He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

[Anonymous]

Op. Move on! You deserve so much better! ?

[Anonymous]

"Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family."

I wouldn't to that far, but I would say that a man taking charge of plans and offering to pay during the first few dates demonstrates how serious he is about the relationship. If budget is an issue, a guy can plan some pretty fun first few dates without spending a ton of money - its effort and the spirit of generosity (of time or money) that are important. Once I've been wooed, then I'm happy to pitch in equally (though I always do some during the first few dates, whether with the planning or offering to pay).

I don't get the worry about creating expectations if a woman doesn't pay her half during the first few dates - if you don't think that you may want to sleep the the guy at some point in time, why are you going out with him? If I felt that way, then I would definitely offer to go dutch, but then I would be friend zoning the guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family."

I wouldn't to that far, but I would say that a man taking charge of plans and offering to pay during the first few dates demonstrates how serious he is about the relationship. If budget is an issue, a guy can plan some pretty fun first few dates without spending a ton of money - its effort and the spirit of generosity (of time or money) that are important. Once I've been wooed, then I'm happy to pitch in equally (though I always do some during the first few dates, whether with the planning or offering to pay).

I don't get the worry about creating expectations if a woman doesn't pay her half during the first few dates - if you don't think that you may want to sleep the the guy at some point in time, why are you going out with him? If I felt that way, then I would definitely offer to go dutch, but then I would be friend zoning the guy.

Hahah. "Spirit of generosity." Of course, that's a one way generosity. Don't forget that, gents.

[Anonymous]

Funny as crap ... Like a Seinfeld episode!

[Anonymous]

OP here. To the questions:

No, we haven't slept together. Kissed at the end of the second date.

I do like him - he's funny and cute and interesting. That said, these things are confusing me. My experience with other men has been like others have posted here - if I guy specifically calls himself old-fashioned, and seems to like me/want to see me again, he either offers to pay (I don't necessarily let him) or just does pay and says "you can get the next one" which also implies he likes me because there will be a next time. I've also never had a guy be so insistent that I choose things. I don't want someone ordering for me, as a PP suggested, but what's wrong with each of us choosing an appetizer, if we are going to order two to share?

[Anonymous]

Since he is a man, doesn't he order more food and maybe an extra drink? Meaning you're subsidizing his meals! This is a better deal than going out with a male friend for him. This is lame and seems like a man child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming the same factors are in play the next time you go out, wait until the check comes. Smile, reach for it, and say "I'll get this one, since I chose the place. Why don't you get the next one?"

Then see what he says/does.

I think OP should reverse that and say " here, guy, you get this one, I'll get the next one" and see what he does.

[Anonymous]

When you were in the bathroom, and the biill came, and then he just "got up to leave" - sorry, I'd be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is inviting you out, he should pay. Period. Any gentleman wouldn't allow you to pay half. If he has a good paying job and he is letting you pay half, he is cheap.

Try looking in the mirror before calling someone else cheap, honey.

I'm not cheap. If I invite my friends out to dinner, I expect to pay for them and I do. This guy is inviting the OP out and then not paying the whole bill. Why? He is taking advantage of her generosity. If he didn't have the money, he shouldn't be taking her to places he cannot afford. It sounds like he can afford it and he is letting her pay for herself essentially. That is cheap.

[Anonymous]

He sounds really confused, like a bit of a loser. Next time, dont offer to pay at all. If he looks at you, or asks, be like, "Im confused, I thought you were old fashioned?" This kind of manner-less behavior on his part is SUCH a damn turn off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is inviting you out, he should pay. Period. Any gentleman wouldn't allow you to pay half. If he has a good paying job and he is letting you pay half, he is cheap.

Try looking in the mirror before calling someone else cheap, honey.

I'm not cheap. If I invite my friends out to dinner, I expect to pay for them and I do. This guy is inviting the OP out and then not paying the whole bill. Why? He is taking advantage of her generosity. If he didn't have the money, he shouldn't be taking her to places he cannot afford. It sounds like he can afford it and he is letting her pay for herself essentially. That is cheap.

Exactly. Especially if he has the gall to call himself old fashioned. It's absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you were in the bathroom, and the biill came, and then he just "got up to leave" - sorry, I'd be done.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since he is a man, doesn't he order more food and maybe an extra drink? Meaning you're subsidizing his meals! This is a better deal than going out with a male friend for him. This is lame and seems like a man child.

Totally agree. He should be so embarrassed, especially when the bartender (rightfully) assumed he would be paying for the meal and he had to explain that he was too cheap and wanted to spilt it. What a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy is cheap. Call me old-fashioned, but if he's trying to court you, he should be supping for these dinners...

Exactly.

x3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get cheap vibes, which is never a good sign. It's not that it's the man's "job" to pay for dates, but I've never known a good guy yet who doesn't wind up paying for the first few. (The kabuki is, the woman offers to pay, he says "no I've got it" and she says "thank you."). The problem with cheapness on the check is that it tends to spill over in other areas of a guy's behavior. Stingy bastards are stingy bastards, and over time they make their companions miserable.

And as others have pointed out, this isn't the only red flag. He's just wasting time with you - he's not really into you.

Totally agree.