S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

[Anonymous]

Somewhere around our third date my wife told me she had no problem working, but she really, really wanted to be a SAHM. I come from an immigrant household with a SAHM, she was raised in a upper middle class household with a SAHM and our views on the issue aligned.

My primary concern was having a parent that could focus attention on the kids. Not in a helicoptering kind of way but in a more intentional, firm kind of way.

Now that our kids are older, she uses the time to be involved at our kids' schools, keep herself in great shape, and run an orderly household (including full, wholesome meals which is really important to me as the child of a Hispanic mother). All in all, she worked for ten years after undergrad, including putting me through law school, and I'm fine with the way things have worked out.

A second income would be nice, but I'm biglaw and the way I see it, between the two of us, we have 336 hours in any given week and I'm already working about 20-25% of those hours. I see no need to devote more of our family's time to paid work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well somebody has to take care of the kids. Many parents would rather it be one of them than a stranger.

After the first day, they are no longer strangers.

[Anonymous]

DH and I never talked about this until we needed to. When I was on maternity leave, we talked about it. I wasn't ready and financially it would be a struggle. But, I was laid off during my leave and stayed home full time for 7 years. I got a part time job working on Saturdays for 4 hours during the 7-10 years. Now I work about 16 hours a week.

I am so thankful that I was a full time SAHM. I look back and have so many moments with our kids that I wouldn't have had. Staying home was a gift. I think if you can afford it, you should highly consider it.

[Anonymous]

DH and I talked before marriage about how we envisioned our life. We both had SAHMs when we were young and agreed we'd like to have a parent at home for the early years. He was willing to be the SAHP if I didn't want to do it but I did want to stay home and my career was more adaptable to taking a break (he's in a tech field where things change quickly). We also saw it as a temporary phase of life not a forever thing. He was very supportive during my time at home and when I went back. It worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? I'm a WOHM, and I want one.

Anyone want to come join our marriage? Two physician couple, four adorable kids. We need someone to do all of the cooking, meal planning, laundry, cleaning, and money management, be active in the school community and with the teachers, decorate the house and celebrate holidays, purchase all Christmas presents, plan vacations and parties, sign the older kids up for activities and drive them there and back, each the little ones during the day and play age appropriate activities, do minor repairs, and hire out and manage all yardwork.

Yes! I agree! ?

[Anonymous]

BigLaw partner here, and my DW is SAHM. I am so appreciative of what she does for us. She is hyper organized and efficient. Yes, I come home to hot meals. She handles everything on the domestic front, from grocery shopping, kids issues, to doctors appointments, birthday presents, etc. When the kids go to bed at 8pm, we have the evenings to ourselves to chill. I travel occasionally for work, sometimes last minute, and we would absolutely need an nanny if she were working her old job as a fed attorney.

I didn't go into marriage looking for a SAHM but I am thankful for her efforts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well somebody has to take care of the kids. Many parents would rather it be one of them than a stranger.

But then why don't they want to be SAHDs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? I'm a WOHM, and I want one.

Anyone want to come join our marriage? Two physician couple, four adorable kids. We need someone to do all of the cooking, meal planning, laundry, cleaning, and money management, be active in the school community and with the teachers, decorate the house and celebrate holidays, purchase all Christmas presents, plan vacations and parties, sign the older kids up for activities and drive them there and back, each the little ones during the day and play age appropriate activities, do minor repairs, and hire out and manage all yardwork.

This. DH very much likes not having to deal with any of this stuff, and said from our early dating days that he thought a parent should be home with the little ones. He loved that I agreed. Trouble is, that means I work for free, and our reduced HHI is noticeable. He is now very enthused about a job for me, so that I can still do all of the above and bring in money too.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have strong feelings either way going into marriage, and my DW was honest that she didn't know what she would want once we actually had kids. After our first child she wanted to be a SAHM, I had some reservations but decided to give it a try. It's great, I'm so grateful for what she does. Our lives are much more relaxed than when we were both working and we get a lot more time to enjoy ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i want a third spouse too so we could have a SAH

That's what I have a housekeeper for. Haven't used my washer and dryer in years , I don't go to the grocery store, my closets are all organized, my meals are all prepped, lunches all packed, most all my errands are run, and I come home to a clean house with beds made each day. I don't go to costco, yet the food from Costco appears at my home.

For dinner I remove the mostly prepped food and do the finishing touches on a home cooked meal each night with minimal effort. Last night after dinner we all took a bike ride as a family. We probably had a good 3hrs to burn before bed.

The cost of paying someone to do that vs having someone out of the workforce is well worth it. Not even a comparison, plus nobody is resentful about their role in the house. DH and I just enjoy each other and enjoy the kids. It's a good life we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well somebody has to take care of the kids. Many parents would rather it be one of them than a stranger.

But then why don't they want to be SAHDs?

feminists aren't really about equal opportunity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this thread a joke? Why would a man want to come home to a home cooked meal, a peaceful house, a relaxed spouse and all the bills, chores and other household things taken care of?

What person, man or woman, wouldn't want that?

someone who doesn't treat a spouse as a servant perhaps . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I never talked about this until we needed to. When I was on maternity leave, we talked about it. I wasn't ready and financially it would be a struggle. But, I was laid off during my leave and stayed home full time for 7 years. I got a part time job working on Saturdays for 4 hours during the 7-10 years. Now I work about 16 hours a week.

I am so thankful that I was a full time SAHM. I look back and have so many moments with our kids that I wouldn't have had. Staying home was a gift. I think if you can afford it, you should highly consider it.

16 hours a week?

lol

That's a hobby, not a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? I'm a WOHM, and I want one.

Anyone want to come join our marriage? Two physician couple, four adorable kids. We need someone to do all of the cooking, meal planning, laundry, cleaning, and money management, be active in the school community and with the teachers, decorate the house and celebrate holidays, purchase all Christmas presents, plan vacations and parties, sign the older kids up for activities and drive them there and back, each the little ones during the day and play age appropriate activities, do minor repairs, and hire out and manage all yardwork.

Same here, I am WOHM in 2 physician household. I secretly wish we have a stay at home mom. I need one!

[Anonymous]

I am 5.57,

I think being a stay at home parent is a huge sacrifice one could made which I never want it to me. My husband used to not want SAHM too. But after being through residency training, having a child , no extended family s help , he asked me to be a SAHM when he starts his neurological job. ( I refused by the way)