I think my husband is secretly applying for jobs outside of DC
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Anonymous
This makes no sense. Your job is so specialized that 10 universities confer degrees in the area and only a handful of hospitals cater to it yet you also want lots of options and are afraid of losing your job. Those two things are incompatible. Either it's specialized and rare or you can have lots of options or it's so specialized you're in high demand or it's not specialized to the point where you can lose your job like anyone. |
Anonymous
This has come up A LOT. Like I said my husband is not direct about which sector he wants to go into. We bought a house 2 years ago because I thought we were planning on living here. |
Anonymous
Then I would suggest marriage counseling because you two are literally leading two separate lives in your minds. |
Anonymous
But that's just the point. Looking at that quick list there are many more jobs currently available than you thought. The point being, you can move and still find a great job. You have flexibility and I'm sure if you two TALK about it there's a compromise to be made. I think the other part that you need to consider is that it may be time to put his career first. Again, it doesn't mean that he gets to choose wherever he wants, but it does mean that you suck it up a bit and potentially get a non-perfect job in a non-ideal city for a while. |
Anonymous
You would have to know someone in my field to understand this. So many people think it's like a nursing job. |
Anonymous
That's not necessarily true. I am not ok with moving before finding a job. |
Anonymous
Honestly, it sounds more like a social worker job to me, based on what I've read. I can understand why a regular regional hospital would not be hiring for this position on the reg, but I'm not sure what makes the DC area so special. If you lose your job at Children's, where would you go work? |
Anonymous
I don't care what the job is. I'm just saying you're talking out of both sides of your mouth saying you need to have options for job loss AND that its so specialized there's only a few hospitals in the country that you could work at. That only 10 schools confer these degrees but you still fear job loss. Highly specialized careers with only a few experts don't fear job loss because they're in demand and there's not many of them. If only a few hospitals have this area, you don't have "plenty" of options no matter where you live. The job is irrelevant to me aside from you're engaging in mental gymnastics to explain why you just CANNOT do it anywhere else but here. |
Anonymous
What did he think? What do you guys talk about? |
Anonymous
There are 2 other hospitals in the area with childlife jobs. The fact that we are already here makes it easier to stay. I wish my husband would just make up his mind about what he wants. He really wants me to stop working and become a sahm. |
Anonymous
There are 3 hospitals in this city with jobs in my field . In other cities it's almost always one hospital and the positions available would be fewer. DC is also a great city for statisticians. |
Anonymous
By co workers I meant the interns. In childlife we have to do a year long internship. Many of the interns have had to move to find jobs. |
Anonymous
The bolded is your real problem. Just remember you control that. No one can make you stop working and become a SAHM. If your DH takes a job in another city without discussing with you, you can make it clear to him that neither you nor the children are going with him unless you have a similar job for yourself lined up. You will have to be prepared to divorce if that is the position you want to take. In reality, the best thing is for you two to work in tandem -- give him a list of all the places in the country where you think you would have a good chance of finding a job. Ask him to check in with you weekly about where he's a applied and where he is getting interest. Do your research and put out feelers at the same time in these locations and ask him to strategize about how to raise your needs in the hiring process. Ask him to also apply for jobs here. Even if he feels like he will get turned down, make him understand that it's important to you that you see evidence that he tried to apply for something within commuting distance of your current home. Now is the time to network and work every contact you have (both of you) to try to make the situation turn out well for both of you. Remain flexible in how you think about commuting. I know many academics with tenure track who don't actually live in the university town, but do do serious car/train or air travel to make it work until they are more successful and can move to a better location. |
Anonymous
So it sounds like you think his strategy was to go to graduate school and get a job in a city where you can't find a job. Your job, by the way, does not sound like something you could sustain a family on in this area in the event that your husband doesn't have the easy time finding work here that you expect. You guys need to go to counseling. If you are simultaneously frightened that you will lose your job and unwilling to move to another city because you're frightened that your husband really just wants you to stop working outside the home all together, you need to have a conversation with him in a situation where he can't weasel out of it. It sounds honestly like you guys need an adult life specialist who can help you sort out your priorities as a family and provide strategies for coping, which you both seem to lack. |
Anonymous
Not a social worker. Community hospitals and regional hospitals hire tons and tons of social workers. |