I think my husband is secretly applying for jobs outside of DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's in the last year of his phd and I've been catching him look at assistant professor positions in the middle of no where. Think Ohio , Alabama , Georgia. We have talked about this so many times that it's exhausting. I won't have job opportunities in a small college town and I know I would be miserable. He seems to think if they offer him enough $$$ I will be willing to move. Job prospects for him ( statistician) are projected to be very good in this area. We have a 6 month old. I LOVE love love his daycare provider . She speaks to our baby in dh's home language and I am really happy with her. I also love my job here as well! My husband isn't from the US originally. He hasn't been to these states and I have a feeling he would be happier here. It's very important that my son grows up in a diverse environment . He's mixed ( Indian / white ). I'm not sure what I am asking here. I'm just so frustrated!

1. It appears that you are throwing up the false issue of race diversity but your real concern is YOUR job and what YOU want. It makes nice theater to make out like you are concerned about your "mixed" child growing up in a diverse environment (how can I be wrong if its about the children??).

2. Have you ever lived in these states? Your outward racial (anti-white) / class (anti- middle-class) bias is showing. You assume that "middle of nowhere" places like GA, Alabama, Ohio will be bad because they are not "diverse." I call B.S. college towns (i.e. Athens and Atlanta, et.c) always have a "diverse" community because it is full of (1) professors who are not from the U.S. (2) full of students who are not from the U.S.

3. I've never lived anywhere in the U.S. as segregated as NOVA! VA is significantly white high income while MD is significantly Black lower income. I've lived in Georgia, Mississippi, Utah, Texas, Iowa, Virginia, Oregon, Washington state. Most recently I relocated to NOVA and I was floored by the clustering of similar races/income levels. This is especially the case given that the area is the bastion of democratic social values and higher education. I guess everyone here likes to look down on the reset of the country but they don't practice what the preach.

OP, do you think Texas is one of those "middle of nowhere" places, or that it isn't diverse? Houston is officially the #1 most racially and ethnically diverse city in the country (even more than NYC metro area). Just something to think about.

No. College towns = middle of no where for me. I work at a children's hospital and they're only in metro cities. We could BOTH find jobs here . Moving to a college town would mean giving up my career to stay at home . I'm not ok with that setup.

Could you replicate your career (or would you want to) at a university hospital? Or a local regional hospital?

Or, if you want to stay with Children's Hospitals, have you developed a list of cities that have them and asked your husband to only apply to hospitals in cities on the list?

There are MANY areas for middle ground between staying here and being a SAHM.

+1

My DH is in academia, and while my job seems more potentially transferable than yours, this was something we talked about at length both times he was in the job market. If your husband truly wants a position in the academic world, rather than being a statistician in a firm, you truly will have to go where the jobs are. I've had many friends in the job market who end up in cities that aren't their first (or even second) choice, because that's where the job is. Including my family! Academia is weird like that. But this is something you have to know, and must talk about as a potential faculty spouse.

That said, many college towns have top-notch hospital systems, and it is possible that your husband may be able to bring up the possibility of placing you in one during his salary negotiations. I currently live in Ann Arbor, and Mott Children's Hospital is top-notch, for example. Other universities with large medical programs might be similar in scope.

[Anonymous]

My academic job search was also constrained by my husband's pediatric specialty job, which means that we needed to look in cities with children's hospitals (or within a reasonable commuting distance).

I'm surprised you guys haven't had a frank discussion about this yet--this needs to happen so you're both on the same page re: where he applies.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if someone could facilitate a move for us to a major college town outside of NY/DC/BOS I would leap at it!!!

[Anonymous]

College towns are also a lot more diverse than many other towns in a given state, since faculty comes from all over the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My academic job search was also constrained by my husband's pediatric specialty job, which means that we needed to look in cities with children's hospitals (or within a reasonable commuting distance).

I'm surprised you guys haven't had a frank discussion about this yet--this needs to happen so you're both on the same page re: where he applies.

We have had many conversations about this and that's why it's so frustrating. He keeps flip flopping about what he wants. His friend recently accepted a 100k assistant professor position in Tennessee. He's been looking for similar jobs ever since he found about his friends position.

[Anonymous]

Where in Ohio? It has three big cities.....

[Anonymous]

A little too much hate heaped on the OP here. While I disagree with her about college towns - they are generally delightful oasises of diversity and culture - it's entirely fair for the OP to have/set limits on where she moves/lives.

I had this struggle with my wife before we actually got married - she was pretty insistent on taking a job in a place I'd never ever want to live (FredVegas, an outpost of Sprawltastic Stepford PUD Teahadistan) and I told her flat out there was just no way, no how, never. Partly because of the lack of a career for me, and partly just because I think it's a sh*thole and would never want to live there, much less raise my kid in that environment.

However, I made all that pretty clear before we got married and before we had a kid. I don't know if the OP spoke up - hopefully this isn't anything new - it sounds like she was pretty clear.

It really doesn't matter though: it's perfectly acceptable to set hard limits on what you will and will not compromise on and stick to them. He isn't entitled to have her deep-six her career just because he got a PhD and the only place he can get TT is BFE State. Similarly, she doesn't have to justify her reasons for not wanting to live in BFE State. Marriage is about compromise.

OP - don't snoop and don't start haranguing him that you somehow know he's applying elsewhere. Just be sure that you have been completely clear that there are limits to where you will move (I think compromise probably requires that you are willing to leave DC).

If you haven't been clearly asserting and communicating your limits, needs, boundaries and requirements, then you better start now.

Given what you said about "home language": if you aren't from the US or a western culture, you better start communicating fast, because he might be defaulting to one of the more...patriarchal models of family, sort of like, say, South Asian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where in Ohio? It has three big cities.....

Oxford, Ohio

[Anonymous]

I work in a college town which isn't a major metro area and we have a Children's Hospital...because we are a college town..with a med school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in a college town which isn't a major metro area and we have a Children's Hospital...because we are a college town..with a med school.

And where do you live? While many normal hospitals can treat children adequately, the hospitals I work at treat rare illnesses that are fatal or severely detrimental to young children. Also, many families travel here from "middle of no where" to get treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My academic job search was also constrained by my husband's pediatric specialty job, which means that we needed to look in cities with children's hospitals (or within a reasonable commuting distance).

I'm surprised you guys haven't had a frank discussion about this yet--this needs to happen so you're both on the same page re: where he applies.

We have had many conversations about this and that's why it's so frustrating. He keeps flip flopping about what he wants. His friend recently accepted a 100k assistant professor position in Tennessee. He's been looking for similar jobs ever since he found about his friends position.

Where in Tennessee? You could definitely work in Nashville (Vanderbilt University Children's Hospital??), which is actually pretty diverse and a great city.

Ditto Georgia, frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a college town which isn't a major metro area and we have a Children's Hospital...because we are a college town..with a med school.

And where do you live? While many normal hospitals can treat children adequately, the hospitals I work at treat rare illnesses that are fatal or severely detrimental to young children. Also, many families travel here from "middle of no where" to get treatment.

Which isn't necessarily relevant to YOU getting a job at a different one. Perhaps you like the prestige of working for one like that?

Are you a nurse? Physician? Something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a college town which isn't a major metro area and we have a Children's Hospital...because we are a college town..with a med school.

And where do you live? While many normal hospitals can treat children adequately, the hospitals I work at treat rare illnesses that are fatal or severely detrimental to young children. Also, many families travel here from "middle of no where" to get treatment.

Charlottesville Virginia. It beats the heck out of DC in a LOT of ways.

Look at places with Medical Schools. What you are describing as a work place is in no way unique to DC, nor the hospital - it's very very common for people from BFE to travel a long way to get treatment. Maybe I missed it upstream, but unless you're like a pediatric liver transplant surgeon, there are probably more than one or two centers in the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a college town which isn't a major metro area and we have a Children's Hospital...because we are a college town..with a med school.

And where do you live? While many normal hospitals can treat children adequately, the hospitals I work at treat rare illnesses that are fatal or severely detrimental to young children. Also, many families travel here from "middle of no where" to get treatment.

Which isn't necessarily relevant to YOU getting a job at a different one. Perhaps you like the prestige of working for one like that?

Are you a nurse? Physician? Something else?

Something else and it's VERY relevant. My field is very specialized AND competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where in Ohio? It has three big cities.....

Oxford, Ohio

Why not here?

Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center