DD is extremely disappointed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow you're an asshole OP. You should have done all of that BEFORE you made your daughter do all the work/get her hopes up. You owe her big time.

Jee thanks! But you are right, we should have really looked into it further. We thought we could just swing it.

[Anonymous]

PP again - really, OP, that's all wrong. You might have done your homework correctly before pushing your daughter to do hers (which she did it better than you!).

You owe her: can you offer her a year-long class/activity of something she loves to do?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP but this is just terrible! You owe your daughter the biggest apology. And you write that you "kind of wish" you didn't put her through this? You were the catalyst here, and you didn't run the numbers before you gave her false hope and made her work really hard? I'm sorry but this is one of the most stunning posts I've seen on DCUM ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Did something change with your finances between the start of the application, or did you go into it knowing you couldn't afford it?

I basically went into it thinking we could afford it. But later realized we have too many expenses and we don't want to take out any loans to pay for private school (like some people do).

I don't know if it's too late for you if you want to reconsider but I ran into a short term financial crisis and had to choose between the tuition or the other issue. Our school offers a company where you can get a loan, and the interest payments are very low (3.9%). I think most of the privates use this company. Maybe this might help buy a little time while you resolve your other financial issues. It most certainly helped for me.

https://secure.yourtuitionsolution.com/

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat except thought we would get more aid. We need about 10K more to make it work :/... OP I feel your pain.

[Anonymous]

Many people do not take out loans to pay for private school, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP but this is just terrible! You owe your daughter the biggest apology. And you write that you "kind of wish" you didn't put her through this? You were the catalyst here, and you didn't run the numbers before you gave her false hope and made her work really hard? I'm sorry but this is one of the most stunning posts I've seen on DCUM ever.

Same here. I'm sure the girl is feeling disappointed but also betrayed by her parents. I'm trying to think what I would have done when I was applying to colleges (not exactly the same but close) and my parents encouraged me to strive to get into these great schools, and when I got into one I was told, sorry we actually can't afford it. Guess we didn't do our homework before hand to make sure we could. Oh well, state school it is. Betrayal, losing my trust in my parents, being pissed, so many emotions come to mind. I hope you have already said you're sorry (without the guilt trip of "I feel so bad, etc" added in).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat except thought we would get more aid. We need about 10K more to make it work :/... OP I feel your pain.

That is very different and much more understandable in your situation. OP didn't even bother to apply for aid OR do her homework to see if they could afford it. You just got screwed over P and i hope things work out for you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

What an awful thing to do to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

OP,
I don't think you grasp the magnitude of this betrayal. I hope you can rebuild your relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

But the thing is, it isn't just about disappointment, it is also about betrayal. Imagine being a teenager and going through all these steps to get into a private school, and having your parents talk it up and encourage you, and when you finally get in (a BIG deal) your parents say...actually just kidding. We can't afford it and never really bothered to open the books to see if we could. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. At least there is public. Major betrayal in the eyes of a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Ok I get it, I am terrible! I already know that. Jeez!

She cried for a bit, was upset. She has stopped now and is talking to me. We are quite close. She knows I am always there for her. I typically give her everything she needs and wants. She knows this!

Yes, I owe her big time. I am sure there is something I can give her to compensate as a couple posters mentioned, she is 12 years old after all.

I haven't formally declined the offer yet. We can do it, just money will be tight for us. I haven't dismissed the idea completely.

[Anonymous]

OP,

See if there's FA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is really okay for kids to be disappointed and sad. Normal and appropriate emotions for the situation. Help her learn how to cope with these feelings. Validate how she feels and help her move forward.

This was probably the first real disappointment she has ever felt. I understand her disappointment completely.

Absolutely - it is what it is. And it is okay for her to be disappointed. You didn't set out to hurt her and don't let your guilt make you do things to buy back her happiness. Circumstances happen. Adversity is what makes us stronger. It will help her deal with future disappointments when she realizes she can still have a great life and be as successful as she wants to be, even if not in the school she wanted.

OP here. thank you for this. It was nice to hear and you are right. Just like the ones saying I am terrible are right too