Things you wish your wish your spouse told you before the wedding:

[Anonymous]

I will spend at least 15 minutes, twice a day, on the toilet, and most of those opportunities will be when you are getting 2 toddlers ready to go somewhere

I will have a fight with my mother every time she visits, which I will promptly forget about 24 hrs after she leaves and wonder why you dread those visits

I will be a newborn ninja, a baby whisperer, and blow an entire hospital floor of nurses away with my first time dad skills. I will actually teach YOU how to nurse.

[Anonymous]

1. Sex? Why would I need sex with you when I can watch porn?

2. What do you mean you want to have sex more than once or twice per year?

3. No, this isn't a problem for me so I have no idea why it should be a problem for you.

4. Household chores? I will agree to do a few things to shut you up, but then I just won't do them.

5. Cook meals? Sure! Velveeta mac n cheese is a meal right? We can eat that every night. Or pizza. Healthy meals are overrated.

6. When you cook meals, if I don't like them, I will make a face like a 6 year old and I will tell our child she doesn't have to eat her meal.

7. I loathe your family and don't want to spend any time with them. If they give me a gift, I will find something to criticize about it to them when they give it to me.

8. Re #7: I can't stand my family either and I never complain that I only see my mother a few times per year because you are the planner and simply never plan to see her.

9. I will do anything you ask me to do for our child. Anything. I will buy pantyliners for her, but not for you. Anything. I will do anything for her. Hair cuts, buying shoes, driving to lessons. If you tell me she needs it, I will make it happen.

10. I will wake up, feed her, change her, comfort her, bathe her, and stay home with her for sick days and snow days just as often as you.

11. Whatever plans you make for us are fine with me. Where ever you take us on vacation is fine. The friends you make for us are great. Whatever you want is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

I know we are ridiculously happy but I am going to pass away suddenly, leaving you to raise three kids under five. I should have had that mammogram I kept putting off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know we are ridiculously happy but I am going to pass away suddenly, leaving you to raise three kids under five. I should have had that mammogram I kept putting off.

Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know we are ridiculously happy but I am going to pass away suddenly, leaving you to raise three kids under five. I should have had that mammogram I kept putting off.

Very sad.

So sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

[Anonymous]

Agree, I'm so sorry, 10:23.


I wish my husband had told me the truth regarding his feelings about having a family. He told me repeatedly that he wanted children. It took more than a decade for him to tell me he was lying about that, that he never wanted children but told me he did because he thought that was the right thing to say.

[Anonymous]

The more money I make the less I will share with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish my DW had told me that she really did not have a work ethic, that she is lazy, and hates house work.

I wish I knew she would spend her days on her phone instead of doing anything else....

Oh, and I wish I knew that sex was only for landing a hubby and making a kid.

I could have written this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know we are ridiculously happy but I am going to pass away suddenly, leaving you to raise three kids under five. I should have had that mammogram I kept putting off.

I'm going to schedule my overdue mammogram right the fuck now.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be your best friend and just a general good guy.

Despite what you believe, I'm always going to be there for you.

During the most horrible time in your life, I will make you laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be your best friend and just a general good guy.

Despite what you believe, I'm always going to be there for you.

During the most horrible time in your life, I will make you laugh.

!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know we are ridiculously happy but I am going to pass away suddenly, leaving you to raise three kids under five. I should have had that mammogram I kept putting off.

I'm going to schedule my overdue mammogram right the fuck now.

Mine is scheduled for March. Original PP who lost his wife, I'm so very sorry.

[Anonymous]

My mother is not merely eccentric she's crazy. Smile and don't say anything about her but when she comes to visit, find ways to not be around much. When I'm left alone with her she'll actually irritate the crap out of me and I won't be able to make it about you.

I don't know how to fix anything around the house. Just hire someone and save us a lot of fights.

[Anonymous]

1. I seem perfect now, but in 15 years you will discover my secret life.

2. I am somewhere between a NPD and a sociopath, which is why I seem so perfect right now in the honeymoon phase, and why I can fool everyone.

3. I will throw away my career and end up in debt because I am too good to work a normal job.

4. I love my mother, I idolize my mother, I am my mother.

5. I am only marrying you because your family has money and because you are very young and naive and believe all my lies. Oh, and you are the perfect girl-next-door prop for me.

6. When you discover who I really am, I will turn on you and try to destroy you.

7. I never wanted kids, but now they are a reflection of my NPD self.

[Anonymous]

My family will ALWAYS come first. Get used to it.