I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's only "mistake" was being spotted on a date by someone she was also dating, and actually preferred. I would have called him up and said, "Guy 1, I kept wishing I was there with you instead of on that stupid date." Let him know how much I enjoy spending time with him and that I'd be happy to date exclusively.

But that would have been a a bunch of crap and anyone with a shred of self respect would know it.

"Guy 1, it would have been so much better if it had been you in my mouth."

Yeah. No thanks.

Not slut shaming anyone here. I don't think she's wrong for dating and playing around. The mentality that guy 1 has to wait for sex because she likes him, while guy 2 and guy 3 get it immediately (and LIKING the sex with guy 2) is what I think is wrong.

"But the sex will be more meaningful with you, Guy 1." - just a line of BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

I am 11:46. I'm not judging her sex life at all. I'm simply suggesting why guy 1 was shocked to see her on a date, and also to suggest that she would have been hurt if she saw guy 1 out with another woman. I couldn't care less who she has sex with or how often. But this was a thread to discuss her situation, so the simple act of discussion will carry with it some opinions on the defensibility of her actions.

[Anonymous]

I'm not naïve - my wife was doing it with a couple of other guys when we first starting going out. But my job was not, and will never be, to tell someone else what to do.

I did tell her that I do not sleep with multiple people and if that was what she was into, to leave me out. And that if she did not feel there was the potential to be a couple, to let me know so that I could eventually find someone who would be interested in that with me.

Well, it worked out so I don't look at OP as a bad person, maybe just someone who can't seal the deal with a guy who would actually be good to her. Married for 15 years, every once in a while "remind" her of the circumstances when we met, then have some fun....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not naïve - my wife was doing it with a couple of other guys when we first starting going out. But my job was not, and will never be, to tell someone else what to do.

I did tell her that I do not sleep with multiple people and if that was what she was into, to leave me out. And that if she did not feel there was the potential to be a couple, to let me know so that I could eventually find someone who would be interested in that with me.

Well, it worked out so I don't look at OP as a bad person, maybe just someone who can't seal the deal with a guy who would actually be good to her. Married for 15 years, every once in a while "remind" her of the circumstances when we met, then have some fun....

That's fine, I agree with you. But my whole point is that, reading between the lines, I have the sense that she maneuvered guy 1 into thinking he was in an exclusive relationship, while leaving herself the freedom to sleep with other men. I might be way off base, but I don't thnk so. If so, that is not a morally defensible course of action on OP's part. Nor would it be if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Reading between the lines = inventing your own story line to make a point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading between the lines = inventing your own story line to make a point

Maybe. It's hard to say for sure what's really going on. As I posted above, OP used some pretty strong words that could certainly suggest guy 1 was confused. To address your point directly, every response to a thread like this is opinion and/or conjecture because none of us has any real info.

[Anonymous]

OP we need an update!

[Anonymous]

Did OP even say that she had not slept with Guy 1?

This whole thread is confusing -- people asserting that she MUST tell Guy 1 that she slept with the other guy, etc. Why MUST she tell him, exactly? Clearly they are not yet in an exclusive relationoship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

I am 11:46. I'm not judging her sex life at all. I'm simply suggesting why guy 1 was shocked to see her on a date, and also to suggest that she would have been hurt if she saw guy 1 out with another woman. I couldn't care less who she has sex with or how often. But this was a thread to discuss her situation, so the simple act of discussion will carry with it some opinions on the defensibility of her actions.

Here are few comments made in this thread ... not by you, and maybe all by the same poster, but tell me -- would a man ever face this kind of judgment about his sex life?


yeah, he's done with you. take heed to the lesson you;ve just been taught.

You sound and act like total trash.

It depends on guy number 1's self-esteem. If he has none, he'll deal with being second fiddle (and she'll continue to fantasize about guy #2 until she ultimately gets with him again).

This girl is the epitome of everything that keeps getting discussed over and over. Wants to take things slowly with guy 1, but immediately has sex with guy 2 and guy 3.

Same scenario, different woman, over and over and over. If guy 1 has brains, he will run.

op is trying to justify her slutty was by being around a guy she wants to go slow with.

she is a doormat and likes that. if she wanted a guy like #1 she woudl have stuck with him and not put out with the ass hole guys.

[Anonymous]

It could be the same person. It could be a number of people who see things logically rather than emotionally.

I agree with most of those things. I don't agree that she is a slut. I do think, like most women, she's trying to justify why she won't sleep with the first guy right away while immediately jumping in the sack with the other 2 (all while still dating the first).

As a male, I've taken shit from girls I wasn't even dating when they found out I was hanging with another girl (not dating, not an FWB). The insanity that happened from that shows that women do view things in the same light when the tables were reversed.

I fooled around with a girl who claimed she loved me (which was strange for many reasons), yet had no problem admitting she slept with someone just days before.

Sorry. I'd rather be the guy you fuck like a porn star rather than the guy you make wait and only offer tame, vanilla sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

I am 11:46. I'm not judging her sex life at all. I'm simply suggesting why guy 1 was shocked to see her on a date, and also to suggest that she would have been hurt if she saw guy 1 out with another woman. I couldn't care less who she has sex with or how often. But this was a thread to discuss her situation, so the simple act of discussion will carry with it some opinions on the defensibility of her actions.

Here are few comments made in this thread ... not by you, and maybe all by the same poster, but tell me -- would a man ever face this kind of judgment about his sex life?


yeah, he's done with you. take heed to the lesson you;ve just been taught.

You sound and act like total trash.

It depends on guy number 1's self-esteem. If he has none, he'll deal with being second fiddle (and she'll continue to fantasize about guy #2 until she ultimately gets with him again).

This girl is the epitome of everything that keeps getting discussed over and over. Wants to take things slowly with guy 1, but immediately has sex with guy 2 and guy 3.

Same scenario, different woman, over and over and over. If guy 1 has brains, he will run.

op is trying to justify her slutty was by being around a guy she wants to go slow with.

she is a doormat and likes that. if she wanted a guy like #1 she woudl have stuck with him and not put out with the ass hole guys.

I'm a guy who posts somewhat frequently.

Men are not just as likely to come here seeking relationship advice. But those who do and once the truth comes out, if their behavior is outrageous or disrespectful, they get hammered. Admittedly there are some women who just hammer away at men regardless - like some men do to women on certain topics.

But wrt to the passages you quoted - what exactly is offense with what people posted as response (apart from a couple of over-the-top/nasty remarks)? If you spend enough time here, you do see this scenario get played out over and over again.

[Anonymous]

I would like to add a plot twist to this made up story, what if they all got herpes except for the 2nd guy. Would that make her less slutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

Please exactly when did that happen? People have been having "premarital" sex all through history and prehistory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

I am 11:46. I'm not judging her sex life at all. I'm simply suggesting why guy 1 was shocked to see her on a date, and also to suggest that she would have been hurt if she saw guy 1 out with another woman. I couldn't care less who she has sex with or how often. But this was a thread to discuss her situation, so the simple act of discussion will carry with it some opinions on the defensibility of her actions.

Here are few comments made in this thread ... not by you, and maybe all by the same poster, but tell me -- would a man ever face this kind of judgment about his sex life?


yeah, he's done with you. take heed to the lesson you;ve just been taught.

You sound and act like total trash.

It depends on guy number 1's self-esteem. If he has none, he'll deal with being second fiddle (and she'll continue to fantasize about guy #2 until she ultimately gets with him again).

This girl is the epitome of everything that keeps getting discussed over and over. Wants to take things slowly with guy 1, but immediately has sex with guy 2 and guy 3.

Same scenario, different woman, over and over and over. If guy 1 has brains, he will run.

op is trying to justify her slutty was by being around a guy she wants to go slow with.

she is a doormat and likes that. if she wanted a guy like #1 she woudl have stuck with him and not put out with the ass hole guys.

I'm a guy who posts somewhat frequently.

Men are not just as likely to come here seeking relationship advice. But those who do and once the truth comes out, if their behavior is outrageous or disrespectful, they get hammered. Admittedly there are some women who just hammer away at men regardless - like some men do to women on certain topics.

But wrt to the passages you quoted - what exactly is offense with what people posted as response (apart from a couple of over-the-top/nasty remarks)? If you spend enough time here, you do see this scenario get played out over and over again.

Yeah, if a man does something outrageous and disrespectful, like cheating on his wife, or leaving his pregnant wife, he will get hammered. But no one would give him a hard time if he came and posted the OP's scenario. People would just say, "That sucks she saw you out with another girl, dude. But if you didn't make any promises to her you didn't do anything wrong. Hopefully she'll get over it, but if not, then her loss"

[Anonymous]