DD is extremely disappointed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

But the thing is, it isn't just about disappointment, it is also about betrayal. Imagine being a teenager and going through all these steps to get into a private school, and having your parents talk it up and encourage you, and when you finally get in (a BIG deal) your parents say...actually just kidding. We can't afford it and never really bothered to open the books to see if we could. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. At least there is public. Major betrayal in the eyes of a teenager.

^^Oh, please get over yourself! This teen took a standardized test (one of many she will have to take in her life) and wrote an essay again one of many, visited a school and had a half hour conversation with some people she does not know and will never meet again. Such a tragedy! OP, sometimes things just do not work out financially. many families initially think that they can afford private, but there are many issues.
One is the 5-7% rise in tuition each year. Another is that if you cannot clearly afford it, you are thinking of taking from retirement funds, college funds and so on. It is never a good thing to live beyond your means. It is sad, but you are not alone. I know it is heartbreaking, but not nearly as heartbreaking as being broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I am truly sorry this has happened to your family. I can only tell you that you've created a bit of a 'what if' situation here and there's no easy way out -- if she doesn't accept the offer, you and she will wonder 'what if' along almost every way (college admissions, grades, learning opportunities, etc.). If she goes and you make what will clearly be hard sacrifices, you and she and the rest of your family will bear a kind of resentment because of the things you won't be able to have due to the cost.

Having said that;
You're not a terrible person, but you also are clearly not fully in touch with what an independent school will cost (and it only gets worse -- there are a lot of hidden costs, etc.). If you are not prepared for this kind of sticker shock I don't think you'll find those other costs any easier to bear. Tell her -- PROMISE HER -- that you will work with her to set aside a certain amount of what you would have spent on tuition so that when it comes to colleges, you and she will have a little more breathing room (I am assuming you will be assisting with tuition -- perhaps not, and I would understand, for not everyone can do so).

She has learned from this. So have you. I am sorry it comes at such a cost.

Good luck.

Really, she is 12 years old. She will get over it. Geez.

[Anonymous]

I think it is one thing if mom or dad loses her or his job and private is no longer an option. But it is a while different ball game for the parents to make her go through the whole dog and pony show when they never could afford it in the first place. Very poor planning and kind of mean on their part. And how can you not realize you cannot afford it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is one thing if mom or dad loses her or his job and private is no longer an option. But it is a while different ball game for the parents to make her go through the whole dog and pony show when they never could afford it in the first place. Very poor planning and kind of mean on their part. And how can you not realize you cannot afford it?

What dog and pony show? Private applications are harder for the parents than the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe posters are giving OP slack. Parents are supposed to protect their children from disappointment. Not put them in situations that are not only hugely disappointing but involve hours and hours of work. I'm sorry but this is one instance where I cannot give this parent an ounce of empathy. She screwed over her daughter in the most egregious way, and comes back all huffy at anyone who calls her one it. (Geez? Yes, geez.)

In a nutshell you have captured much of what is wrong with this country. A little disappointment builds character, makes you hungrier, work harder, helps you to learn to deal with adversity. I am sure OP regrets what happened but you people and your judgment really need to give it a rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting aid? I'm unclear why you applied?

We never applied for financial aid. I don't think we would have qualified (i.e. lot of equity, savings stocks etc)

Initially I was looking at other options outside of public school. We thought we could afford it. However, as we starting adding up all our expenses it seems we can do it but we will be very tight financially.

Sorry OP, why didn't you go through your finances before making your daughter go through all the motions to get accepted???? I don't get it. I'm sure you know a ball park figure of how much school was going to cost $12k or $30k.

Your daughter has a right to be upset, she worked hard and you set her up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

But the thing is, it isn't just about disappointment, it is also about betrayal. Imagine being a teenager and going through all these steps to get into a private school, and having your parents talk it up and encourage you, and when you finally get in (a BIG deal) your parents say...actually just kidding. We can't afford it and never really bothered to open the books to see if we could. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. At least there is public. Major betrayal in the eyes of a teenager.

^^Oh, please get over yourself! This teen took a standardized test (one of many she will have to take in her life) and wrote an essay again one of many, visited a school and had a half hour conversation with some people she does not know and will never meet again. Such a tragedy! OP, sometimes things just do not work out financially. many families initially think that they can afford private, but there are many issues.
One is the 5-7% rise in tuition each year. Another is that if you cannot clearly afford it, you are thinking of taking from retirement funds, college funds and so on. It is never a good thing to live beyond your means. It is sad, but you are not alone. I know it is heartbreaking, but not nearly as heartbreaking as being broke.

As an adult, that's our view because we have so much going on in our lives. But to a 12 yr old? It is a big deal. Kids are not adults and we can't expect them to approach and process situations in the same exact way. She probably told her friends about going to a different school, etc. This kind of thing is a big deal to a 12 yr old but not to an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disney World, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disney World burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disney World, but it was getting pretty late.

I think I love you....

This is from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. (SNL)

Not cool to post without attribution, PP.

I disagree. I think it would have been much less funny with the attribution.

[Anonymous]

OP here, children are a lot more resilient then you give them credit for. She is 12 years old! She doesn't have a clear reason to want to go to private school. She has only visited the school once.

While speaking to her last night, she told me she heard from the kids at her school that her public school was a "BAD" school and THAT is the reason she does not want to go there. This is complete untrue. Her school is one of the best schools.

So you see posters, 12 years olds don't really know what is best for them after all. They base their opinions on what they 6th grade friends tell them.

She woke up this morning in good spirits. Hugged and kissed me and is now playing with her siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

But the thing is, it isn't just about disappointment, it is also about betrayal. Imagine being a teenager and going through all these steps to get into a private school, and having your parents talk it up and encourage you, and when you finally get in (a BIG deal) your parents say...actually just kidding. We can't afford it and never really bothered to open the books to see if we could. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. At least there is public. Major betrayal in the eyes of a teenager.

^^Oh, please get over yourself! This teen took a standardized test (one of many she will have to take in her life) and wrote an essay again one of many, visited a school and had a half hour conversation with some people she does not know and will never meet again. Such a tragedy! OP, sometimes things just do not work out financially. many families initially think that they can afford private, but there are many issues.
One is the 5-7% rise in tuition each year. Another is that if you cannot clearly afford it, you are thinking of taking from retirement funds, college funds and so on. It is never a good thing to live beyond your means. It is sad, but you are not alone. I know it is heartbreaking, but not nearly as heartbreaking as being broke.

As an adult, that's our view because we have so much going on in our lives. But to a 12 yr old? It is a big deal. Kids are not adults and we can't expect them to approach and process situations in the same exact way. She probably told her friends about going to a different school, etc. This kind of thing is a big deal to a 12 yr old but not to an adult.

I hope your snowflake never has to face any disappointments in life. Wait, isn't that called entitled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were not thinking of accepting, then yes, encouraging your daughter to hope was unnecessarily cruel. There are other ways of improving her essays, interviews, and SSAT.

I agree. Children are sensitive. I'm all for "bucking up" but I would never allow my child to dream about a new adventure and then not follow through. You should have looked at your finances from the start. This is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are a lot more resilient then you give them credit for. She is 12 years old! She doesn't have a clear reason to want to go to private school. She has only visited the school once.

While speaking to her last night, she told me she heard from the kids at her school that her public school was a "BAD" school and THAT is the reason she does not want to go there. This is complete untrue. Her school is one of the best schools.

So you see posters, 12 years olds don't really know what is best for them after all. They base their opinions on what they 6th grade friends tell them.

She woke up this morning in good spirits. Hugged and kissed me and is now playing with her siblings.

Great! Now you don't have to feel guilty about your irresponsible behavior. Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is one thing if mom or dad loses her or his job and private is no longer an option. But it is a while different ball game for the parents to make her go through the whole dog and pony show when they never could afford it in the first place. Very poor planning and kind of mean on their part. And how can you not realize you cannot afford it?

What dog and pony show? Private applications are harder for the parents than the kids.

Maybe for you. We don't get that wrapped up in it. But the children definitely care which school they will attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are a lot more resilient then you give them credit for. She is 12 years old! She doesn't have a clear reason to want to go to private school. She has only visited the school once.

While speaking to her last night, she told me she heard from the kids at her school that her public school was a "BAD" school and THAT is the reason she does not want to go there. This is complete untrue. Her school is one of the best schools.

So you see posters, 12 years olds don't really know what is best for them after all. They base their opinions on what they 6th grade friends tell them.

She woke up this morning in good spirits. Hugged and kissed me and is now playing with her siblings.

Great! Now you don't have to feel guilty about your irresponsible behavior. Kudos!

No I felt guilty. But do you really expect me to go my entire life feeling bad about my poor handling of this matter. No I won't! She will get over it, kids bounce back quickly. Hiccups are a reality and clearly she had the wrong reason for wanting to go private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are a lot more resilient then you give them credit for. She is 12 years old! She doesn't have a clear reason to want to go to private school. She has only visited the school once.

While speaking to her last night, she told me she heard from the kids at her school that her public school was a "BAD" school and THAT is the reason she does not want to go there. This is complete untrue. Her school is one of the best schools.

So you see posters, 12 years olds don't really know what is best for them after all. They base their opinions on what they 6th grade friends tell them.

She woke up this morning in good spirits. Hugged and kissed me and is now playing with her siblings.

Great! Now you don't have to feel guilty about your irresponsible behavior. Kudos!

No I felt guilty. But do you really expect me to go my entire life feeling bad about my poor handling of this matter. No I won't! She will get over it, kids bounce back quickly. Hiccups are a reality and clearly she had the wrong reason for wanting to go private.

So you only applied to the private because she requested it? Not because you also felt like it was a good option for her?