Breaking up after she was a drunken embarrassment at a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is zero consensus because:

--many people are problem drinkers and are friends with problem drinkers so they think getting blackout drunk and weeping at a family event is normal and no biggie. In their crowd, they may be right

--meanwhile, people who have a healthy relationship to alcohol and drink moderately see this behavior as hugely inappropriate and a big red flag that there are emotional issues and a basic immaturity at play here. This crowd sides with the OP and says run

Also OP is male which means for 85% of poster he's automatically in the wrong no matter what and they will come up with any reason to excuse the GF's behavior and paint him in the wrong.

Then you have the 15% who of posters who judge behavior and not gender it gets messy.

Also the never ever OK vs the It Happens Once In A Blue Moon. We don't know from OP if it was an isolated thing.

[Anonymous]

But OP hasn't given any indication that she has shown this behavior before. I still don't get why he didn't intervene.

OP You sound like you have a fragile ego. If she was drunk she didn't know whatever was doing and wasn't trying to intentionally hurt you. I agree with the previous poster....dont get married if you can't handle your partner making a mistake or doing something that hurts your feelings.

You're not that into her if you've had a solid relationship and you can't get over this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank goodness it was her family. What do they think? Is this par for the course?

Anyway, I would not pursue this relationship.

Amazing family. All of them love me, except for brother (something she denies).

Brother's wedding breaks up his sister's relationship, then his best friend really moves in, and he and the sister end up marrying each other.

Amazing scheme on the part of the brother. Well done, man! Executed flawless.

Sorry, OP- you have now become a side plot in a rom com.

Lol this whole back and forth had me rolling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

Not necessarily, at all. Don't be dramatic.

-33 year old non alcoholic who can relate to having a random bad night here and there

You might not be an alcoholic, but you have a problem with alcohol.

Nope, I really, actually do not. Just because something was an issue or a sign of a bigger problem in your case doesn't mean it's that way for everyone else. But you are apparently incapable of simple reading comprehension

+1000

Hasn't everyone had too much to drink once in a while? If you haven't, you're a nerd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my mid 40s. I got wasted at a Christmas party this year.. I puked when I got home. I got blackout drunk at a party last week. I don't drink to get drunk/but 2-3 times a year I get really drunk. I don't cry - I laugh and tell jokes -or so I hear!

My DH is very serious, and he knew what I was like from my family weddings that he attended. We are a fun, classy bunch who enjoy our drinks. Opposites attract. He absolutely loves my family! My dad and he always do shots of good whisky at the end of the night when we visit them or vice versa.

Op, your gf is not for you. She needs a serious guy who appreciates her fun side.

Exactly this.

Life is for living- which means occasionally overindulging in various things, from too much ice cream to too much wine/whiskey on occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She got tanked at her brother's wedding on Saturday. Fall down drunk, crying, then calmed down slightly. I start chatting with her family and look up and she's literally grinding on one of the groomsmen. Small wedding. Just mortifying, for me.

The next day she wakes up and says what a blast the wedding was. Had no recollection of being sloppy. Zero remorse.

She just left a voicemail crying saying she feels bad... now.

Dump her immediately.

Then wait to see if she has the "social skills" to coax you back to a relationship.

If she's hot, just make her a FWB.

[Anonymous]

You know, it is possible to drink to excess and not embarrass yourself or a date at an event or wedding. With women like these, it's not necessarily that they're problem drinkers is that they're emotional wrecks who are capable of losing it at any high profile moment.

No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She got tanked at her brother's wedding on Saturday. Fall down drunk, crying, then calmed down slightly. I start chatting with her family and look up and she's literally grinding on one of the groomsmen. Small wedding. Just mortifying, for me.

The next day she wakes up and says what a blast the wedding was. Had no recollection of being sloppy. Zero remorse.

She just left a voicemail crying saying she feels bad... now.

OP, walk me through the timeline. You posted about a wedding on Saturday. Then on Sunday she says she has no recollection of it. Today is Thursday (the day you're posting) and your last line says "She just left a voicemail crying saying she feels bad...now."

So what's happened in between Sunday and Thursday? Have you talked to her about it? Why are you posting today? What makes you ask about breaking up 5 days after the wedding?

This. Please clarify OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immediate dump.

Am I wrong for thinking all blowback will be either:

"He broke up with me for being drunk at my only sibling's wedding."
= I'm a control freak.

or

"He broke up with me for DANCING with my brother's best friend I've known for years."
= I'm an insecure control freak.

OP, as someone else said, you're concerned about you. You're not ready for a real relationship. So break up - you won't get past this.

[Anonymous]

I would dump her -- not because of one-off embarrassing behavior at the wedding but this chick seems to cry every other day. I am a woman and can't stand overemotional train wrecks. I simply don't have the patience for people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

So it's OP's fault? No, the GF is responsible for her own sloppy self. I suspect that "I didn't want to make a scene" may really mean, "I was so freaked out and shocked I didn't know what to do." Yell at her to stop? Pull her off the other guy? Slug the guy? Cravenly beg her to be nice? Anything the OP did to react would be the wrong choice to someone on team Drunk GF here. So, OP: Since you seem to be the adult in your relationship, do the adult thing and tell her that you are breaking up. If you were deeply invested in this relationship, you would not be considering breaking up over this, but would already have had a very serious discussion much earlier than five days after the events. So the mere fact you ARE thinking about breaking up means it's time to let go.

She sounds immature. Despite what some PPs say about being long past college age and still getting blackout drunk at times, that's just not how any normal adult handles alcohol unless that adult either has an addiction problem or is seriously immature.

...except that for a fluke one in a blue moon night, it totally is. It's absolutely within the realm of normal for a mature, addiction-free, normal adult to have a random night where a combination of factors (not enough to eat, heat, caught up in festivities, overtired, emotional, distracted and not keeping track of your drinks, etc...) lead to them getting too drunk. It happens. It's unfortunate, you usually wake up both feeling like a fool and kind of laughing at yourself, and then it doesn't happen again for a long while. But it's pretty standard, and those of you who can't even fathom this really must not get out much.

+1
When I introduced my BF, now husband, to my brother and his wife 19 years ago, I was very anxious about how it would go. I got so drunk I ended up puking and going to hospital for fluids. BF took control of situation. In years since, only once - at a gathering of old college pals - did this happen again, six years later. Since then I've learned to stop at two glasses of wine. But yes, there were emotional issues underlying both events, which I've dealt with in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immediate dump.

Am I wrong for thinking all blowback will be either:

"He broke up with me for being drunk at my only sibling's wedding."
= I'm a control freak.

or

"He broke up with me for DANCING with my brother's best friend I've known for years."
= I'm an insecure control freak.

No it will be "he's an insecure, self obsessed geek who is not ready to be dating anyone"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a red flag. Is there a history with the groomsman? Some other issue? Is she older and resentful that her brother is getting married first? Something else going on in her life that would make this just a bad night rather than a possible pattern? Has she done this before?

She's 27. Only sibling is the brother, so understandable she was emotional. But the vulgar grinding with brother's friend at a quaint wedding was just awful. He was taking full advantage too. No, I'm not insecure or threatened. Without question most embarrassing experience of my life.

There's your answer: most embarrassing experience. You know you won't forget it, so move on.

[Anonymous]

you people are nuts. Getting drunk is one thing but grinding on a groomsmen in front of her boyfriend of family. Pure trash. SPeaks volumes about her self control and lack of respect. I like to drink at weddings but somehow manage not to black out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did her family members react? Were her parents embarrassed?

Yes, her parents are teetotalers.

Ohhh, total red flag. Her parents are probably teetotalers because the grandparents are drunks. It's only a guess but this increases the likelihood that she's an addict of some sort. You want to know that her close family members can drink normally - not that they don't drink at all.

So what are the adult children of alcoholics supposed to do to make sure our kids don't become sloppy drunks? I'm not a teetotaler, but I have a dry house and I don't drink. My kids see plenty of our family members drinking at events. We have everything from the responsible drinker to the sloppy drunk. Any advice is greatly appreciated- and, yes, we do discuss responsible drinking as well as alcohol abuse.