, but he's still thinking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'8'', wear size 8 at 160 pounds, and I disgust myself.

If I was a size 14, I would think any attraction to me likely comes from a very niche audience.

Sounds like you have low self esteem. If you have digits for yourself, how is that going to attract others regardless of size? Confidence goes a LONG way. I'd rather date or marry a confident with extra weight that a small sized women who loathes herself. In regards to size I think you'd be surprised.

Sometimes low self esteem is just common sense. I don't delude myself that I'm in good shape, at least. Masking it with "confidence" is being deliberately blind. I know how I look when I'm in a better shape, and how much I SHOULD weigh. Confidence should not be used to mask fat.

There is no such thing as attraction regardless of size. Smaller size gets more attraction. Stop making things up to pretend it isn't so.

You are perpetuating a problem we have today in our culture. Confidence does not mean you should be masking anything. It does mean loving yourself and accepting who you are (but you already knew that). Self esteem absolutely does not equal common sense or eating disorders would not exist. Your post discounting others options does not make it true. Some people have low self esteem no matter how thin they are. Haven't you ever heard of anorexia?!

You and I look at this differently. I don't love my physical self when I'm 20 pounds over my preferred weight, and I don't want to accept it, I want to lose it. I don't think overweight women should be encouraged to "accept" their bodies the way they are. Your position is basically to shield someone from the knowledge that something is wrong with their bodies because it might make them feel bad. The self esteem I meant has nothing to do with your human or personal worth; it means that when you're 20 pounds heavier than you ought to be, that you feel bad about it. That's normal. You SHOULD feel bad about it. You should strive to change that, not strive to normalize that in your head.

I have naturally curly, naturally blond hair. I find women with straight, brown/black/red hair ugly and believe they should do something about it. They should strive to change that and it's a shame they don't.

Not the PP but tell yourself whatever you'd like if it helps you sleep at night- a 5'7" size 14 woman is objectively unattractive to any man with standards or options.

I'm a man with standards as well as options and I am removing myself from your attempt to include me.

And your mention of a size of clothing...well...it shows you have set a number in place that is your 'standard' but relatively meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. Wife was an 8 when we met. 10 years later she's a 14-16 (recent dress purchase brought her sizing issues to light).

I am still attracted to her and we have a good sex life (average 3 times a week).

That being said, I do wish she would lose the weight

1. Her self confidence isn't great and that does play into a lot of aspects of our life, not iust the sex

2. I miss some of the old positions we used to do that she's no longer comfortable with

3. As much as I am still attracted to her, I did like her smaller size better.

But I've also put on weight so I'm in no place to judge.

I think this would pretty much be my husband's answer, though I was a size 6 when we met. I was a size 8 when we got engaged, and back to a 6 for the wedding. I was between an 8 and a 10 before first kid but gained a lot with both pregnancies and can not get it off. Kids are well past babyhood.

Women can't win on this. I was a size 0-2 before my twins were born and am now a size 6-8. My dh prefers my pre kid size and it has definitely affected my
self esteem and our sex life.

Your husband is an asshole for telling you this. I've been a bunch of different sizes and my husband has never ONCE commented on my size, and we have had a healthy sex life regardless. I'm fit now because my lifestyle allows it and I enjoy it, not for my husband.

He's not telling you this, but he's still thinking it.

Didn't say he wasn't. I said her DH is an asshole for telling her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're right. I do disagree with you wholeheartedly. Usually those who are overweight and are told to "feel bad" about themselves get depressed therefore eating more and gaining more weight. Often family members feel the need to intervene and some pick on them in hopes of helping them lose the weight, when in fact, they are exacerbating the problem.

I can see your point though, about having a drive to get more fit. But confidence and self esteem are key. Hope you are lucky enough to have someone around you that supports your weight loss AND tells you that you are beautiful no matter what and truly mean it.

- former overweight woman that lost 70lbs

The bolded part is where you and I part. There is no such thing as "beautiful no matter what" when it comes to physical beauty. You can remain a wonderful person, a great personality etc. but beauty is visual and once you lose visual things that make you beautiful, you are no longer beautiful. No one is beautiful no matter what. Take any sex symbol beauty queen, make her gain 100 pounds, dirty her face, remove a couple of teeth, add pimples, and there is no beauty any more. When my husband tells me I'm beautiful no matter what, I know that's love talking, not truth, and my beauty, like anyone else's, is highly conditional.