Breaking up after she was a drunken embarrassment at a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

This isn't something I'd considered, that OP just stood there knowing she was completely hammered and letting her make an arse of herself. In all the time we've been together, I got way too drunk one time at a party that DH and I were at and he whisked me out and home before I made a fool of myself. I can't imagine how I would have felt knowing he stood around with others talking about what a fool I was being instead of doing anything. Yes it's on her for getting drunk but OPs behavior sounds... mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

[Anonymous]

It's dating. That's what dating is for. You learn about the other person. No reason you need to choose this person as your favorite, your best match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, we've all been there. Give her benefit of doubt if everything else is going well. weddings are emotional.

I've actually never been there. Though I've been to plenty of weddings. Emotional doesn't need to be falling down drunk.

Red flag. Maturity issues. Potential to embarrass. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

This isn't something I'd considered, that OP just stood there knowing she was completely hammered and letting her make an arse of herself. In all the time we've been together, I got way too drunk one time at a party that DH and I were at and he whisked me out and home before I made a fool of myself. I can't imagine how I would have felt knowing he stood around with others talking about what a fool I was being instead of doing anything. Yes it's on her for getting drunk but OPs behavior sounds... mean.

Yep, and then telling people about it afterwards, as if he was "scandalized" and personally victimized by the fact that you had too many drinks.

Ugh. I think OP's gf is gonna dodge a bullet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's dating. That's what dating is for. You learn about the other person. No reason you need to choose this person as your favorite, your best match.

Her parents think or hope I'm proposing soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's dating. That's what dating is for. You learn about the other person. No reason you need to choose this person as your favorite, your best match.

Her parents think or hope I'm proposing soon.

I'm sure they'll get over their disappointment quickly when they find out your reasoning for breaking up with her was she got drunk once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound super judgmental, and for that reason you should dump her. But also stop to consider whether being judgmental about your girlfriends' foibles is a pattern with you. Yes, getting sloppy drunk at a wedding can be embarassing .... but also totally common! Your reaction of being embarrassed is not the only possible reaction. Some boyfriends would have been:

a) amused, and joked with her about it later
b) drunk too and joined in with the fun
c) protective, and tried to get her to drink some water so she didn't over do it
d) worried, if she genuinely had an alcohol problem.

But you instead are supercilious and embarrassed. That says a LOT more about you than her.

Of course, maybe she does have a drinking problem -- that is a whole separate issue. But I don't see anything in your email that evinces concern that she has a drinking problem, just embarrassment. Which is yours to own. I had a boyfriend with a drinking problem once, and the one night I saw him lose control I was worried out of my mind for him. Embarrassment was not what I felt, at all.

or option (e) understanding, that it was a one off and emotional day, and she was probably already embarrassed and there's no need to pile on.

I completely agree with all of this. OP unless this is a pattern, it sounds like an unfortunate one off and you sound like a drama queen. To everyone who is saying she's way too old for this type of behavior - sure, agreed. But here's another consideration: while in / immediately post college, most people are used to going out and drinking every weekend. As you get to your late 20's, maybe not so much...it probably just kind of snuck up on her. A "reminder to count your drinks!" night, if you will. As a 27 year old this would happen occasionally (I'm talking maybe once / twice a year) to my friends / me, and it wasn't a sign of anything except that we'd slowed down a lot and got caught up in a festive situation and didn't plan it well.

Of course, in social situations we'd watch out for each other - if you're her boyfriend, I agree it should have been you that was more on top of it - mitigating, stepping in, encouraging her to slow down and eat something. Before everyone jumps down my throat, I'm not saying it's your fault she got drunk, or that you should have to babysit her every time you two go out. But if this was a one time fluke, that's kind of standard. Everyone's been there. I don't think anyone in my social circle would have had the reaction you're having, and we're all 40 something successful professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's dating. That's what dating is for. You learn about the other person. No reason you need to choose this person as your favorite, your best match.

Her parents think or hope I'm proposing soon.

As you've said, the parents love you. But I think she's sending you a clear message that she's not that into you. You may be a good choice, a sensible choice, but not the right choice for her, and she's not the right one for you. I think you guys need to have a serious talk and probably break up.

[Anonymous]

If, as you said, you were otherwise considering proposing (or at least are serious enough that her parents think that you will), I think it's crazy for one too-drunk night (and some grinding on a friend of her brother's that she's probably known forever) to be enough to end things.

On the other hand, if you are considering breaking up w a long-term gf that you are in love with bc she got sloppy drunk one time, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.

[Anonymous]

She's not for you, OP. DH and I drink socially but have never done what your gf did. It wasn't the first time it happened and it won't be the last.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are allowed a preference. That's what dating is for. You owe no one a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's dating. That's what dating is for. You learn about the other person. No reason you need to choose this person as your favorite, your best match.

Her parents think or hope I'm proposing soon.

I'm sure they'll get over their disappointment quickly when they find out your reasoning for breaking up with her was she got drunk once.

+1. You don't sound like the kind of person who is cut out for marriage, honestly. Life is long and no one is perfect; and in the grand scheme one drunken fool night is pretttty darn harmless.

+2. Marriage is a long road and both parties will INEVITABLY f*ck up many times. It may not be getting sloppy drunk at a wedding but sooner or later, you'll show your @ss. If you're going to cut and run the first time your partner screws up, don't get married ever.