DD is extremely disappointed

[Anonymous]

She got accepted to our first choice private school but given our financial situation we are declining. We decided to keep her in public school, in a very good school district for middle school.
She has been crying and feels that she did all that hard work (practicing for SSAT, writing out essays, interviews etc) for nothing. I told her to think of it as a learning experience and that the more she does it the better prepared she will be for the future.

I can't help but feel bad for making her go through all this. I kind of wish I never put the thought of her attending a private school in her head. I regret going through the process and causing her this kind of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Were you expecting aid? I'm unclear why you applied?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Did something change with your finances between the start of the application, or did you go into it knowing you couldn't afford it?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. A hard situation for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Harder on the daughter.

[Anonymous]

It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting aid? I'm unclear why you applied?

We never applied for financial aid. I don't think we would have qualified (i.e. lot of equity, savings stocks etc)

Initially I was looking at other options outside of public school. We thought we could afford it. However, as we starting adding up all our expenses it seems we can do it but we will be very tight financially.

[Anonymous]

If you were not thinking of accepting, then yes, encouraging your daughter to hope was unnecessarily cruel. There are other ways of improving her essays, interviews, and SSAT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting aid? I'm unclear why you applied?

Agree with this. Did you really look into it and honestly think you'd be getting enough aid to afford it? Or did you just cross your fingers, assume you'd be getting aid, and hope for the best?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Did something change with your finances between the start of the application, or did you go into it knowing you couldn't afford it?

I basically went into it thinking we could afford it. But later realized we have too many expenses and we don't want to take out any loans to pay for private school (like some people do).

[Anonymous]

Wow you're an asshole OP. You should have done all of that BEFORE you made your daughter do all the work/get her hopes up. You owe her big time.

[Anonymous]

Did you get turned down for financial aid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were not thinking of accepting, then yes, encouraging your daughter to hope was unnecessarily cruel. There are other ways of improving her essays, interviews, and SSAT.

Of course we were thinking about accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were not thinking of accepting, then yes, encouraging your daughter to hope was unnecessarily cruel. There are other ways of improving her essays, interviews, and SSAT.

Of course we were thinking about accepting.

But you did zero thinking into if attending was a reality or not. I hope you've apologized to your daughter for me messing up. I feel so bad for her.