I think my husband is secretly applying for jobs outside of DC

[Anonymous]

Universities are very used to dealing with "the two body problem." When my friend accepted a tenure-track position at Mizzou last year, a condition was that they also offer her husband a faculty position in his field. If they want your husband, they will help you find work or offer you a job.

You need to move off "DC or bust." He needs to accept that not every opportunity in BFE is going to work out for your family. You and your DH need to sit down and talk about what places are acceptable to you. As positions come open, research whether there is a children's hospital or other opportunities nearby for you to pursue. Then decide together on whether to apply or not.

You could also consider going back to graduate school yourself to get a PhD in your area or teaching if you have a graduate degree.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

Depends on the specific field. My area starts more at like 60-80K for assistant prof positions, but varies depending on the area of the country and institution. Some fields pay more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to the quick google search, there are loads of the jobs all over the place and in all kinds of hospitals- not just specialized children's hospitals.

http://www.indeed.com/jobs?q=Child+Life+Specialist

All of those jobs are in specialized children's hospitals.

Why does it have to be in a specialized children't hospital?

Almost every children's hospital has a childlife program but an urban area is always going to be my best bet. They have more positions available. So here in DC we have 30 child life specialists at my work but in Cincinnati it would be a lot less. I'm not completely opposed to moving somewhere else. It just seems almost impossible for us both to find jobs unless we move to more of an urban area. Athens, GA or Oxford , Ohio would be too far of a commute IF I could find in the nearest city .

There are plenty of Athens-Atlanta marriages. I spent 6 years in Athens and had friends who commuted both directions, as well as friends who lived in between and each commuted in the opposite direction. It's not my preferred lifestyle, but it sure beats either of you having to give up on the career trajectory you've planned for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

It was an approximation, my point being he would not be making enough for it to be reasonable to assume he wants to lose her salary for her to be a SAHM. I'm not buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

It was an approximation, my point being he would not be making enough for it to be reasonable to assume he wants to lose her salary for her to be a SAHM. I'm not buying it.

Well then you obviously don't know my husband. He's been trying to get me to quit my job for years and live off his TA salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

It was an approximation, my point being he would not be making enough for it to be reasonable to assume he wants to lose her salary for her to be a SAHM. I'm not buying it.

Well then you obviously don't know my husband. He's been trying to get me to quit my job for years and live off his TA salary.

OP, his job is the LEAST of your problems. You both need to work on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband would be making what, $100k a year in academia? And as a career minded PhD you think he doesn't value your job at all? It took til page 6 to throw out that he wants you to be a SAHM which I'm sorry, just doesn't ring true but is something you've come up with to justify nixing whole parts of the country sight unseen.

Seriously. Counseling.

Since when did professors make 100k in academia?

It was an approximation, my point being he would not be making enough for it to be reasonable to assume he wants to lose her salary for her to be a SAHM. I'm not buying it.

Well then you obviously don't know my husband. He's been trying to get me to quit my job for years and live off his TA salary.

Alright you married a short sighted idiot who goes where the wind blows and sounds inept at being married or holding down any real world job. Happy now?

[Anonymous]

What do you do? I need to understand to better gauge - are you a divorce lawyer or a nurse? A third grade teacher or a speech language pathologist?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that you are displeased with your husband's career decisions/lack of making career decisions/unrealistic desires for you to be a SAHM. And you are taking it out on this one thing.

You could move to Georgia--he would work in Athens, you would work in Atlanta. You decide as a team where to live.

Repeat in all other states on the list.

But you seem so unhappy--understandably--with the way he is going about making career decisions that this isnt even an option.

Talk to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think that you are displeased with your husband's career decisions/lack of making career decisions/unrealistic desires for you to be a SAHM. And you are taking it out on this one thing.

You could move to Georgia--he would work in Athens, you would work in Atlanta. You decide as a team where to live.

Repeat in all other states on the list.

But you seem so unhappy--understandably--with the way he is going about making career decisions that this isnt even an option.

Talk to a therapist.

This. I'm a PP faculty spouse. I get the feeling that the problem you presented in your OP is the "tipping point." So much more is coming out now, about him wanting you to be a SAHM for a long time, about his continued lack of communication, etc. A therapist might be your best bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think that you are displeased with your husband's career decisions/lack of making career decisions/unrealistic desires for you to be a SAHM. And you are taking it out on this one thing.

You could move to Georgia--he would work in Athens, you would work in Atlanta. You decide as a team where to live.

Repeat in all other states on the list.

But you seem so unhappy--understandably--with the way he is going about making career decisions that this isnt even an option.

Talk to a therapist.

I know I am very stuck on living in DC. This forum helped me realize that I need to open up to other ideas. I worked so hard to move from the Midwest after undergrad and it has really meant a lot to me to be here. My husband hasn't traveled to other states. He doesn't necessarily have a preference on where he wants to live. He also doesn't mind humid weather at all. We just bought a house and found an awesome daycare provider very close to us. Everything seems so perfect right now. It's hard to think about moving and doing this all over again. I'm so happy with my job and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think that you are displeased with your husband's career decisions/lack of making career decisions/unrealistic desires for you to be a SAHM. And you are taking it out on this one thing.

You could move to Georgia--he would work in Athens, you would work in Atlanta. You decide as a team where to live.

Repeat in all other states on the list.

But you seem so unhappy--understandably--with the way he is going about making career decisions that this isnt even an option.

Talk to a therapist.

This. I'm a PP faculty spouse. I get the feeling that the problem you presented in your OP is the "tipping point." So much more is coming out now, about him wanting you to be a SAHM for a long time, about his continued lack of communication, etc. A therapist might be your best bet.

Yes we do need to see a therapist. It's tricky finding time to see one as we have a 6 month at home. I think it would be nice to have a middle person. We both get very emotional when we bring up this topic.

[Anonymous]

OP, theae decisions are tough. You both need to be happy with your careers. Mayve you could agree that he needs to look for a job in DC for [x] number of months before expanding to other areas. And that he needs to limit that search to major urban areas or places with a big children's hospital.