S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH valued having a SAHM for our kids. Thankfully, we talked about it before we got married and were in agreement.

He has never had to worry about getting a call about a sick kid. Last minute travel is never a problem. He doesn't have to juggle his schedule to fit in doctors or dental appointments. Snow days are not stressful here- they are cause for celebration! Our house is always clean. Dinner is almost always homemade and ready when he walks in. I had everything done and the kids bathed and in pajamas so that we could eat dinner as family and relax in the evenings. We've never had to scramble to make last minute child care decisions. I've never sent a child to daycare or school sick. Family vacations are easy because we only need to work around his schedule.

All those things make life easier for all of us - my DH, me, and our kids. But above everything else, we were willing to do absolutely anything to avoid daycare or a nanny. We both felt very strongly about this and would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to a lower COL area before resorting to daycare.

We all have different values. Leaving our children in the care of someone other than a parent for 40+ hours a week in those first few years was not something either of us was comfortable with. No amount of extra income would have been worth it.

I went back to work when our kids were older. I am so glad I was home in those earlier years. We've been married close to 30 years. It's amazing what that kind of perpective does. Money was tight in those early years, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Your house is always clean and dinner was almost always homemade and ready when your DH walks in?
I'm a SAHM- I frankly don't believe you that your house is/was 'Always' clean.

That's because you are the kind of SAHM dcum WOHMs can't understand. They work and still keep their homes clean. Yes, even with five young kids, my house was clean. And it wasn't even that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
College degree people should be easily making 100k in this area.

It's really a no brainer

Haven't checked in with reality in a while, have you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and yes, the house is clean and meals are ready. I think certain women (like me) who are highly self motivated and organized make excellent SAH wives because we treat it like a job and make sure shit gets done.

My DW is like you. She is very efficient. She treats her SAH like a job, I sincerely appreciate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH valued having a SAHM for our kids. Thankfully, we talked about it before we got married and were in agreement.

He has never had to worry about getting a call about a sick kid. Last minute travel is never a problem. He doesn't have to juggle his schedule to fit in doctors or dental appointments. Snow days are not stressful here- they are cause for celebration! Our house is always clean. Dinner is almost always homemade and ready when he walks in. I had everything done and the kids bathed and in pajamas so that we could eat dinner as family and relax in the evenings. We've never had to scramble to make last minute child care decisions. I've never sent a child to daycare or school sick. Family vacations are easy because we only need to work around his schedule.

All those things make life easier for all of us - my DH, me, and our kids. But above everything else, we were willing to do absolutely anything to avoid daycare or a nanny. We both felt very strongly about this and would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to a lower COL area before resorting to daycare.

We all have different values. Leaving our children in the care of someone other than a parent for 40+ hours a week in those first few years was not something either of us was comfortable with. No amount of extra income would have been worth it.

I went back to work when our kids were older. I am so glad I was home in those earlier years. We've been married close to 30 years. It's amazing what that kind of perpective does. Money was tight in those early years, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Your house is always clean and dinner was almost always homemade and ready when your DH walks in?
I'm a SAHM- I frankly don't believe you that your house is/was 'Always' clean.

That's because you are the kind of SAHM dcum WOHMs can't understand. They work and still keep their homes clean. Yes, even with five young kids, my house was clean. And it wasn't even that difficult.

Different poster, but unless you have a daily housekeeper, I suspect we have different standards of "clean."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? I'm a WOHM, and I want one.

Anyone want to come join our marriage? Two physician couple, four adorable kids. We need someone to do all of the cooking, meal planning, laundry, cleaning, and money management, be active in the school community and with the teachers, decorate the house and celebrate holidays, purchase all Christmas presents, plan vacations and parties, sign the older kids up for activities and drive them there and back, each the little ones during the day and play age appropriate activities, do minor repairs, and hire out and manage all yardwork.

Two physician couple? There are a number of local household staffing agencies who would love to find you someone to do all this ...

Yes. And I have gone this route. The problem with this is actually not the money, but that you lose a lot of privacy. It's sort of a weird dynamic to have a lot of people working in your home while you are gone at work. It's really, really different than coming home to having had your spouse there all day.

Also, you really can't hire out most of the second half of that list. No one is going to figure out the "right" baseball team to sign up your kid for, make sure they have their uniform and cleats that fit, and help coordinate the carpool to drive them their and back. At best, you can hire someone to do your share of the carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH valued having a SAHM for our kids. Thankfully, we talked about it before we got married and were in agreement.

He has never had to worry about getting a call about a sick kid. Last minute travel is never a problem. He doesn't have to juggle his schedule to fit in doctors or dental appointments. Snow days are not stressful here- they are cause for celebration! Our house is always clean. Dinner is almost always homemade and ready when he walks in. I had everything done and the kids bathed and in pajamas so that we could eat dinner as family and relax in the evenings. We've never had to scramble to make last minute child care decisions. I've never sent a child to daycare or school sick. Family vacations are easy because we only need to work around his schedule.

All those things make life easier for all of us - my DH, me, and our kids. But above everything else, we were willing to do absolutely anything to avoid daycare or a nanny. We both felt very strongly about this and would have sold our home and everything in it and moved to a lower COL area before resorting to daycare.

We all have different values. Leaving our children in the care of someone other than a parent for 40+ hours a week in those first few years was not something either of us was comfortable with. No amount of extra income would have been worth it.

I went back to work when our kids were older. I am so glad I was home in those earlier years. We've been married close to 30 years. It's amazing what that kind of perpective does. Money was tight in those early years, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Your house is always clean and dinner was almost always homemade and ready when your DH walks in?
I'm a SAHM- I frankly don't believe you that your house is/was 'Always' clean.

That's because you are the kind of SAHM dcum WOHMs can't understand. They work and still keep their homes clean. Yes, even with five young kids, my house was clean. And it wasn't even that difficult.

Different poster, but unless you have a daily housekeeper, I suspect we have different standards of "clean."

As a SAHM, part of my job description IS daily housekeeper. At the very least, I vaccum, dust, and go over the kitchen and bathrooms every weekday. I do heavy cleaning on Mondays and Fridays. I work part-time on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays now that my kids are grown.

It's not difficult. Why would a paid housekeeper be better at it than I? When my kids were little, I was still able to keep the house clean. You live in a weird reality if you think most SAHMs can't keep up a house. We take pride in our homes being clean and nicely decorated. Or at least all my friends do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband made it very clear from the beginning that he did not want a SAHM

This is a red flag to me. Sounds like he forbade you from making a life decision that he didn't want at that time. Any many who either "wants" a SAH or WOH spouse is messed up. You come to this decision as a couple.

Red flag for what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband made it very clear from the beginning that he did not want a SAHM

This is a red flag to me. Sounds like he forbade you from making a life decision that he didn't want at that time. Any many who either "wants" a SAH or WOH spouse is messed up. You come to this decision as a couple.

Red flag for what?

NP. No idea. Whether you're a man or a woman, you have the right to want things a certain way. Life doesn't always work out perfectly, and circumstances change. But I applaud young people who demonstrate enough self-awareness to know what they want in their family life and their partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband made it very clear from the beginning that he did not want a SAHM

This is a red flag to me. Sounds like he forbade you from making a life decision that he didn't want at that time. Any many who either "wants" a SAH or WOH spouse is messed up. You come to this decision as a couple.

Red flag for what?

NP. No idea. Whether you're a man or a woman, you have the right to want things a certain way. Life doesn't always work out perfectly, and circumstances change. But I applaud young people who demonstrate enough self-awareness to know what they want in their family life and their partner.

Hope that guy didn't want children either.

[Anonymous]

At my old very conservative consulting firm, all of management/ownership were white men with SAH wives. It really was a status symbol. Men would joke about it, "like can't wait till I get promoted, then Larla can quit"-- it was like a bunch of dinosaurs. The wives all seemed educated but I guess it was more important to help their DHs get promotions. Those same men wasted so much effing time hanging out putting in "face time" after hours and hitting on the younger staff members.

[Anonymous]

A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. I'm actually a recovering clean freak. I can see the merit in vaccuming/dusting a couple of times a week, but every day... It's not a "standard of clean," it's OCD, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Reading the other thread about the newly pregnant wife who wants to outsource everything weekdays and weekends and people pretty much saying that she would need to hire two people a nanny and an au pair and maybe a mothers helper or weekly cleaning service really shows clearly the value of the SAHM. The numbers thrown around in the other thread, 60K to 100K boggles me. yeah..thats why its still easier to have a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

And here's that thread for reference.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/542535.page

Since she is actually looking to hire someone to fulfill the role of SAHM and people are trying to give her realistic responses to her situation, I'm suddenly fully aware of how many things a SAHM has to do. Had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading the other thread about the newly pregnant wife who wants to outsource everything weekdays and weekends and people pretty much saying that she would need to hire two people a nanny and an au pair and maybe a mothers helper or weekly cleaning service really shows clearly the value of the SAHM. The numbers thrown around in the other thread, 60K to 100K boggles me. yeah..thats why its still easier to have a SAHM.

It really depends on the particular family. Some jobs are difficult to leave, knowing you won't get anywhere near this level for over ten years. If may be worth it in the long run, so each family calculates what works for them better.

I seriously doubt a SAHM's work equates the work of three employees. BTDT It is valuable work, but let's not get carried away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading the other thread about the newly pregnant wife who wants to outsource everything weekdays and weekends and people pretty much saying that she would need to hire two people a nanny and an au pair and maybe a mothers helper or weekly cleaning service really shows clearly the value of the SAHM. The numbers thrown around in the other thread, 60K to 100K boggles me. yeah..thats why its still easier to have a SAHM.

It really depends on the particular family. Some jobs are difficult to leave, knowing you won't get anywhere near this level for over ten years. If may be worth it in the long run, so each family calculates what works for them better.

I seriously doubt a SAHM's work equates the work of three employees. BTDT It is valuable work, but let's not get carried away.

Yeah but thats what the other people in the other thread are pretty much saying what she has to do if she wants to keep working her 12 hour days and not do any child care on weekends too. They're actually trying to solve her problem, not start a SAHM WOHM debate.