He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

[Anonymous]

Immediate PP I agree with you that picky eating is annoying and not good behavior on the first date --- and it's annoying when exhibited by either gender. Nothing manly, or unmanly, about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:W/O wading into the other issues, I think the first date is the key - he suggested dinner and then split the check. I'm not saying that definitely equals cheap, more that he suggested it so it would have been a nice gesture for him to pay.

As a woman, I wouldn't mind paying or going Dutch at all. But good will goes a long way in dating - he suggested dinner and he pays. I would have then said next one's on me.

I don't know if your guy is cheap or what but things are definitely a bit awkward in dealing with him. I would pass.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have give him a second date.

[Anonymous]

If he is inviting you out, he should pay. Period. Any gentleman wouldn't allow you to pay half. If he has a good paying job and he is letting you pay half, he is cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ran into this before with a guy from an online site.

I am old fashioned. If I am paying, it's not a date, it's just hanging out with a friend. So after a couple months of going out and splitting the bill (all told a couple months meant we had been out maybe 4 times - hard to coordinate schedules) I mentioned going out on a date with someone from the same site and he got all huffy and asked how I could do that. I told him that I didn't consider us to be dating. He had also said he was "old fashioned" but no, he was just really cheap.

So you're a prostitute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are women who don't even offer to pay "cheap"? Equal pay but double standards.

Exactly. Look at all the women in thread looking for a gravy train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is inviting you out, he should pay. Period. Any gentleman wouldn't allow you to pay half. If he has a good paying job and he is letting you pay half, he is cheap.

Try looking in the mirror before calling someone else cheap, honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:W/O wading into the other issues, I think the first date is the key - he suggested dinner and then split the check. I'm not saying that definitely equals cheap, more that he suggested it so it would have been a nice gesture for him to pay.

As a woman, I wouldn't mind paying or going Dutch at all. But good will goes a long way in dating - he suggested dinner and he pays. I would have then said next one's on me.

I don't know if your guy is cheap or what but things are definitely a bit awkward in dealing with him. I would pass.

+1. For all this guy knew, drinks were all that was in OP's budget to pay for. He upped the ante by changing it to dinner, and then expected her to pay half, i.e., much less than she originally anticipated paying when she suggested the date. That's just poor form.

[Anonymous]

I was involved with someone like this. I don't mind Dutch, but what I found out was this was someone who kept "accounting."

Women are not built so that it's an equal risk in relationships. An analogy might be: a man who commits is betting one dollar while a woman who commits is betting twenty dollars simply based on the biology of becoming pregnant, having options, say, as an older divorced woman, so forth.

Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family.

If you're just effing around, I guess it's okay, but in terms of traditional, I don't like it.

I think you should be treated like a queen. If it ain't happening now, consider what it will be like later.

I will probably catch DCUM hell for that. ironically I'm a working DW who makes more than my husband, so I'm not waiting around for someone to pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the same factors are in play the next time you go out, wait until the check comes. Smile, reach for it, and say "I'll get this one, since I chose the place. Why don't you get the next one?"

Then see what he says/does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is cheap. Call me old-fashioned, but if he's trying to court you, he should be supping for these dinners…

This. If you're making the woman pay--it's a form of disrespect. I don't care if he's cheap. The subtext is "I don't value spending time with you enough to pay for your meal." If you want to have a romantic relationship with a woman, this is unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was involved with someone like this. I don't mind Dutch, but what I found out was this was someone who kept "accounting."

Women are not built so that it's an equal risk in relationships. An analogy might be: a man who commits is betting one dollar while a woman who commits is betting twenty dollars simply based on the biology of becoming pregnant, having options, say, as an older divorced woman, so forth.

Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family.

If you're just effing around, I guess ti's okay, but in terms of traditional, I don't like it.

I think you should be treated like a queen. If it ain't happening now, consider what it will be like later.

I will probably catch DCUM hell for that. ironically I'm a working DW who makes more than my husband, so I'm not waiting around for someone to pay the bills.

I agree with you and I also make a similar salary as my husband. He demonstrated when dating that he can take care of me and a family.

[Anonymous]

Guy sounds like my german boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's attempting some kind of brute-force screening strategy -- screening-out women who won't tolerate his cheapness, until he finds his "princess."

It may be a turn-off, but maybe that's the point. One day, he will land his prize of a woman who is cool with his tightwad personality.

[Anonymous]

Run, this is not just cheap but something else going on. If he invited you, he should at least offer to pay or rotate who pays. After two dates, and you ordering minimally, forget it.

When I dated my husband he was broke (doing well now) and I knew it, so we often split the bill but he always offered to pay. (now he pays for everything so he made up for all of it)