He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

[Anonymous]

She could call him and tell him she found it odd he has not once paid her way. Wait she has no number. Haha.

Op: move on and don't look back. A guy into you will want to talk on the phone, pay for you. Woo yooo.

[Anonymous]

You're better than this guy, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

Yes, I am sexually attracted to him. Not sure if I'm going to keep going out with him, after tonight. He does seem like a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but it seems like we are just confusing each other, and neither of us is making the 'right' moves for the other to be less confused.

When you told him you like to move slowly he probably got confused, but he's giving you mixed messages too. How old is this guy?
I hate to admit it but a guy who doesn't offer to pay when he invites me out would turn me off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

Yes, I am sexually attracted to him. Not sure if I'm going to keep going out with him, after tonight. He does seem like a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but it seems like we are just confusing each other, and neither of us is making the 'right' moves for the other to be less confused.

When you told him you like to move slowly he probably got confused, but he's giving you mixed messages too. How old is this guy?
I hate to admit it but a guy who doesn't offer to pay when he invites me out would turn me off.

I simply don't get why they are even having these conversations about moving slow or being old fashioned. It is plain weird. Normal people don't have these conversations on a third date. They instead focus on learning about each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

Yes, I am sexually attracted to him. Not sure if I'm going to keep going out with him, after tonight. He does seem like a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but it seems like we are just confusing each other, and neither of us is making the 'right' moves for the other to be less confused.

When you told him you like to move slowly he probably got confused, but he's giving you mixed messages too. How old is this guy?
I hate to admit it but a guy who doesn't offer to pay when he invites me out would turn me off.

I simply don't get why they are even having these conversations about moving slow or being old fashioned. It is plain weird. Normal people don't have these conversations on a third date. They instead focus on learning about each other.

My focus as a guy when single was Her naked on my bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your third date sounds awful. When you meet a great guy it won't be like this. Stop wasting time with this man. I'm sure he has good qualities but the bad ones seem worse. When you go out with Mr Right, you won't think about posting about your dates or questions you may have.

YES! This!
It shouldn't be this hard, OP. Really. When it's right, it's easy. This isn't easy.

+1. It really shouldn't be this hard so early in the relationship.

+2. This is supposed to be the fun part.

He sounds like he might be a married consultant, looking for a girl in town. That could be one reason he wants you to pay for yourself - he can't expense you and doesn't want to buy your meals with his family's cc.

If that's not the case, he is cheap for sure. I wondered about the blunt-force screening tactic as well. So far you've been taking his crap so he must be thrilled. It's all upside for him. He keeps getting dinners out, paying only for himself, and then gets to sleep with you in Week 6? Why wouldn't he?

Finally, the fact that he keeps asking you out for weeknights without giving you his number is a major, major red flag. There's a wife or a girlfriend getting the weekends, I bet. I had a guy pull something similar on me and that was, in fact, the case. I am dying to know this guy's name, or at least his initials.

Lose this guy. He should have paid when he did the asking, he should have given you his # or asked for yours, and Tuesday dates are as sketchy as they come. And it just doesn't sound fun.

[Anonymous]

^^ she's right, it all sounds sketchy. And he now knows he'll get sex in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

The fact op is even continuing to go out with this man shows a lack of judgment. Guarantee you she will keep going out with him and will sleep with him. It is pathetic. In five years she will wonder why she is single!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact op is even continuing to go out with this man shows a lack of judgment. Guarantee you she will keep going out with him and will sleep with him. It is pathetic. In five years she will wonder why she is single!

Way harsh, and probably wrong. I'm the PP a few posts back who had a similar situation. I was in my mid-20s and new to the dating-strangers thing. I'd always dated people I knew through school or work, so I knew them better and sure as hell knew if they were already in a relationship. Those of us who are not sleazy bald-faced liars don't expect to run into such, and can't always recognize them right away (though it does become clear in time, once your observations and suspicions break through your basic trusting nature). OP is not lacking judgment or pathetic. She clearly sees that something's off. Your post is ridiculously stupid, hostile, and condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact op is even continuing to go out with this man shows a lack of judgment. Guarantee you she will keep going out with him and will sleep with him. It is pathetic. In five years she will wonder why she is single!

Way harsh, and probably wrong. I'm the PP a few posts back who had a similar situation. I was in my mid-20s and new to the dating-strangers thing. I'd always dated people I knew through school or work, so I knew them better and sure as hell knew if they were already in a relationship. Those of us who are not sleazy bald-faced liars don't expect to run into such, and can't always recognize them right away (though it does become clear in time, once your observations and suspicions break through your basic trusting nature). OP is not lacking judge by or pathetic. She clearly sees that something's off. Your post is ridiculously stupid, hostile, and condescending.

A self confident woman wouldn't continue to see a man she knows isn't treating her right and knows something is off. She would prefer her own company than to spend time with this guy. She would have gone out on one date. After the date when he left the check for twenty mknutes , she would have never spoken with him ever again.

[Anonymous]

I think someone hit the nail on the heard earlier on in this thread when th said he sounds married.

I think he's married and thinking about an affair, but isn't quite in the game yet.

The travel excuse, no phone number, the payments, always making you choose the venue, just a hug on the last date... Tuesday date.. Just all seem like things a married man testing his toe in the water, when he's not the "type".


Aside from this - quirks should be charming, even early on. This guy, to me, sideswipes quirk territory and jumps head in to creepy and questionable.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's married?
Wants it to look like only 1 person had a meal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would add that the fact that he's a picky eater is a red flag for me too! I find it unmanly. And even more so to talk about it on a first date. Seems fussbudget-y/persnickety to me. But that's just IMO and therefore irrelevant. Just feeling chatty and needed to chime in.

I agree totally PP. Being a picky eater is somewhat unattractive on either gender, but for men it seems especially bad to me. Very soft and childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Went on the third date tonight. Even more confused.

During the date, past relationships/relationships in general came up. He referenced how much he is wanting to see me, and said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel, and he is on an in/out schedule - typically a few weeks out, then a few weeks back - he needs to spend time with someone while he's in town, because he can't when he's done. I said (and it's true, has nothing to do with the payment/planning thing) that I generally move a bit slower, and don't think that a date/week is unusual for the first few dates.) He said (again with the old-fashioned) that he doesn't like to sleep around or date more than one person at a time. I told him that I also don't sleep with multiple people at the same time, but basically assume that by default everyone that I meet online has at least one or two other people they are talking to/dating until we have a conversation deciding otherwise. He asked how fast I could see myself moving (and he didn't specify sex or exclusivity, but from what he said think he was referring to both) and I said probably about 6 weeks of dating. He asked me out for Tuesday during the date.

Again, I paid for myself (we were the last people in the restaurant, and while he seems to have no qualms about that, I feel bad when the staff are just sitting there waiting on us) so I couldn't just try the suggested "wait him out and see what happens" strategy - so I put my card out first, after about 20 minutes of the bill just sitting on the table. He walked me to my car at the end of the date, and gave me a hug (no kiss this time). Then he said he had a good time, and mentioned how much he likes being around me, and that he usually doesn't talk so much/long, and I said I had a good time, too - he asked "really?" but made no move for further physical contact. Also still no exchange of numbers. Did I mention I'm confused?

OP he is a complete and total loser who is trying to game you, for free, and just hit the right number of dates until the panties drop, for free, and it's working. Drop him! What adult lets a bill sit on the table for 20 minutes? That's rude, woman or man, but especially for him because this is just his MO- he did this on the second date too. I have to believe you can do better- drop him.
Not to mention with his work comments he's setting you up for the future fade; seriously don't see this loser again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

Yes, I am sexually attracted to him. Not sure if I'm going to keep going out with him, after tonight. He does seem like a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but it seems like we are just confusing each other, and neither of us is making the 'right' moves for the other to be less confused.

He is not confused at all. He knows exactly what he's doing.