I think my husband is secretly applying for jobs outside of DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound spoiled and naive if you think this isn't the path to a job after a PH.D. You go were the openings are. I know someone doing an assistant professor job in Australia after doing a post doc in Ga. Jobs in academia are unicorns and you have to chase after them. It usually involves moving far down the ladder from the tier you get your degree. If you aren't available to move then you have to get a job in the private sector. If you can find a job for your husband here maybe you can stay, but I think you need to get on board with looking for jobs in academia with him. You want him to work all those years just for you to throw a hissy fit now?[/quote

I'm spoiled because I want to stay here and be employed ? How about all the years I studied and worked for my career ?

And this is what marriage is about.... COMPROMISE and COMMUNICATION. Since you have seen him start to look outside of DC, I would suggest bringing up the topic to him so you both can discuss options.

I could see him pulling a fast one on me and accepting a job without talking to me about it first. He's done similar stuff in the past.

So you address it beforehand. Would you rather him pull a fast one? Or be prepared before a job opportunity even arises? Talk about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound spoiled and naive if you think this isn't the path to a job after a PH.D. You go were the openings are. I know someone doing an assistant professor job in Australia after doing a post doc in Ga. Jobs in academia are unicorns and you have to chase after them. It usually involves moving far down the ladder from the tier you get your degree. If you aren't available to move then you have to get a job in the private sector. If you can find a job for your husband here maybe you can stay, but I think you need to get on board with looking for jobs in academia with him. You want him to work all those years just for you to throw a hissy fit now?

+1. Many of my friends moved to where the jobs are after postdoc. One woman I know just landed a TT job in the Midwest, so is moving her family (DH and 2 kids) from a beautiful town in CA. It's what academics really have to do, unless he's a hot shot in his field who already has a ton of pubs and maybe even funded grants, and even then it can still be tough.

I also was unwilling to live in the middle of nowhere--we are a minority family and I wanted to live only in a large metropolitan area. Accordingly, I stopped looking for TT jobs and found a job where I wanted to live.

But if he wants to pursue TT positions, which are getting more and more difficult to come by, beggars can't be choosers. He has to go to the department/university that's the right "fit" and that wants him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

I have! My dad is a professor at Indiana university and we grew up in Bloomington . There's some diversity but not a lot. My mother is Crotian and she's not happy there. She visits Chicago every chance she gets .

[Anonymous]

in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia.

I hope he finds a job in the middle of no where just to make you mad. I feel sorry for him to have a snob for a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

OP, do you think Texas is one of those "middle of nowhere" places, or that it isn't diverse? Houston is officially the #1 most racially and ethnically diverse city in the country (even more than NYC metro area). Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

You guys never talked about his future career before? That's the first issue. Of course he has to look everywhere and anywhere for a tenure track job- How has this never come up before, OP?

It sounds like your marriage is pretty fragile to begin with. You guys need to seriously talk about everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

OP, do you think Texas is one of those "middle of nowhere" places, or that it isn't diverse? Houston is officially the #1 most racially and ethnically diverse city in the country (even more than NYC metro area). Just something to think about.

No. College towns = middle of no where for me. I work at a children's hospital and they're only in metro cities. We could BOTH find jobs here . Moving to a college town would mean giving up my career to stay at home . I'm not ok with that setup.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should visit these cities, just like he should, if he is invited to interview. He could be completely turned off, whereas you could realize that you like, for instance, Columbus OH much more than you thought you would!

You could work for the university also. You could work for a company that is headquartered or has an office in the university town. You could telecommute. You have options also. Moving out of DC doesnt mean to chance to work, unless you have a very specific field/interest that can't be replicated elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

My understanding is that jobs for entry-level PhD's are few and far between and he should look anywhere that may have him. I could be wrong though especially if he is not planning on going into academia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

Can confirm, SES and color really is segregated here. Yes, there are more international residents from more countries here than you will find in other places. But, college towns vary widely.

The Raleigh/Durham area in NC has a large southeast asian population and the largest Diwali festival on the east coast, for example. There are other areas that are really not diverse and would not be welcoming, just depends. It sounds like you and your husband need to talk and discuss the type of place you would like to move to. There is lots more diversity in places in Georgia and Alabama than people in DC would have you believe. On the other hand, there are lots of opportunities for statisticians in the DC area. We had to move here because my statistician DH could not get tenure in "flyover country", and one of my friends is also here for the same reason. We both intensely dislike living here, but our DH's could not find jobs anywhere else after tenure-denial. Like other posters have said, it's hard to get an academic job--and it's also hard to keep one these days. So take heart OP, your husband may have to live here (or in CA, where a lot of the stat jobs are) so you may end up where you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

OP, do you think Texas is one of those "middle of nowhere" places, or that it isn't diverse? Houston is officially the #1 most racially and ethnically diverse city in the country (even more than NYC metro area). Just something to think about.

No. College towns = middle of no where for me. I work at a children's hospital and they're only in metro cities. We could BOTH find jobs here . Moving to a college town would mean giving up my career to stay at home . I'm not ok with that setup.

Could you replicate your career (or would you want to) at a university hospital? Or a local regional hospital?

Or, if you want to stay with Children's Hospitals, have you developed a list of cities that have them and asked your husband to only apply to hospitals in cities on the list?

There are MANY areas for middle ground between staying here and being a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

OP, do you think Texas is one of those "middle of nowhere" places, or that it isn't diverse? Houston is officially the #1 most racially and ethnically diverse city in the country (even more than NYC metro area). Just something to think about.

No. College towns = middle of no where for me. I work at a children's hospital and they're only in metro cities. We could BOTH find jobs here . Moving to a college town would mean giving up my career to stay at home . I'm not ok with that setup.

Could you replicate your career (or would you want to) at a university hospital? Or a local regional hospital?

Or, if you want to stay with Children's Hospitals, have you developed a list of cities that have them and asked your husband to only apply to hospitals in cities on the list?

There are MANY areas for middle ground between staying here and being a SAHM.

Sorry, I meant ask your husband only to apply to *universities* in cities on the list.

[Anonymous]

I have never encountered a situation with an easier solution:

Ready?

USE YOUR WORDS.

You need to talk to your DH and ask him what he wants. Tell him your concerns and ask him what he wants from his career.

Also, you need to drop the racial nonsense, since you are the white person in this relationship. Pretending that you know better than the actual PoC in the relationship is just hubris.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

Can confirm, SES and color really is segregated here. Yes, there are more international residents from more countries here than you will find in other places. But, college towns vary widely.

The Raleigh/Durham area in NC has a large southeast asian population and the largest Diwali festival on the east coast, for example. There are other areas that are really not diverse and would not be welcoming, just depends. It sounds like you and your husband need to talk and discuss the type of place you would like to move to. There is lots more diversity in places in Georgia and Alabama than people in DC would have you believe. On the other hand, there are lots of opportunities for statisticians in the DC area. We had to move here because my statistician DH could not get tenure in "flyover country", and one of my friends is also here for the same reason. We both intensely dislike living here, but our DH's could not find jobs anywhere else after tenure-denial. Like other posters have said, it's hard to get an academic job--and it's also hard to keep one these days. So take heart OP, your husband may have to live here (or in CA, where a lot of the stat jobs are) so you may end up where you want.

Thanks for posting!