Breaking up after she was a drunken embarrassment at a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I come from a WASP family. If someone gets too drunk everyone does their best to kind of look away and brush over it. Unless it was a pattern I wouldn't really care. Sometimes you just drink too much and get too wild. Oh well.

I agree.

+1

Honestly what you've described sounds like an average family gathering for us. And we are a very classy bunch- but we like to drink. If you can't hang though- then cut her loose now, OP- let her find someone who can. Cause you sound like a stick in the mud

FYI, you are NOT a very classy bunch if that is what your average family gathering is like.

Who said the ultimate goal for a family get together was "classy"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You obviously think you're better than her and are repulsed by her behavior. Just break it off . This is just the final straw, sounds like you didn't really like her anyway

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering if she was trying to 'cozy' up to, or even dirty dance with, the OP and he refused so in her drunken state she thought she would get some payback or make him jealous by grinding the groomsman.

I would be curious if she had a previous relationship with the object of her grinding desire.

Why stop there, how about the possibility she had a thing for, or with, her brother and was in deep despair over his marriage.

I could definitely see that. OP sounds like he stood there frozen, seething, and probably making everyone feel awkward about what would have, in normal circumstances, been a funny and fun night.

[Anonymous]

People do dumb things at weddings. I was at wedding late last year when one of the bridesmaids got plastered and was embarrassing herself. Her BF thought it was hilarious and he wasn't in much better shape. The bride's father and I quietly led her out of the room to a place where she could sober up. Her BF then started yelling at me and then my BF physically tossed him out of the reception. The bride's father said that I should marry him for being so chivalrous. Hopefully I will.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid 40s. I got wasted at a Christmas party this year.. I puked when I got home. I got blackout drunk at a party last week. I don't drink to get drunk/but 2-3 times a year I get really drunk. I don't cry - I laugh and tell jokes -or so I hear!

My DH is very serious, and he knew what I was like from my family weddings that he attended. We are a fun, classy bunch who enjoy our drinks. Opposites attract. He absolutely loves my family! My dad and he always do shots of good whisky at the end of the night when we visit them or vice versa.

Op, your gf is not for you. She needs a serious guy who appreciates her fun side.

[Anonymous]

The way she was acting was not showing her "fun side." I come from a family of people who drink. It's no fun to watch someone get sloppy and embarrass themselves. Drinking so much you puke or get blackouts is not normal.

Look, I was like this in my teens and 20's. I had a real problem with drinking. I finally quit completely. My spouse saw me get embarrassingly drunk on occasion and married me anyway. So I don't think, at 27, a person should necessarily be written off completely because of occasional drunken behavior. Only you know if this is part of a larger pattern. You are not unreasonable to not want your girlfriend drunkenly grinding up against some other guy at a family event. One of the main reasons I quit drinking is that I was scared I would drunkenly do something like that and destroy my marriage. I had a lot of emotional issues I was dealing with by drinking and I had to work on those in therapy. I'd consider this behavior a warning sign and I, personally, would think hard about all this and have some Serious Talks with my partner.

[Anonymous]

Great thread and zero consensus. Can someone analyze what the very polar opposite positions are and why? People need to start chiming in Team OP or Team GF and then their personal biases so we can figure this one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She got tanked at her brother's wedding on Saturday. Fall down drunk, crying, then calmed down slightly. I start chatting with her family and look up and she's literally grinding on one of the groomsmen. Small wedding. Just mortifying, for me.

The next day she wakes up and says what a blast the wedding was. Had no recollection of being sloppy. Zero remorse.

She just left a voicemail crying saying she feels bad... now.

OP, walk me through the timeline. You posted about a wedding on Saturday. Then on Sunday she says she has no recollection of it. Today is Thursday (the day you're posting) and your last line says "She just left a voicemail crying saying she feels bad...now."

So what's happened in between Sunday and Thursday? Have you talked to her about it? Why are you posting today? What makes you ask about breaking up 5 days after the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, I'm going to support OP here. At 20, sure. But by 27, the women who were getting black out drunk and crying (and btw, the crying for me is the big kicked -- not the grinding) were a whole lot of disaster. We were all drinking and partying a lot at 27 still, but there were only one or two people who still periodically got problematically drunk, and at 45 they are all still disasters. Heavy drinkers, cheaters, divorced, can't hold a good job. It's one thing to get accidentally way too drunk at 27. It's another thing to be the black out drunk crying girl at 27. Two totally different categories.

It is also a huge red flag to me that you're so lukewarm about this girl that you are considering breaking up with her based on this one event (which, incidentally, i think you should do) but her parents are at the point where they think you're about to propose. And your girlfriend is clearly not feeling stable with you or she wouldn't be getting blackout crying drunk. I have known many relationships that evolved into marriage with these exact facts (gf is sort of into guy but REALLY into the idea of marriage; parents are pushing marriage 6 months into relationship because ANY guy with good job and pedigree will do; guy is ready for marriage but isn't head over heels for this particular girl). They are shitty marriages 20 years later.

In sum, if this relationship was meant to be: (1) she wouldn't have been so down on her life that she got black out drunk crying; and (2) you wouldn't be questioning breaking up with her.

It's a circular issue: You are kind of a jerk for wanting to break up with her for getting drunk once. But she's kind of a bad match for you if she's in a mental place where she's getting drunk like that.

Totally +1 to this. You guys are not a good match for each other. Breakup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad I didn't date you in my 20s...

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are allowed a preference. That's what dating is for. You owe no one a reason.

This.

[Anonymous]

I could forgive the sloppy drunkenness more than the grinding on another dude. There's just no way to make that ok.

Move on, OP. You don't really seem like you are into her anyway.

[Anonymous]

There is zero consensus because:

--many people are problem drinkers and are friends with problem drinkers so they think getting blackout drunk and weeping at a family event is normal and no biggie. In their crowd, they may be right

--meanwhile, people who have a healthy relationship to alcohol and drink moderately see this behavior as hugely inappropriate and a big red flag that there are emotional issues and a basic immaturity at play here. This crowd sides with the OP and says run

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could forgive the sloppy drunkenness more than the grinding on another dude. There's just no way to make that ok.

Move on, OP. You don't really seem like you are into her anyway.

+1. I'm in my 40's and have been black out drunk maybe 4 or 5 times in my past (mostly all 20's probably, and never at a wedding because I want to be on best behavior out of respect), but grinding on another dude in front of my boyfriend and family?? NEVER. That's a huge red flag IMO.

[Anonymous]

The thing about being by blackout drunk is that You don't even know u were that drunk until people tell you how funny you were, how you danced the night away doing the moon walk, etc and you think "Huh - that sounds fun. Who did that?" And they say - you did. No one knows u are black out drunk - not even you. Unless you become weirdly emotional or aggressive. Then that's weird.