He says he's old-fashioned, but keeps letting me set up dates, and pay

[Anonymous]

Why even go out with this guy again?! Find someone else who is enjoyable to hang out with and is a gentleman. End of story.

[Anonymous]

My guess is the guy doesn't consider them dating. He thinks they are friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was involved with someone like this. I don't mind Dutch, but what I found out was this was someone who kept "accounting."

Women are not built so that it's an equal risk in relationships. An analogy might be: a man who commits is betting one dollar while a woman who commits is betting twenty dollars simply based on the biology of becoming pregnant, having options, say, as an older divorced woman, so forth.

Old fashioned Courting aimed at marriage should reflect a man's recognition and willingness to demonstrate he will take care of a family.

If you're just effing around, I guess it's okay, but in terms of traditional, I don't like it.

I think you should be treated like a queen. If it ain't happening now, consider what it will be like later.

I will probably catch DCUM hell for that. ironically I'm a working DW who makes more than my husband, so I'm not waiting around for someone to pay the bills.

I totally agree with you, for the exact same reasons you mentioned. Additionally, women are at more of a risk of even ACCEPTING a date. I think Louis CK explained it best:

when he said a woman going on a date with a man is putting herself in physical danger. Men cause a huge amount of injury, murder, rape to women, so when you agree to go out on a stranger, and statistically speaking that person might very well physically hurt you, yeah I think it's the gentlemanly/polite thing to do to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's attempting some kind of brute-force screening strategy -- screening-out women who won't tolerate his cheapness, until he finds his "princess."

It may be a turn-off, but maybe that's the point. One day, he will land his prize of a woman who is cool with his tightwad personality.

Thats what I suspect. It reminds me of my dad, who dated around until he found my mother who (inexplicably) decided to look past his tightwad behavior. Fast forward 15 years and both parents were earning 6 figures, but we were never allowed to go out to eat except maybe a handful of times a year, and my father's idea of a birthday present was a new iron. Seriously, OP, if he is acting this way on the first couple dates, the cheapness will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Went on the third date tonight. Even more confused.

During the date, past relationships/relationships in general came up. He referenced how much he is wanting to see me, and said that he typically (and somewhat necessarily) moves faster - as his job requires quite a bit of travel, and he is on an in/out schedule - typically a few weeks out, then a few weeks back - he needs to spend time with someone while he's in town, because he can't when he's done. I said (and it's true, has nothing to do with the payment/planning thing) that I generally move a bit slower, and don't think that a date/week is unusual for the first few dates.) He said (again with the old-fashioned) that he doesn't like to sleep around or date more than one person at a time. I told him that I also don't sleep with multiple people at the same time, but basically assume that by default everyone that I meet online has at least one or two other people they are talking to/dating until we have a conversation deciding otherwise. He asked how fast I could see myself moving (and he didn't specify sex or exclusivity, but from what he said think he was referring to both) and I said probably about 6 weeks of dating. He asked me out for Tuesday during the date.

Again, I paid for myself (we were the last people in the restaurant, and while he seems to have no qualms about that, I feel bad when the staff are just sitting there waiting on us) so I couldn't just try the suggested "wait him out and see what happens" strategy - so I put my card out first, after about 20 minutes of the bill just sitting on the table. He walked me to my car at the end of the date, and gave me a hug (no kiss this time). Then he said he had a good time, and mentioned how much he likes being around me, and that he usually doesn't talk so much/long, and I said I had a good time, too - he asked "really?" but made no move for further physical contact. Also still no exchange of numbers. Did I mention I'm confused?

[Anonymous]

^He's a straight up loser. He let the check sit on the table for 20 minutes? Are you kidding? This guy has no shame whatsoever. It's better you than me because I would have been happy to call him out and embarrass him at this point. I would love to know, for my own entertainment, what the hell this guy's definition of "old fashioned" is, because it certainly doesn't match up with my idea of the word! Time to DTMF.

[Anonymous]

He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He must be very attractive, or you must feel some sexual attraction towards him, to keep going despite his oddness.
Am I right?

Yes, I am sexually attracted to him. Not sure if I'm going to keep going out with him, after tonight. He does seem like a good guy, and I enjoy his company, but it seems like we are just confusing each other, and neither of us is making the 'right' moves for the other to be less confused.

[Anonymous]

Call me "old-fashioned" here, but as a Female, I think it is always a good impression for the man to pay on the first date. I have no logic for this belief, it just is something that has always been done w/me. I always offer to pay and I am always sincere in my offer, but the man always insists on paying the bill, even after I offer to at least pay the tip.

Most men who are true gentlemen will do this, esp. on a first date OP.

Since your date suggested dinner for your first date, I would think he would offer to pay for the dinner because a). It was the first date after all and b). He suggested it.

Personally he sounds more cheap than old-fashioned to me.

Also, the whole phone number thing is quite odd.

I wonder if he is married.

[Anonymous]

Move on, OP. This isn't going anywhere. Dude sounds clueless. If a guy wants to be with you, he let's you know.

[Anonymous]

This guy sounds like a complete joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me "old-fashioned" here, but as a Female, I think it is always a good impression for the man to pay on the first date. I have no logic for this belief, it just is something that has always been done w/me. I always offer to pay and I am always sincere in my offer, but the man always insists on paying the bill, even after I offer to at least pay the tip.

Most men who are true gentlemen will do this, esp. on a first date OP.

Since your date suggested dinner for your first date, I would think he would offer to pay for the dinner because a). It was the first date after all and b). He suggested it.

Personally he sounds more cheap than old-fashioned to me.

Also, the whole phone number thing is quite odd.

[/b]I wonder if he is married.[/b]

+1

After what you just typed, I wonder if he's playing around in another city.

I'm sorry - he may be hot, but he's weird. I'd move on.

[Anonymous]

Your third date sounds awful. When you meet a great guy it won't be like this. Stop wasting time with this man. I'm sure he has good qualities but the bad ones seem worse. When you go out with Mr Right, you won't think about posting about your dates or questions you may have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your third date sounds awful. When you meet a great guy it won't be like this. Stop wasting time with this man. I'm sure he has good qualities but the bad ones seem worse. When you go out with Mr Right, you won't think about posting about your dates or questions you may have.

YES! This!
It shouldn't be this hard, OP. Really. When it's right, it's easy. This isn't easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your third date sounds awful. When you meet a great guy it won't be like this. Stop wasting time with this man. I'm sure he has good qualities but the bad ones seem worse. When you go out with Mr Right, you won't think about posting about your dates or questions you may have.

YES! This!
It shouldn't be this hard, OP. Really. When it's right, it's easy. This isn't easy.

+1. It really shouldn't be this hard so early in the relationship.