Anyone regret becoming a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been home since before my daughter (now two) was born. My husband and I had just relocated and I quickly became pregnant and it didn't make sense to me to start a job when I was planning to stay home anyway.

Honestly? I don't love staying home. I like the relative freedom of being able to meet friends for coffee, being able to put more time into cooking, and of course spending time with our toddler, but there are limits to this. Mostly I feel isolated and bored. I'm just not good at being a SAHM - I keep a good schedule but am not big on playing with or reading to or teaching our daughter (isn't that terrible?). I just try to keep us out and about as much as possible.

I'm currently pregnant with our second and am interviewing for a part-time job in my field. I am thrilled! I think working will be better for me as a person and better for my family overall. I think it will make me value the time I spend with my children more, too.

+1, after 2 yrs old kids need the structure of a daycare/preschool. Unless, you love cooking, taking care of errands or other hobbies like painting; still need the adult social/challenges of a work environment.

[Anonymous]

I didnt want to like it but I did. I ended up becoming kinda crafty and got very into marathon training. It was a fun time in my life. I stayed home when my first two (14 months apart) were little until the 2nd started K. I had another 4 years later but knew it wasn't worth staying home for one kid (in our specific situation, meaning I could still stay "ahead" with just one daycare payment) and I do feel like his early childhood is a little different/maybe not as "good". BUT he also gets to enjoy 2 older siblings and the craziness that comes with that so there are good aspects about his babyhood too! Also I really underestimated how much daycare does for you! They get your kid on a great nap schedule, got my kid off the bottle and pacifier and it looks like they do a lot of PTing as well! SCORE! So I guess I like both ways and in the end I think kids do fine in either environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been home since before my daughter (now two) was born. My husband and I had just relocated and I quickly became pregnant and it didn't make sense to me to start a job when I was planning to stay home anyway.

Honestly? I don't love staying home. I like the relative freedom of being able to meet friends for coffee, being able to put more time into cooking, and of course spending time with our toddler, but there are limits to this. Mostly I feel isolated and bored. I'm just not good at being a SAHM - I keep a good schedule but am not big on playing with or reading to or teaching our daughter (isn't that terrible?). I just try to keep us out and about as much as possible.

I'm currently pregnant with our second and am interviewing for a part-time job in my field. I am thrilled! I think working will be better for me as a person and better for my family overall. I think it will make me value the time I spend with my children more, too.

+1, after 2 yrs old kids need the structure of a daycare/preschool. Unless, you love cooking, taking care of errands or other hobbies like painting; still need the adult social/challenges of a work environment.

Long term SAHM here- all of my SAHM friends started preschool at 2.5. Staying at home and structure aren't mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I will strongly urge my DD and any future DIL to go back to work."

As a WOH, I think you should leave your daughter and future DIL alone to make their own decisions with their spouses.

of course they will make their own decisions, but they don't have the wisdom of experience. When I was working and told people I was going to stay at home, without exception the women were all like "don't do it" and the men were all "that's great."

I didn't really understand at the time why the women were against it and the men seemed to think it was fine. The reason the women were against it was b/c they knew how hard it would be to come back from being unemployed. The men just wanted to be supportive. They had no idea. I now have knowledge and experience and I will absolutely make sure my DD and future DIL understand the implications of getting out of the workforce. As I mentioned, I will do whatever I can to help them. I didn't have anyone to (a) mentor me, or (b) help me at home (i.e. like grandparents who could come at a moments notice). I didn't grow up in a family or even a town where moms worked unless they absolutely had to in a low-wage job. I didn't have the role models or support and it lead me to the position I'm in now where I have very few options. I do not want my DD or DIL to be in a position of no-options b/c they had lots of confidence they could get another job (which is easy when you HAVE a job) and then find out that the working world is quite hostile to women who opt out (more so in certain industries than others -- teaching and nursing dont' seem to have a problem with SAHMs coming back... other industries do). It is my responsibility to share what I've learned with my DD and future DIL (should there be a DIL).

[Anonymous]

nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I will strongly urge my DD and any future DIL to go back to work."

As a WOH, I think you should leave your daughter and future DIL alone to make their own decisions with their spouses.

of course they will make their own decisions, but they don't have the wisdom of experience. When I was working and told people I was going to stay at home, without exception the women were all like "don't do it" and the men were all "that's great."

I didn't really understand at the time why the women were against it and the men seemed to think it was fine. The reason the women were against it was b/c they knew how hard it would be to come back from being unemployed. The men just wanted to be supportive. They had no idea. I now have knowledge and experience and I will absolutely make sure my DD and future DIL understand the implications of getting out of the workforce. As I mentioned, I will do whatever I can to help them. I didn't have anyone to (a) mentor me, or (b) help me at home (i.e. like grandparents who could come at a moments notice). I didn't grow up in a family or even a town where moms worked unless they absolutely had to in a low-wage job. I didn't have the role models or support and it lead me to the position I'm in now where I have very few options. I do not want my DD or DIL to be in a position of no-options b/c they had lots of confidence they could get another job (which is easy when you HAVE a job) and then find out that the working world is quite hostile to women who opt out (more so in certain industries than others -- teaching and nursing dont' seem to have a problem with SAHMs coming back... other industries do). It is my responsibility to share what I've learned with my DD and future DIL (should there be a DIL).

That is an extremely generous reading of your colleagues' reactions, tbh. Many, if not most, men know that "mommy-tracking" is derailing for a career, and that men benefit when women are derailed.

[Anonymous]

Honestly - yes I do! I always kind of worked and now have my own business but I wish I had worked more consistently OH. Again - have my own business but it is so solitary and I feel like I missed out on now 20 years of adult life and growth. Honestly-my DH travels so much that it would have been so stressful and extremely difficult to manage my parent life and that was how I framed my decision but in retrospect I wish I had insisted that we work together on a way for both of us to succeed and thrive as adults - not just parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been home since before my daughter (now two) was born. My husband and I had just relocated and I quickly became pregnant and it didn't make sense to me to start a job when I was planning to stay home anyway.

Honestly? I don't love staying home. I like the relative freedom of being able to meet friends for coffee, being able to put more time into cooking, and of course spending time with our toddler, but there are limits to this. Mostly I feel isolated and bored. I'm just not good at being a SAHM - I keep a good schedule but am not big on playing with or reading to or teaching our daughter (isn't that terrible?). I just try to keep us out and about as much as possible.

I'm currently pregnant with our second and am interviewing for a part-time job in my field. I am thrilled! I think working will be better for me as a person and better for my family overall. I think it will make me value the time I spend with my children more, too.

+1, after 2 yrs old kids need the structure of a daycare/preschool. Unless, you love cooking, taking care of errands or other hobbies like painting; still need the adult social/challenges of a work environment.

Long term SAHM here- all of my SAHM friends started preschool at 2.5. Staying at home and structure aren't mutually exclusive.

Mine started at exactly 2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I will strongly urge my DD and any future DIL to go back to work."

As a WOH, I think you should leave your daughter and future DIL alone to make their own decisions with their spouses.

of course they will make their own decisions, but they don't have the wisdom of experience. When I was working and told people I was going to stay at home, without exception the women were all like "don't do it" and the men were all "that's great."

I didn't really understand at the time why the women were against it and the men seemed to think it was fine. The reason the women were against it was b/c they knew how hard it would be to come back from being unemployed. The men just wanted to be supportive. They had no idea. I now have knowledge and experience and I will absolutely make sure my DD and future DIL understand the implications of getting out of the workforce. As I mentioned, I will do whatever I can to help them. I didn't have anyone to (a) mentor me, or (b) help me at home (i.e. like grandparents who could come at a moments notice). I didn't grow up in a family or even a town where moms worked unless they absolutely had to in a low-wage job. I didn't have the role models or support and it lead me to the position I'm in now where I have very few options. I do not want my DD or DIL to be in a position of no-options b/c they had lots of confidence they could get another job (which is easy when you HAVE a job) and then find out that the working world is quite hostile to women who opt out (more so in certain industries than others -- teaching and nursing dont' seem to have a problem with SAHMs coming back... other industries do). It is my responsibility to share what I've learned with my DD and future DIL (should there be a DIL).

That is an extremely generous reading of your colleagues' reactions, tbh. Many, if not most, men know that "mommy-tracking" is derailing for a career, and that men benefit when women are derailed.

But then so many wives of highly paid men stay home so I can see why they would say that when their colleagues make the same choice as their wives did. Like, good for you for opting out of the rat race and choosing something different.

[Anonymous]

I fundamentally do not think I am capable of "outsourcing" childcare. Even though mentally and logically I understand that working outside the home is probably a good idea, there is some deeper instinct that doesn't allow me to just drop my kids At daycare 40+ hours a week. I couldn't do it. My job opportunities now aren't great, but they weren't that great five years ago, and they certainly aren't dire either. I'll get a job when it makes sense for our family. In the meantime, I'm here for my kids and my husband and the community and our extended families. No job is more important than my kids. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fundamentally do not think I am capable of "outsourcing" childcare. Even though mentally and logically I understand that working outside the home is probably a good idea, there is some deeper instinct that doesn't allow me to just drop my kids At daycare 40+ hours a week. I couldn't do it. My job opportunities now aren't great, but they weren't that great five years ago, and they certainly aren't dire either. I'll get a job when it makes sense for our family. In the meantime, I'm here for my kids and my husband and the community and our extended families. No job is more important than my kids. Period.

Oh yeah, right, because WOH moms think that their jobs are so much more important than their kids. They are also never "there" for their family (whatever the hell that means)! Go jump in a lake, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fundamentally do not think I am capable of "outsourcing" childcare.[/b] Even though mentally and logically I understand that working outside the home is probably a good idea, [b]there is some deeper instinct that doesn't allow me to just drop my kids At daycare 40+ hours a week. I couldn't do it. My job opportunities now aren't great, but they weren't that great five years ago, and they certainly aren't dire either. I'll get a job when it makes sense for our family. In the meantime, I'm here for my kids and my husband and the community and our extended families. No job is more important than my kids. Period.

I'm guessing you could, in fact, do it if you suddenly found yourself without your husband's income to pay the bills. Or does your deep motherly instinct not extend to providing food & shelter for your children?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing she could, too. But the point is that she didn't have to, and made a choice to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Yes, yes and yes. Totally regret it, everything speeds by you and before you know it you are so far behind your compartments. Agree with poster above about jealousy towards Moms who took a different path, wish I had chosen differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fundamentally do not think I am capable of "outsourcing" childcare. Even though mentally and logically I understand that working outside the home is probably a good idea, there is some deeper instinct that doesn't allow me to just drop my kids At daycare 40+ hours a week. I couldn't do it. My job opportunities now aren't great, but they weren't that great five years ago, and they certainly aren't dire either. I'll get a job when it makes sense for our family. In the meantime, I'm here for my kids and my husband and the community and our extended families. No job is more important than my kids. Period.

+1 I feel the same. I know a lot of mothers who don't have to work or work for luxuries but that wasn't me.
It would be nice if there were more part time opportunities but it is what it is.