I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

Very well-thought out and nicely written. Be careful. You will anger the women who say it's within their right to be a porn queen to the guy where there's no future, and a prim-and-proper prude for the guy they do like. All the while, the LTR guy will be called selfish for wanting anything crazy and guy #2 will still be lingering somewhere for when she wants to get crazy. Don't take those rights away from those women now. LOL.

[Anonymous]

The best indicator of how a guy might be in bed is his ability to be aware of how a woman feels. Talking at women is the opposite of being aware.

Just a little tip for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

I'm wondering if OP created the sense of exclusivity in guy 1 to foster that relationship but allowed herself the "hall pass" with guy 2 by not having the actual "exclusive talk". Kind of having her cake and eating it, too. It's for that reason I think she was so panicked when guy 1 saw her and guy 2; she knew that guy 1assumed they were exclusive. And no, I'm not a detective, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn't actually exist. This is a fairy tale. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have prompted her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

I'm wondering if OP created the sense of exclusivity in guy 1 to foster that relationship but allowed herself the "hall pass" with guy 2 by not having the actual "exclusive talk". Kind of having her cake and eating it, too. It's for that reason I think she was so panicked when guy 1 saw her and guy 2; she knew that guy 1assumed they were exclusive. And no, I'm not a detective, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You act like Guy 1 had no agency in the matter. If he wanted an exclusive relationship with OP, he was perfectly capable of speaking up and asking her if she would be onboard with that, instead of just making the assumption that she was spending all of her time they weren't together sitting around waiting for him to call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have promptded her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

I'm wondering if OP created the sense of exclusivity in guy 1 to foster that relationship but allowed herself the "hall pass" with guy 2 by not having the actual "exclusive talk". Kind of having her cake and eating it, too. It's for that reason I think she was so panicked when guy 1 saw her and guy 2; she knew that guy 1assumed they were exclusive. And no, I'm not a detective, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You act like Guy 1 had no agency in the matter. If he wanted an exclusive relationship with OP, he was perfectly capable of speaking up and asking her if she would be onboard with that, instead of just making the assumption that she was spending all of her time they weren't together sitting around waiting for him to call.

That's easy to say from the outside and/or in retrospect. But IF she manipulated him, then I'm sorry, you can't absolve her of responsibility for screwing up her potential LTR with guy 1. What if she talked about their future together? Isn't that a priori a statement of exclusivity? I'm just saying that it's very easy to lead someone down a certain path without ever telling them they're on the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have promptded her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

I'm wondering if OP created the sense of exclusivity in guy 1 to foster that relationship but allowed herself the "hall pass" with guy 2 by not having the actual "exclusive talk". Kind of having her cake and eating it, too. It's for that reason I think she was so panicked when guy 1 saw her and guy 2; she knew that guy 1assumed they were exclusive. And no, I'm not a detective, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You act like Guy 1 had no agency in the matter. If he wanted an exclusive relationship with OP, he was perfectly capable of speaking up and asking her if she would be onboard with that, instead of just making the assumption that she was spending all of her time they weren't together sitting around waiting for him to call.

That's easy to say from the outside and/or in retrospect. But IF she manipulated him, then I'm sorry, you can't absolve her of responsibility for screwing up her potential LTR with guy 1. What if she talked about their future together? Isn't that a priori a statement of exclusivity? I'm just saying that it's very easy to lead someone down a certain path without ever telling them they're on the path.

Well, sure... if she were acting like his girlfriend, talking about trips they'd take together months from now, introducing him to her family... then he would certainly be right to feel led on when he found out she was seeing other men. But, I didn't get anything from OP's post that she was doing that, just that they had been going on dates. Going on dates isn't leading someone on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I'm saying is what women do and what they say are not generally in sync.

For instance, what's the "next level" with guy 1? Physical intimacy? Because if that's a yes, then guy 2 and guy 3 already had a taste of "next level" before the guy you supposedly like.

Now, you can deny till the end of time to guy 1 any of this stuff, should you two become exclusive, but you will know (and we will know, arbitrarily and anecdotally) that you are not truthful with him. Any time he brings up a story to another male, friend or boy growing up, that women fuck guys arbitrarily but hold out for the ones they like, you best stay quiet and not argue that as a lie.

OP makes women look bad and reinforces the stereotype that A$$holes get laid while nice guys don't. My DH has even said to me that some women LIKE to be mistreated because they hook up with the jerks and keep them around.

Frankly, I would never have done what OP did. Nothing wrong with dating several men IF you are non exclusive. HOWEVER, when she slept with #2, that should have promptded her to be exclusive with him or let the other two know she was more "serious" about #2. If Serious does NOT equal sex (to OP), then why not sleep with #1? OP admits that #2's only good in bed, he is lacking in other areas, (where #1 excels) so WHY keep seeing him? Why not just dump #2 and have sex with #1?

#1 could be spectacular in bed or he could be okay. She doesn't know because she never gave him a chance. And really, bedroom skills can be learned, so she really screwed up. I don't care if it's a male or a female. I would say the same thing: OP should have
-dumped the other guys after sleeping with #2
-waited to sleep with him (since she says she was looking to settle down.)
-Slept with #1 to see if they were compatible instead of making him wait.

If #1 asks, she needs to be truthful that she slept with #2, which will reinforce the stupid stereotype about A$$holes getting laid. I'm sure he will ask.

I'm also betting that she is much more conservative with #1 than #2, which is why he appeared shocked when he saw her with someone else. He probably thought they were heading somewhere and was surprised to see her with someone else. Nothing wrong with dating. Something wrong with her sleeping with #2 while getting "serious" with #1.

I'm wondering if OP created the sense of exclusivity in guy 1 to foster that relationship but allowed herself the "hall pass" with guy 2 by not having the actual "exclusive talk". Kind of having her cake and eating it, too. It's for that reason I think she was so panicked when guy 1 saw her and guy 2; she knew that guy 1assumed they were exclusive. And no, I'm not a detective, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

You act like Guy 1 had no agency in the matter. If he wanted an exclusive relationship with OP, he was perfectly capable of speaking up and asking her if she would be onboard with that, instead of just making the assumption that she was spending all of her time they weren't together sitting around waiting for him to call.

That's easy to say from the outside and/or in retrospect. But IF she manipulated him, then I'm sorry, you can't absolve her of responsibility for screwing up her potential LTR with guy 1. What if she talked about their future together? Isn't that a priori a statement of exclusivity? I'm just saying that it's very easy to lead someone down a certain path without ever telling them they're on the path.

Well, sure... if she were acting like his girlfriend, talking about trips they'd take together months from now, introducing him to her family... then he would certainly be right to feel led on when he found out she was seeing other men. But, I didn't get anything from OP's post that she was doing that, just that they had been going on dates. Going on dates isn't leading someone on.

The OP uses phrases like "...gone out a lot...", "...great chemistry...", "...long term potential....". That suggests to me that, at least internally, she wanted this guy to be exclusive to her; based on what she wrote, do you feel she would be ok if she found out guy 1 was having sex with other women?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, maybe she'll come back and tell us.

[Anonymous]

Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

[Anonymous]

OP's only "mistake" was being spotted on a date by someone she was also dating, and actually preferred. I would have called him up and said, "Guy 1, I kept wishing I was there with you instead of on that stupid date." Let him know how much I enjoy spending time with him and that I'd be happy to date exclusively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

Because for the umpteenth time, women can have sex whenever they want while straight men cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

Because for the umpteenth time, women can have sex whenever they want while straight men cannot.

Then who are these women having sex with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if op is a troll, this situation is the norm. Once society crossed the line and said sex before marriage was fine, all bets are off. Everyone now just judges everyone else. They slut shame people or freak out if people come on too strong and want a serious relationship. If OP had ditched guy 2 and 3 right away then guy 1 would have gotten the vibe that OP wanted a serious relationship too fast. Dating is such a game to people and everyone judges. But the stakes are high because you are looking for a lifetime partner someone you will have children and grandchildren with. Who cares who she dates. No one wins until they find the person they will stick with.

+1 ... and the choices that women make in their love/sex lives are held up to much closer scruitiny and judgement than the choices of men.

Because for the umpteenth time, women can have sex whenever they want while straight men cannot.

Then who are these women having sex with?

20% of men.