Things you wish your wish your spouse told you before the wedding:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a lot like my mother.

Never satisfied?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok I'll play too:

- Despite the fact that we both work full time jobs, you will be responsible for figuring out all of our finances and paying our bills, all laundry, dry cleaning drop-off/pick-up, grocery shopping, cooking of all dinners, planning all vacations and our social calendar, researching all vendors and booking them, making sure that our child has everything they need, etc. I will tell you that I will take care of things like garbage and cleaning up after dinner/dishwasher loading and unloading, but will really never do it unless nagged...which will follow with me getting huffy and obnoxious toward you.

- I know that when we were dating I used to buy you little gifts, be affectionate with you and give you compliments. But after we are married I will only buy you a gift for your birthday and Christmas, I will instead buy myself all sorts of gadgets and whatever hobby I cycle through at the time. I won't even buy or pick out anything for our children from me. Oh, and no more compliments....you're just there.

- I know that I seemed like a really handy guy who took a lot of pride in his things. But after we are married, I will refuse to do home maintenance and repair. Weekends are for me to relax, you know. I will only help with keeping up our home if pestered about it and I can't put it off any longer.

- After we have a child, I will not have sex with you anymore. I won't explain why. When asked I will tell you that it's hard because i'm tired all the time and we don't want to wake the baby. When you get upset about it and feel rejected I will stonewall you and pretend like the issue doesn't exist. When sex comes on TV or in movies and creates an awkward silence in the room, I will bury my face in my tablet and pray to God that you don't bring it up again.

- Every night, I will eat the meal you prepared for us, bury myself in reading tech articles online and then fall asleep on the sofa by 9 pm and snore like a freight train like an old man. I won't ask you about your day, or watch a show with you.

You sound like an enabler if you are doing all of the cooking,picking up his groceries, buying presents, etc. Just STOP. Go out and make friends. Spend time with people who ask about your day.

Or get divorced. He sounds like a loser. You should show him your post

[Anonymous]

Ok, number 5 is hysterical.

Anonymous wrote:Things I wish my DH had told me:

1. I will do missionary until I'm 55 and then I'll stop with sex altogether.

2. I have a palate that hasn't really advanced since I was 7 years old. I have no desire to change this.

3. I will never lift a finger to do anything 'handy' in the house ever.

4. At a certain point I will completely give in to toenail fungus.

5. My idea of vigorous activity is a listless shamble towards the TV when I can't find the remote.

6. I'll keep a vigorous head of healthy hair, but my teeth will crumble out of my mouth one by one.

7. When you get down to it, I'm afraid of animals and fast moving machinery.

8. I didn't grow up using fancy things like 'sheets' and 'silverware'.

9. I really can't drive my way out of a paper bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a lot like my mother.

Never satisfied?

Not quite. More like, apt to see and focus on only the negative instead of the positive. Also, thinking that picking away at someone until they get upset, then mocking them for getting upset, is all in good fun. Having a nasty mean streak. Never admitting that they are wrong.

MIL hid her real self from me for a long time. As time has gone on, spouse has become more and more like her. Don't like it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a lot like my mother.

Never satisfied?

Why do we scream at each other?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-- you know my great work ethic? it's disappearing the day after we get married

-- i slept with my old boss and will sleep around more once i'm dissatisfied in the marriage

-- you are fully responsible for the family's financial well being. if i want to do charity work, you must support that decision.

-- even after i've abdicated most of my responsibility for financially supporting our family, i will still insist on seeing the most expensive therapist and buying things i want and our health care plan can't be a cheaper HMO because i don't want to be hammed in in my choice of doctors.

-- my slobbiness is not just a 20s thing. i will continue it long after we've had children

-- i will resent having to spend time with your family and will jump at any chance to see my friends instead. you, however, are required to go on all visits to see my family, who i love/hate

-- if you don't listen to my long, rambling, self-aborbed monologues about myself, you are not "hearing" me

how's that?

I would drive off, disappear, and work in a donut shop in the middle of nowhere before I would put up with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, number 5 is hysterical.

Anonymous wrote:Things I wish my DH had told me:

1. I will do missionary until I'm 55 and then I'll stop with sex altogether.

2. I have a palate that hasn't really advanced since I was 7 years old. I have no desire to change this.

3. I will never lift a finger to do anything 'handy' in the house ever.

4. At a certain point I will completely give in to toenail fungus.

5. My idea of vigorous activity is a listless shamble towards the TV when I can't find the remote.

6. I'll keep a vigorous head of healthy hair, but my teeth will crumble out of my mouth one by one.

7. When you get down to it, I'm afraid of animals and fast moving machinery.

8. I didn't grow up using fancy things like 'sheets' and 'silverware'.

9. I really can't drive my way out of a paper bag.

I have a genuine question for the bitter posters - how long after you were married did this behavior start?

I lived with my spouse before marriage so there have been few surprises so far, but then again it has been only around a year...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, number 5 is hysterical.

Anonymous wrote:Things I wish my DH had told me:

1. I will do missionary until I'm 55 and then I'll stop with sex altogether.

2. I have a palate that hasn't really advanced since I was 7 years old. I have no desire to change this.

3. I will never lift a finger to do anything 'handy' in the house ever.

4. At a certain point I will completely give in to toenail fungus.

5. My idea of vigorous activity is a listless shamble towards the TV when I can't find the remote.

6. I'll keep a vigorous head of healthy hair, but my teeth will crumble out of my mouth one by one.

7. When you get down to it, I'm afraid of animals and fast moving machinery.

8. I didn't grow up using fancy things like 'sheets' and 'silverware'.

9. I really can't drive my way out of a paper bag.

I have a genuine question for the bitter posters - how long after you were married did this behavior start?

I lived with my spouse before marriage so there have been few surprises so far, but then again it has been only around a year…

I'm married to the shambler--it's a 20 year marriage. And I'm really not bitter, just being brutally honest. It takes several years and the appearance of multiple children and life stressors for these behaviors to be established as pretty much permanent. He also has many wonderful qualities or I wouldn't be here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually a lot like my mother.

Never satisfied?

Why do we scream at each other?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

I, like my father, am too bold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, number 5 is hysterical.

Anonymous wrote:Things I wish my DH had told me:

1. I will do missionary until I'm 55 and then I'll stop with sex altogether.

2. I have a palate that hasn't really advanced since I was 7 years old. I have no desire to change this.

3. I will never lift a finger to do anything 'handy' in the house ever.

4. At a certain point I will completely give in to toenail fungus.

5. My idea of vigorous activity is a listless shamble towards the TV when I can't find the remote.

6. I'll keep a vigorous head of healthy hair, but my teeth will crumble out of my mouth one by one.

7. When you get down to it, I'm afraid of animals and fast moving machinery.

8. I didn't grow up using fancy things like 'sheets' and 'silverware'.

9. I really can't drive my way out of a paper bag.

I have a genuine question for the bitter posters - how long after you were married did this behavior start?

I lived with my spouse before marriage so there have been few surprises so far, but then again it has been only around a year...

About 5 years in, mostly after out kid was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish he had told me about what the bottled up anger was all about. Or that it would leak out and turn him into an angry violent man. I wish he had told me that someday i would tremble in fear at the sight of him. I wish he had told me that i was making a terrible, life-altering choice that would someday make me regret the day i was born.

I feel so bad for you reading this, and I don't even know you.

Did you get out of that excuse for a marriage? If you haven't yet, are you planning to?

Please, learn how to exit an abusive marriage safely. You deserve peace in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- I don't have your best interest at heart, and if I have to choose, I'll make a decision that's convenient for me
-I think children should be spanked and beaten into submission.
-I have a gambling habit
-I lie about things all the time, even when the truth is a better story
-you're last on my list
-we're NOT just friends, and we'll continue to screw around in spite of my public commitment to you
-I'm irresponsible
-I promise everything and deliver nothing
-I'm probably in the spectrum of several cluster B personality disorders

I'm sorry you're enduring something this horrible. Are you still married?

Yes, I feel the same as the PP (the one who expressed sympathy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish he had told me about what the bottled up anger was all about. Or that it would leak out and turn him into an angry violent man. I wish he had told me that someday i would tremble in fear at the sight of him. I wish he had told me that i was making a terrible, life-altering choice that would someday make me regret the day i was born.

I'm so sorry pp. Please tell me you left him?

I left him. Five years ago. But we have kids so i still have to deal with him. He is still verbally abusive, takes out his anger on me at every opportunity and generally causes me a lot if distress. When i stand up to him it gets worse and i feel like each time i fall further down. I am still afraid he will hurt me but he hasn't since we were first separated. I can avoid being alone with him so probably i am safe from physical harm - just can't seem to shake the fear. I am shaking right now as i type this - i don't talk about this at all IRL, it is just too much to lay on anyone. And i don't want anyone to know. Thank you for asking.

You can't let that excuse for a man run your life forever. You need therapy to shake the fear. Please do consider it. For the sake of your children, if nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I can watch The Shawshank Redemption an infinite number of times and if it's on any cable channel I will expect to watch it, even if I just watched it earlier in the day.

Gee! I was not aware I was married. I could have written this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im gonna get really fat when pregnant and it will be hard on me emotionally. I will lose the weight within the year but each time it will be really hard for me. I know you don't care but I felt disgusting each time for a solid year. Please try and realize its super super hard for me.

???
Fail. This is not something she could have predicted.

x1,000

If she had never been pregnant, she couldn't have the faintest idea of how her body would react to the pregnancy.

And gaining weight is traumatic to some people. Have some compassion.

Wanna bet that if she hadn't experienced her weight gain as a major trauma and hadn't lost the weight each time you'd be here complaining about what a disgusting lazy fat slob she was?