I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all. I could use some advice.

I’m 28 and single but want to settle down. I had a dry spell in the dating world until about a couple of months ago when I met three guys (great! – or so I thought) at about the same time. They all asked me out and I said yes.

Guy 1 is a real gentleman and we have great chemistry. We’ve gone out a lot and I really like him a lot. I can definitely see us “long term.”

Guy 2 is more kinda like a jock. He’s pretty gregarious and knows what he wants. We “did it” soon after we met. When we get together it’s fireworks but only in one way…

Guy 3 was also extraverted but I regretted “being with” him and he never called back which was a good thing.

Well, last Friday I was out with Guy 2 at a lounge restaurant place. We were kind of tipsy and laughing when in walks Guy 1 with a bunch of his buddies. He saw me and I think his face looked surprised. He gave me a tight smile and nodded but didn’t come over. At that point I realized that I really would have preferred being there with Guy 1 and not Guy 2.

I kept looking in his direction but he never looked my way. At some point I think he went to the men's room but I didn’t see him come back.

I got a text from Guy 1 Saturday morning that he had to cancel our date that night because he said (but I don’t believe him) he had to work. I said OK, how about Monday? He said OK and I’m going to see him in a bit so I’m wondering what he’s going to ask and how I should handle things delicately, assuming he brings up last Friday at all.

A ha - the guy with LT potential doesn't get laid but the cocky jock does. Case closed.

+1 I know, I hate women like that.
I'm guessing that Guy 1 thought they were exclusive. If he dumps her, I hope she learned her lesson.

-DW who would never have dated the Jock, let alone sleep with him. Chances are much higher that he has STDs than Guy 1.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what OP did wrong or what "lesson" she should learn?

I don't date multiple people at a time, but lots of people do, and if you haven't had a conversation about exclusivity, you can't have a reasonable expectation that they're only dating you.

Maybe the guy will learn his "lesson," and next time he's dating someone he wants to be with exclusively, he'll ask her.

[Anonymous]

He will think that you are flighty, not ready to date, or possibly worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will think that you are flighty, not ready to date, or possibly worse.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of and exactly what I don't want.

I just don't want to hurt his feelings

[Anonymous]

OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

Doesn't matter if she "did nothing wrong." OP if he saw the two of you before you saw him he definitely picked up on the chemistry you have w the asshole. If he doesn't get the same vibe when you are w him he is understandably going to move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

Did she say they weren't exclusive? I didn't see that posted anywhere. Maybe there was an assumption on his part, which means he should have been clear.

OP, Be honest with him. If he asks if you slept with #2, don't lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

Did she say they weren't exclusive? I didn't see that posted anywhere. Maybe there was an assumption on his part, which means he should have been clear.

OP, Be honest with him. If he asks if you slept with #2, don't lie.

No, we never said we're exclusive but I'm pretty sure he thought we were. And I don't want to lie but I also don't want to tell him I slept with the other guy especially since we haven't done it yet. Really a delicate situation and I don't want to make things worse than they are

[Anonymous]

I mean... if he thought you were exclusive then that's kinda on him to make that assumption without an explicit committment.

It's awkward that he saw you on a date with another guy, but it would be really tacky for him to ask if you slept with #2. I would just say that you were on a date with #2 but have since realized you're not compatible with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP give us an update. You aren't exclusive therefore you did nothing wrong.

Did she say they weren't exclusive? I didn't see that posted anywhere. Maybe there was an assumption on his part, which means he should have been clear.

OP, Be honest with him. If he asks if you slept with #2, don't lie.

No, we never said we're exclusive but I'm pretty sure he thought we were. And I don't want to lie but I also don't want to tell him I slept with the other guy especially since we haven't done it yet. Really a delicate situation and I don't want to make things worse than they are

OP, if you really liked the guy you should have dropped your fwb. You are for sure that you don't care about guy 2. Let him go and be up front with the guy you want. Honesty is the best policy. If your he let's you go. Then nothing you can do. Just don't repeat this again.

[Anonymous]

If he would think less of you for having dinner with a man as a single woman, then he's got problems and he's not the guy for you.

[Anonymous]

Well, knowing the situation I think less of you.

Multi-dating means not sleeping with everyone is means dating multiple people.

You sound and act like total trash.

[Anonymous]

Say this: "Guy 1, it's like this. I like pie. I really like apple pie. It's my favorite. But I don't like nothing but apple pie. Sometimes I want some cherry pie, or pecan pie. But apple will aways be my favorite, the one I'll always return to."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he would think less of you for having dinner with a man as a single woman, then he's got problems and he's not the guy for you.

I would imagine he saw her demeanor w this fwb and it is totally different from what she displays around him. Doesn't mean he has any problems, it's just he's had an eye opener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he would think less of you for having dinner with a man as a single woman, then he's got problems and he's not the guy for you.

I would imagine he saw her demeanor w this fwb and it is totally different from what she displays around him. Doesn't mean he has any problems, it's just he's had an eye opener.

She said they were tipsy but didn't say anything about how affectionate they were being. If she was making with Guy #2 hardcore and Guy #1 hasn't even gotten a peck, then yeah, he might have some concerns.