He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

[Anonymous]

Run his name in pipl.com

Guy totally sounds married or living with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Went on the third date tonight. Even more confused.

During the date, past relationships/relationships in general came up. He referenced how much he is wanting to see me, and said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel, and he is on an in/out schedule - typically a few weeks out, then a few weeks back - he needs to spend time with someone while he's in town, because he can't when he's done. I said (and it's true, has nothing to do with the payment/planning thing) that I generally move a bit slower, and don't think that a date/week is unusual for the first few dates.) He said (again with the old-fashioned) that he doesn't like to sleep around or date more than one person at a time. I told him that I also don't sleep with multiple people at the same time, but basically assume that by default everyone that I meet online has at least one or two other people they are talking to/dating until we have a conversation deciding otherwise. He asked how fast I could see myself moving (and he didn't specify sex or exclusivity, but from what he said think he was referring to both) and I said probably about 6 weeks of dating. He asked me out for Tuesday during the date.

Again, I paid for myself (we were the last people in the restaurant, and while he seems to have no qualms about that, I feel bad when the staff are just sitting there waiting on us) so I couldn't just try the suggested "wait him out and see what happens" strategy - so I put my card out first, after about 20 minutes of the bill just sitting on the table. He walked me to my car at the end of the date, and gave me a hug (no kiss this time). Then he said he had a good time, and mentioned how much he likes being around me, and that he usually doesn't talk so much/long, and I said I had a good time, too - he asked "really?" but made no move for further physical contact. Also still no exchange of numbers. Did I mention I'm confused?

OP he is a complete and total loser who is trying to game you, for free, and just hit the right number of dates until the panties drop, for free, and it's working. Drop him! What adult lets a bill sit on the table for 20 minutes? That's rude, woman or man, but especially for him because this is just his MO- he did this on the second date too. I have to believe you can do better- drop him.
Not to mention with his work comments he's setting you up for the future fade; seriously don't see this loser again.

All this. He's bad news. He's almost certainly in a relationship. He has basically told you not to expect anything from him time-wise, because of his "work schedule." He literally asked you when, exactly, you would have sex with him. He hasn't spent a dime on you in three dates. He hasn't given you his number. Are you even sure you know his real name - maybe when he (finally) dropped his credit card (after you dropped yours)?

He "said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel." Lol. That's a new one. "You have to have sex with me quickly before I go out of town on one of my trips." OP, he's totally testing you and your gullibility. Be smarter!

[Anonymous]

OP here: I'm not a total idiot, thanks to those who realize that. I suppose I could be more detailed with the info I provide, but my posts already seem long. He is who he says he is - I have verified Facebook and LunkedIn profiles with his last name. He has invited me out on weekend nights, I have declined because the scheduling did not work out this far. Of course none of this means he isn't cheap or anything else, but I'm not just blindly going along with whatever he tells me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would move on.

[Anonymous]

That's good. Maybe he's aboveboard and just cheap/clueless? It's all up to you, OP, if you're interested and patient and attracted enough. GL!

[Anonymous]

He's weird and awkward. Presuming you are not, why would you want to date someone like that? Life with him would be tedious.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd agree that it sounds like he's setting you up. Even if he's not married, he's setting you up to not complain if he disappears for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Went on the third date tonight. Even more confused.

During the date, past relationships/relationships in general came up. He referenced how much he is wanting to see me, and said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel, and he is on an in/out schedule - typically a few weeks out, then a few weeks back - he needs to spend time with someone while he's in town, because he can't when he's done. I said (and it's true, has nothing to do with the payment/planning thing) that I generally move a bit slower, and don't think that a date/week is unusual for the first few dates.) He said (again with the old-fashioned) that he doesn't like to sleep around or date more than one person at a time. I told him that I also don't sleep with multiple people at the same time, but basically assume that by default everyone that I meet online has at least one or two other people they are talking to/dating until we have a conversation deciding otherwise. He asked how fast I could see myself moving (and he didn't specify sex or exclusivity, but from what he said think he was referring to both) and I said probably about 6 weeks of dating. He asked me out for Tuesday during the date.

Again, I paid for myself (we were the last people in the restaurant, and while he seems to have no qualms about that, I feel bad when the staff are just sitting there waiting on us) so I couldn't just try the suggested "wait him out and see what happens" strategy - so I put my card out first, after about 20 minutes of the bill just sitting on the table. He walked me to my car at the end of the date, and gave me a hug (no kiss this time). Then he said he had a good time, and mentioned how much he likes being around me, and that he usually doesn't talk so much/long, and I said I had a good time, too - he asked "really?" but made no move for further physical contact. Also still no exchange of numbers. Did I mention I'm confused?

OP he is a complete and total loser who is trying to game you, for free, and just hit the right number of dates until the panties drop, for free, and it's working. Drop him! What adult lets a bill sit on the table for 20 minutes? That's rude, woman or man, but especially for him because this is just his MO- he did this on the second date too. I have to believe you can do better- drop him.
Not to mention with his work comments he's setting you up for the future fade; seriously don't see this loser again.

All this. He's bad news. He's almost certainly in a relationship. He has basically told you not to expect anything from him time-wise, because of his "work schedule." He literally asked you when, exactly, you would have sex with him. He hasn't spent a dime on you in three dates. He hasn't given you his number. Are you even sure you know his real name - maybe when he (finally) dropped his credit card (after you dropped yours)?

He "said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel." Lol. That's a new one. "You have to have sex with me quickly before I go out of town on one of my trips." OP, he's totally testing you and your gullibility. Be smarter!

PP here - I didn't mean this the way I now realize it sounds ("be smarter than you're being right now"). I meant, "be smarter than him" - beat him as own game and pull the fade first. Sorry, typing fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was involved with someone like this. I don't mind Dutch, but what I found out was this was someone who kept "accounting."

Women are not built so that it's an equal risk in relationships. An analogy might be: a man who commits is betting one dollar while a woman who commits is betting twenty dollars simply based on the biology of becoming pregnant, having options, say, as an older divorced woman, so forth.

Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family.

If you're just effing around, I guess ti's okay, but in terms of traditional, I don't like it.

I think you should be treated like a queen. If it ain't happening now, consider what it will be like later.

I will probably catch DCUM hell for that. ironically I'm a working DW who makes more than my husband, so I'm not waiting around for someone to pay the bills.

I agree with you and I also make a similar salary as my husband. He demonstrated when dating that he can take care of me and a family.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm not a total idiot, thanks to those who realize that. I suppose I could be more detailed with the info I provide, but my posts already seem long. He is who he says he is - I have verified Facebook and LunkedIn profiles with his last name. He has invited me out on weekend nights, I have declined because the scheduling did not work out this far. Of course none of this means he isn't cheap or anything else, but I'm not just blindly going along with whatever he tells me.

OP, I'm a PP.

You sound sweet, smart, and empathetic.

So, let me channel my internal Grandmemere. You need to picture a 4 foot tall, French Canadian woman, who everyone adored.

"Why would you consider a man that doesn't treat you like flowers grow out of your ass?"

Then there would have been a glass of whiskey mysteriously offered from what seemed like thin air, and probably watching a Thunderstorm on her porch.

I understand there's a disconnect here, because not everyone grew up with a French speaking grandmother from Northern Canada.

The point is: he adores you, or doesn't. Three dates in, sparks fly, or they don't. My DH was so shy, our first date was a group date that his friends invited me on. Date two he was something like 2 hours late (long story, and he's a lucky man I'm a good interpolater). By the end of date three, there was no turning back for either of us (and I'm not talking sexually).


What I'm saying is.. the end of each date should leave you wanting MORE, NOT questioning what will happen next. Not every date starts perfectly, ends perfectly, or proceeds perfectly, but if there's going to be something happening, there should be some thing happening that drives both people to the next date. I often tease DH about our "early ons", because I swear.. There was no way we should have panned out. But we did.

The problem comes, OP, if your loins are the only thing doing the talking, what else does guy bring to the table? You sound literate, intelligent, coherent..much more than a lot of folks. Is his really what you want? A man that won't ask for your number? One that won't take a traditional role (even for kicks)? One that puts you in the drivers seat for dating?

A lot of women I know would love this stuff, so I'm actually one of the few on his thread that will not debate the "beta male" thing. But, y need to know what you have, and be willing to deal with that. Is that what you want? Because that's what you have, or .. What y need to talk about

[Anonymous]

No need to comment on the details, you've felt uncomfortable and like the situation is strange a. from the first date, and b. over several dates. Trust your gut. No matter what anyone else thinks or feels, this situation is not right for you. That you're asking all these questions and second-guessing yourself should be a big enough sign that you should move on.

Find the guy you're comfortable with, who treats you well and makes you laugh. Ditch the ones that make you question yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I'm not a total idiot, thanks to those who realize that. I suppose I could be more detailed with the info I provide, but my posts already seem long. He is who he says he is - I have verified Facebook and LunkedIn profiles with his last name. He has invited me out on weekend nights, I have declined because the scheduling did not work out this far. Of course none of this means he isn't cheap or anything else, but I'm not just blindly going along with whatever he tells me.

Facebook can be faked, easily.

Linked IN probably could too.

As someone else said, use pipl.com.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said he's likely married. There's too many things that add up and the 'travel' story, IMO, sealed the deal that he's married.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be the oddball out here and ask OP why YOU didn't ask him for exchange of number, I actually suggestes a few pages back with a couple suggestions for how to do it, like an Internet excuse or something, your data plan is low whatever.
That would have given you a ton of information and ended this whole "is he married, why don't I have his number" thing.
Is there any chance you kind of like the drama and being so passive? You seem like you are putting this all in his hands instead of asking for or steering a towards what you want.
You have gotten a lot of good advice and suggestions and done nothing

[Anonymous]

He may not be married, but he's definitely hiding something. Also feeling you out for exactly when sex is going to happen is ballsy. If you'll pardon the pun. Ditch him, OP.

Oh, and "Old fashioned" minus "chivalry" = "Chauvanist".