Anyone regret becoming a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do threads re SAHM always go off the rail? I was looking forward to reading the answers.

because some cranky WOHMs can't MYOB and chime in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we should just make it easier for women to have choices? I have a newborn and would like to return to work but the daycare options are crummy and sad. I toured one today and I wanted to cry. No one holds the newborns anymore to feed them. They just lay on Boppys and are fed 2 at a time.

We can afford for me to stay home for a year or so, but not forever and I don't want to have to struggle to get another job. DH and I make a similar income sadly.

That is not how it is at my daycare, at all. I toured one and also cried. But then I kept looking, and found one that was perfect for us. Keep looking, PP. I'm sure you'll find a good center, a good home-based daycare, a great nanny, etc. Trust me, wonderful childcare is out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we should just make it easier for women to have choices? I have a newborn and would like to return to work but the daycare options are crummy and sad. I toured one today and I wanted to cry. No one holds the newborns anymore to feed them. They just lay on Boppys and are fed 2 at a time.

We can afford for me to stay home for a year or so, but not forever and I don't want to have to struggle to get another job. DH and I make a similar income sadly.

Well you can stay home 3 months, husband can stay home 3 months, and then you baby will be six months and daycare will be less daunting.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm a WOHM.

I work not to accumulate the most money possible, but to contribute to financial security for my family. If you do not need to work for your family's financial security, do not like your job, and your spouse is on board with you staying home...I don't see a problem with it. Who am I to judge? If your family's financial security and/or career aspirations involve you returning to the workforce, then think of a plan before you leave the workforce.

+1 I worked because we would not have been able to live without my income. Plain and simple. If your choice is about eating (no private schools or fancy vacations), you work. The vast majority of women work because they need the money. They also wish to have children and they should not be denied that. I don't love my child less than anyone else. I am not going to let anyone else judge me as a mother. I only have to answer to myself and I am totally fine with the choice I made. My child loves me and is not visiting his old daycare workers or spending holidays with them or anything else. He calls me and talks to me and his dad now that he is an adult. He says he enjoys our company. Maybe he's lying?

The fact that you have a choice about staying at home and not working is a luxury. A big one. If it works for you, great. If it doesn't, do not feel shamed about having a child if you want one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don't regret it. I stayed home for more than 10 years. I started a new job and now that I'm not at home much I regret that I didn't do more with the house and with the time I had to myself.

See Sister, this is exactly how I'm living my SAHM life right now, with an eye on the eventual move back to full-time. Household stuff, building hobbies out fully, even reading and exploring the cultural parts of life that I value. They all tell you that it passes so quickly. Man, I find myself looking around the house and wondering where these people came from---they were babies I had only a minute ago, right? And, they're only school-age now. Blink, and they're in middle school, then college.

As for the PPs and the issue of re-entry into the workforce, I'm trying to maintain a network and stay active in my field. No, this isn't on a weekly basis. More like seasonal. But, it keeps my skills up and I have an awareness of shifts taking place. I also do community work that uses my professional skills, and I've come to accept that the trajectory of my career is wholly different now. It took my a couple of very frustrating years (during the pregnancies) to actually let go of where I thought I was headed. So, I started building a somewhat new base, using what I had to transition to something adjacent.

So far, so good. I benefit greatly from these DCUM conversations, and really appreciate everyone sharing their perspective and experience. It helps informs my decisions. So, thanks for posting. These are the conversations no one seems to have. It's just venting at school pick up, no resolution or even strategy.

I've no doubt that this is the very best situation for our family. It's up to me to make it work for my future. At least that's how I see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do threads re SAHM always go off the rail? I was looking forward to reading the answers.

because some cranky WOHMs can't MYOB and chime in

Please the perils of American daycare and unwilling to let someone else parent their precious babies? Every thread about SAH or WOH brings cranks from both sides.

OP should have posted this more directly about the financials, which were her goal. What was her lifestyle, DH income, her income, college plans, how much did she save up while young to finance essentially early retirement. . More concrete answers would have resulted rather than the 'staying home is logely, match. Off to yoga' replies.

I suspect OP does not have a high earner husband as is wondering about the risks she is shouldering by truncating her career prospects so permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalists and scientists don't look for breadwinner husbands. Hahaha- I absolutely love all of these ridiculous statements these WOH women are making.

I met my husband at 18- he was from a family with a ton less money than mine. We married at 30 and he is a very high earner (not law or medicine, when we married he only had his undergrad, now had MBA).

All of the people I know married because they were in love. This idea that women are preying upon breadwinner men is just funny.

Please don't lump some businessman pursuing an MBA with scientists, writers, or other true careers.

When you met your husband you knew he was interested in making money not doing what he loved.

Curious why did it take you 12 years to get married?

Good point. Only writers and scientists are "true careers".

You WOH are a barrel of laughs today! How do you know what someone loved to do or not? Really grasping at straws today, cubicle ladies.

So what was your career prior to staying home? I'm a scientist so obvious I'm biased, and I guess I love research and discovery more than my kids, both are my offspring.

Finance. Not a real job like scientist or "writer". I don't know (or care) who or what you love. Stop bashing women who have or wanted different options than you- and stop sounding like some sort of myopic loon when you decide what careers are "real" or not.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, let's make this a financial discussion.

I had a pretty good job in a field that has seen terrific growth in the 14 years that I've been a Mom. I've stayed in the business by doing freelance work, sometimes taking off large chunks of time like a year. I look around at who made VP and I KNOW that I would be there if I had worked FT for the last 14 years instead of mommy-tracking myself.

My retirement is dismal compared to DH's and I really am truly financially dependent on him. He supports me. Pure & simple. If you were to consider SAH, I'd suggest getting a PT job when your kids go back to school so you contribute to Social Security. And, maintain yearly contributions to an IRA in your name. Not sure what the max is, but do at least $5k a year.

Day care made me sad too. I spoke to a woman the very first week that I started taking my son to day care. She told me that she & her DH tried for over a year to get pregnant and she simply couldn't leave him 8 hours a day 5 days a week. I get it. There are more 'Work at Home/Flex' jobs now than ever before. Get one of those and then hire help to come in PT while you work. It's the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalists and scientists don't look for breadwinner husbands. Hahaha- I absolutely love all of these ridiculous statements these WOH women are making.

I met my husband at 18- he was from a family with a ton less money than mine. We married at 30 and he is a very high earner (not law or medicine, when we married he only had his undergrad, now had MBA).

All of the people I know married because they were in love. This idea that women are preying upon breadwinner men is just funny.

+1. I'm actually laughing right now. All the SAHMs I know were working at the time they were married and it was a love match each time. Not one was going for her MRS. This idea of a college-educated woman on the prowl for a "breadwinner husband" is so 50's.

+1

I was the only one working when we got married. He moved across the country for my job, which is D.C. based. I supported him while he studied for exams. His only prior work was in retail. He was and is the best human being I've ever met.

+2. I was working and supporting myself; DH was in grad school and still getting money from his parents. After we married, I worked full time while he finished school.

After he got a decent job, I've had the luxury to be home on & off throughout our marriage. I never had any burning career desire, so I don't feel like I "left" anything. If we needed money, or if anything happened to him, I'd find something. I guess I see work as more utilitarian than fulfilling; that makes it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Journalists and scientists don't look for breadwinner husbands. Hahaha- I absolutely love all of these ridiculous statements these WOH women are making.

I met my husband at 18- he was from a family with a ton less money than mine. We married at 30 and he is a very high earner (not law or medicine, when we married he only had his undergrad, now had MBA).

All of the people I know married because they were in love. This idea that women are preying upon breadwinner men is just funny.

+1. I'm actually laughing right now. All the SAHMs I know were working at the time they were married and it was a love match each time. Not one was going for her MRS. This idea of a college-educated woman on the prowl for a "breadwinner husband" is so 50's.

+1

I was the only one working when we got married. He moved across the country for my job, which is D.C. based. I supported him while he studied for exams. His only prior work was in retail. He was and is the best human being I've ever met.

+2. I was working and supporting myself; DH was in grad school and still getting money from his parents. After we married, I worked full time while he finished school.

After he got a decent job, I've had the luxury to be home on & off throughout our marriage. I never had any burning career desire, so I don't feel like I "left" anything. If we needed money, or if anything happened to him, I'd find something. I guess I see work as more utilitarian than fulfilling; that makes it easier.

This is exactly how most SAHMs feel, they were never under any aspiration to be the breadwinner for the family, it was a way to support yourself into the true calling of being a mother could be fulfilled.

OP, are you the breadwinner, either by design or de facto because DH just doesn't have the money making chops?

[Anonymous]

Uh, I don't think that you have any qualifications to speak for "most" SAHM.

I loved making a lot of money and worked my ass off before I was married/had children. I love being a SAHM and we had decided before marriage that I would stay at home with future kids. The two things (being career driven and being SAH) simply aren't mutually exclusive.

Stop degrading women by pretending that we are all just seeking to marry a paycheck. I made more than my husband and owned a house that was more valuable than his condo. I was really proud of my accomplishments in my career, just like I'm really proud to have this luxury to focus on our kids and my own interests.

[Anonymous]

No, dont regret it, but i will never have a career again and our retirement will be very very modest. Had we been able to double down, our 60s probably would have been a cake walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, I don't think that you have any qualifications to speak for "most" SAHM.

I loved making a lot of money and worked my ass off before I was married/had children. I love being a SAHM and we had decided before marriage that I would stay at home with future kids. The two things (being career driven and being SAH) simply aren't mutually exclusive.

Stop degrading women by pretending that we are all just seeking to marry a paycheck. I made more than my husband and owned a house that was more valuable than his condo. I was really proud of my accomplishments in my career, just like I'm really proud to have this luxury to focus on our kids and my own interests.

Proud? Because you picked the right DH?

[Anonymous]

No. I don't need his money as I have my own. Proud to own my choice- just like I hope WOH moms are. There seems to be a lot of disdain for SAH moms here - and lots of people who want to paint the choice to SAH as "lesser than". I don't care, so yes, im proud of my decision to do what we feel is best for our (and only our) family.

I certainly would hope that you don't tell women who wish they could SAH but can't that they "picked the wrong husband". So cringeworthy.

[Anonymous]

I worked part time for the first couple of years. Then we moved and I did some project work from home. Been a full time Sahm going on 2 yrs now with no project work. I do miss working but my being home is best for our family. I should be able to go back when my youngest starts Pk3 after getting a couple more certifications. I am a female in a highly male dominated field which works to my advantage.