S/o SAHMs - why do so many men want one?

[Anonymous]

And maybe three is excessive, but most people are saying she needs to hire two employees at the minimum. So SAHM does work for 2 hired people? Got it.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home because of two reasons. One, I knew shortly after the second kid I didn't have the energy to be wife, mother, everything in between working 6 am to 6 pm. My husband was a latch key kid growing up. He and his siblings raised themselves. Mother worked, father worked. Gone all day, coming home after 7 each night.

It wasn't worth the money for us. Everyone was much happier, better taken care of with me being home. It may not be for everyone but in the long run, my kids and husband benefited greatly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And maybe three is excessive, but most people are saying she needs to hire two employees at the minimum. So SAHM does work for 2 hired people? Got it.

Not two full time people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And maybe three is excessive, but most people are saying she needs to hire two employees at the minimum. So SAHM does work for 2 hired people? Got it.

How do you reconcile this with SAHM accounts of being able to pursue their interests, volunteer, be active in the community etc.?

SAH is very valuable for a fairly short period of time. After the child is about 2.5-3, most people outsource things they are not very good at themselves. Education, socialization, enrichment. The monetary value drops, unless the woman continues to have children every 3 years or so.

[Anonymous]

Let's not quarrel semantics. She needs a nanny to work over 60 hours, an au pair to take over in the evenings, and a house cleaning service. People are saying despite hiring all that frankly she will still need to be in charge of doctors appointments etc etc. so yes, that's what you are facing if you are looking to outsource every child caring and house keeping function to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And maybe three is excessive, but most people are saying she needs to hire two employees at the minimum. So SAHM does work for 2 hired people? Got it.

How do you reconcile this with SAHM accounts of being able to pursue their interests, volunteer, be active in the community etc.?

SAH is very valuable for a fairly short period of time. After the child is about 2.5-3, most people outsource things they are not very good at themselves. Education, socialization, enrichment. The monetary value drops, unless the woman continues to have children every 3 years or so.

I view volunteering at school committees as an extension of participating in your child's enrichment. You have at least admitted its valuable for three years or so. An accomplishment considering many dcum posters are determined to view every sahm as lazy slags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stayed home because of two reasons. One, I knew shortly after the second kid I didn't have the energy to be wife, mother, everything in between working 6 am to 6 pm. My husband was a latch key kid growing up. He and his siblings raised themselves. Mother worked, father worked. Gone all day, coming home after 7 each night.

It wasn't worth the money for us. Everyone was much happier, better taken care of with me being home. It may not be for everyone but in the long run, my kids and husband benefited greatly.

So, no second kid, no SAHM?

[Anonymous]

So many men? Not I. Sounds like signing up for someone to get fat, never want to have sex, that I have to financially support. At least of you get fat and don't want to have sex, you can pay your own way.

[Anonymous]

I know a SAHM who was a housewife before kids. That, I don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many men? Not I. Sounds like signing up for someone to get fat, never want to have sex, that I have to financially support. At least of you get fat and don't want to have sex, you can pay your own way.

I can't believe I am throwing fuel on the mommy war fire, but.....the SAH mom brigade seems to be in better shape. I assume it's because they have time to go to the gym. When I occasionally go into work late and go the the gym at 9am, its all minivans and SUVs with in-shape mom's getting out after kid drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised to hear "so many men" want their wives to SAH. I think some baby boomers may, but for most younger people all of that went out the window with present-day economic realities.

Man here with SAH wife. Not sure I realized I wanted one till wife decided to stay home after first kid. Sort of like how you have no clue what it will be like having kids till you have them. I make a decent salary, my wife was making about 60k per year, so when you tax her income at my highest rate, then add in extra costs of work stuff and meals out that come with dual working spouses, the extra money from her job was somewhat negligible. Our house runs smoothly. We relax once kids are in bed.

If she wanted to go back to work, I would support her. But all else equal, I much prefer having a SAH wife.

The flat in this is that she isn't saving for retirement. She could invest 18k a year tax free if she had a job. Over many years this adds up. Same with social security. Your wife will be severely disadvantaged come retirement age just so that your house runs smoothly. Pretty selfish imho.

Np. I am a SAHM and we invest $100k a year extra for retirement. Plus we max out any tax advantage vehicles open to us (one 401k, 2 IRAs, and one HSA). Why would you assume they are not?

Because you can't invest in a 401k with pre-tax money if you don't have a job. That's great you and your husband invest a lot. We do as well. However you still won't have your own retirement account and you aren't paying into social security. If you end up divorced you'll end up working at Walmart. The 5k a year ira isn't going to do much. The money you invest isn't protected like retirement money and is owned by both of you. Whereas your husband owns the 401k and he also is paying into social security. You're at a disadvantage.

Well we don't count on SS in our retirement figures. If we divorce, I will take half of DH's 401k and other retirement accounts AND the equity he owns in his business which is worth several million dollars. We both pay taxes on these stocks so we own them jointly. A divorce would be very expensive for him. You don't need to worry about me. Thanks for your fake concern though

Correction, you will take half of your joint 401k and your portion of the joint business. Since you don't work he may have to pay alimony for a long time. My friend gets it for life unless she re-marries. If he dies she is the owner and beneficiary of a life insurance policy they had to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many men? Not I. Sounds like signing up for someone to get fat, never want to have sex, that I have to financially support. At least of you get fat and don't want to have sex, you can pay your own way.

I can't believe I am throwing fuel on the mommy war fire, but.....the SAH mom brigade seems to be in better shape. I assume it's because they have time to go to the gym. When I occasionally go into work late and go the the gym at 9am, its all minivans and SUVs with in-shape mom's getting out after kid drop off.

In shape people are at the gym. 5am, 9am or 9pm.

I'm a dad who volunteers monthly at the school, and most of these women have given up. Obviously it boils down to personality, but my wife, no matter her work status would never walk around like some of these slobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many men? Not I. Sounds like signing up for someone to get fat, never want to have sex, that I have to financially support. At least of you get fat and don't want to have sex, you can pay your own way.

I can't believe I am throwing fuel on the mommy war fire, but.....the SAH mom brigade seems to be in better shape. I assume it's because they have time to go to the gym. When I occasionally go into work late and go the the gym at 9am, its all minivans and SUVs with in-shape mom's getting out after kid drop off.

I work and I wake up at 4.30 am to go to the gym. In shape people will always make the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stayed home because of two reasons. One, I knew shortly after the second kid I didn't have the energy to be wife, mother, everything in between working 6 am to 6 pm. My husband was a latch key kid growing up. He and his siblings raised themselves. Mother worked, father worked. Gone all day, coming home after 7 each night.

It wasn't worth the money for us. Everyone was much happier, better taken care of with me being home. It may not be for everyone but in the long run, my kids and husband benefited greatly.

+1,000,000
Think about it, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many men? Not I. Sounds like signing up for someone to get fat, never want to have sex, that I have to financially support. At least of you get fat and don't want to have sex, you can pay your own way.

I can't believe I am throwing fuel on the mommy war fire, but.....the SAH mom brigade seems to be in better shape. I assume it's because they have time to go to the gym. When I occasionally go into work late and go the the gym at 9am, its all minivans and SUVs with in-shape mom's getting out after kid drop off.

DH and I each lost 30+ pounds in the year after I started SAH. We significantly reduced the amount of takeout we ate as I actually had time to cook healthy meals. I began workng out during the day and DH could workout in the evening because there was much less housework to do. We became healthier as a family.