Breaking up after she was a drunken embarrassment at a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is zero consensus because:

--many people are problem drinkers and are friends with problem drinkers so they think getting blackout drunk and weeping at a family event is normal and no biggie. In their crowd, they may be right

--meanwhile, people who have a healthy relationship to alcohol and drink moderately see this behavior as hugely inappropriate and a big red flag that there are emotional issues and a basic immaturity at play here. This crowd sides with the OP and says run

Also OP is male which means for 85% of poster he's automatically in the wrong no matter what and they will come up with any reason to excuse the GF's behavior and paint him in the wrong.

Then you have the 15% who of posters who judge behavior and not gender it gets messy.

[Anonymous]

Definitely break up. You seem not that into her. You should both just find someone else. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

So it's OP's fault? No, the GF is responsible for her own sloppy self. I suspect that "I didn't want to make a scene" may really mean, "I was so freaked out and shocked I didn't know what to do." Yell at her to stop? Pull her off the other guy? Slug the guy? Cravenly beg her to be nice? Anything the OP did to react would be the wrong choice to someone on team Drunk GF here. So, OP: Since you seem to be the adult in your relationship, do the adult thing and tell her that you are breaking up. If you were deeply invested in this relationship, you would not be considering breaking up over this, but would already have had a very serious discussion much earlier than five days after the events. So the mere fact you ARE thinking about breaking up means it's time to let go.

She sounds immature. Despite what some PPs say about being long past college age and still getting blackout drunk at times, that's just not how any normal adult handles alcohol unless that adult either has an addiction problem or is seriously immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

So it's OP's fault? No, the GF is responsible for her own sloppy self. I suspect that "I didn't want to make a scene" may really mean, "I was so freaked out and shocked I didn't know what to do." Yell at her to stop? Pull her off the other guy? Slug the guy? Cravenly beg her to be nice? Anything the OP did to react would be the wrong choice to someone on team Drunk GF here. So, OP: Since you seem to be the adult in your relationship, do the adult thing and tell her that you are breaking up. If you were deeply invested in this relationship, you would not be considering breaking up over this, but would already have had a very serious discussion much earlier than five days after the events. So the mere fact you ARE thinking about breaking up means it's time to let go.

She sounds immature. Despite what some PPs say about being long past college age and still getting blackout drunk at times, that's just not how any normal adult handles alcohol unless that adult either has an addiction problem or is seriously immature.

...except that for a fluke one in a blue moon night, it totally is. It's absolutely within the realm of normal for a mature, addiction-free, normal adult to have a random night where a combination of factors (not enough to eat, heat, caught up in festivities, overtired, emotional, distracted and not keeping track of your drinks, etc...) lead to them getting too drunk. It happens. It's unfortunate, you usually wake up both feeling like a fool and kind of laughing at yourself, and then it doesn't happen again for a long while. But it's pretty standard, and those of you who can't even fathom this really must not get out much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is zero consensus because:

--many people are problem drinkers and are friends with problem drinkers so they think getting blackout drunk and weeping at a family event is normal and no biggie. In their crowd, they may be right

--meanwhile, people who have a healthy relationship to alcohol and drink moderately see this behavior as hugely inappropriate and a big red flag that there are emotional issues and a basic immaturity at play here. This crowd sides with the OP and says run

Also OP is male which means for 85% of poster he's automatically in the wrong no matter what and they will come up with any reason to excuse the GF's behavior and paint him in the wrong.

Then you have the 15% who of posters who judge behavior and not gender it gets messy.

Hey buddy, hey there. Let's focus, mkay?

[Anonymous]

Run. Run while you still can.
It's o e thing to get drunk, it's another to grind someone who isn't you and do so in front of her family.

[Anonymous]

I would never continue to date someone who made a drunken fool of themselves and humiliated me in public. Some people here call that "fun." I call it a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

I drank a ton in my 20's and did some really stupid things while drunk. My boyfriends put up with it when they really shouldn't have. Fortunately I got counseling and stopped the b.s. by the time I was in my early 30's but I really didn't deserve all the second and third chances they gave me. OP-if you want out that's totally understandable-don't let anyone on here make your feel as though you are being unreasonable. Sounds like your GF needs to grow up. Maybe down the road you guys will end up together but it sounds like she has some maturing she needs to do in the interim.

[Anonymous]

Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

Not necessarily, at all. Don't be dramatic.

-33 year old non alcoholic who can relate to having a random bad night here and there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

Not necessarily, at all. Don't be dramatic.

-33 year old non alcoholic who can relate to having a random bad night here and there

You might not be an alcoholic, but you have a problem with alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is the only time she's ever gotten drunk I'd cut her some slack but let her know how I'd felt. Weddings can get crazy and its very easy for a light drinker to get caught up in all the toasts and celebrating. The groomsman is a pig but so be it. Once she was smashed or getting smashed why didn't you step in and get her out of there? You should have stepped in at some point.

If it's happened before I'd move on.

I didn't want to make a scene.

So you didn't want to make a scene but you allowed her to make a fool of herself? Man up. A scene was made and you allowed it to go on.

So it's OP's fault? No, the GF is responsible for her own sloppy self. I suspect that "I didn't want to make a scene" may really mean, "I was so freaked out and shocked I didn't know what to do." Yell at her to stop? Pull her off the other guy? Slug the guy? Cravenly beg her to be nice? Anything the OP did to react would be the wrong choice to someone on team Drunk GF here. So, OP: Since you seem to be the adult in your relationship, do the adult thing and tell her that you are breaking up. If you were deeply invested in this relationship, you would not be considering breaking up over this, but would already have had a very serious discussion much earlier than five days after the events. So the mere fact you ARE thinking about breaking up means it's time to let go.

She sounds immature. Despite what some PPs say about being long past college age and still getting blackout drunk at times, that's just not how any normal adult handles alcohol unless that adult either has an addiction problem or is seriously immature.

...except that for a fluke one in a blue moon night, it totally is. It's absolutely within the realm of normal for a mature, addiction-free, normal adult to have a random night where a combination of factors (not enough to eat, heat, caught up in festivities, overtired, emotional, distracted and not keeping track of your drinks, etc...) lead to them getting too drunk. It happens. It's unfortunate, you usually wake up both feeling like a fool and kind of laughing at yourself, and then it doesn't happen again for a long while. But it's pretty standard, and those of you who can't even fathom this really must not get out much.

It's never under any circumstances normal or ok to get black out drunk. TRally people think about what you're saying. It's normal to get black out drunk. It's normal to have to depend on other people to monitor your behavior because you drank to much to be able to regulate yourself, you're a nerd if you don't drink to the point of losing control of your actions or not remembering them.

I gope you aren't the same people then wondering why we have a huge drinking problem among teens and college students.

[Anonymous]

Wait - there are people who don't get drunk at weddings??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

Not necessarily, at all. Don't be dramatic.

-33 year old non alcoholic who can relate to having a random bad night here and there

You might not be an alcoholic, but you have a problem with alcohol.

Nope, I really, actually do not. Just because something was an issue or a sign of a bigger problem in your case doesn't mean it's that way for everyone else. But you are apparently incapable of simple reading comprehension

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

-female alcoholic in recovery for 9 years.

Not necessarily, at all. Don't be dramatic.

-33 year old non alcoholic who can relate to having a random bad night here and there

You might not be an alcoholic, but you have a problem with alcohol.

Nope, I really, actually do not. Just because something was an issue or a sign of a bigger problem in your case doesn't mean it's that way for everyone else. But you are apparently incapable of simple reading comprehension

You have a problem with alcohol you don't have to be an alcoholic/alcohol dependant to have a problem with alcohol. Drinking to you black out is a sign of having a problem with alcohol. Excusing it as a bad night here and there doesn't make it any less of a problem.