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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
if you stay at home with kids (mom or dad), is cleaning one of your "jobs"?
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Anonymous
| I WOH but I end up with lots of the housecleaning and cooking responsibilities just by virtue of the fact that I get home much earlier than DH (go into work super early and work closer) and because my standards are higher than his. I just have one kid but one thing that helps is having DH do bathtime while I clean up dinner dishes, wipe counters, sweep/mop etc. I also think a half an hour of TV during dinner prep is key if whatever you are doing is not conducive to "kid help." It's also helpful to incorporate kid play into the area where you are cleaning. Ex- bring some toys into your bedroom while you fold the laundry so you can supervise and "sort of" play with the kids and get something done (in twice the normal time, but it still does get done this way, eventually....) |
Anonymous
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OK, you all seem to be making this out to be way harder than it is. If welfare moms in the outer neighborhoods of DC can raise 4 kids on hardly any income, make a good home for them, and perform all of the duties up to and above par, and raise well adjusted children.
then why can't a bunch of priveledged rich broads with their 4200sq foot homes, and once a month maids handle raising 2 kids and a dog? what a bunch of whiney entitled dooshbags. It's not hard what you're doing, and if you say otherwise, you're full of shit. |
Anonymous
Of course your house is clean, nobody is in it all day long! |
Anonymous
You're the douchebag that can't spell your own insult. |
Anonymous
You misspelled "douchebags". If you're going to insult people, at least try to sound like you know how. |
Anonymous
it was done deliberately....shouldn't you be making dinner or something? |
Anonymous
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The PP who said kids are CONSTANT/CONTINOUS mess making creatures nailed it. It's not like you clean the bedroom and it stays clean, unless you lock it up and ban anyone from going inside. So I don't know if you have much recourse outside of following them all over the house with bottle of lysol and a napkin. Or go with the idea of tidying up 20 minutes before DH gets home.
My siblings and I did this when we were younger and my parents went to work. 20 minutes before my Mom, who hates clutter, got home from work, we would all chip in and clean up. |
Anonymous
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"OK, you all seem to be making this out to be way harder than it is. If welfare moms in the outer neighborhoods of DC can raise 4 kids on hardly any income, make a good home for them, and perform all of the duties up to and above par, and raise well adjusted children.
then why can't a bunch of priveledged rich broads with their 4200sq foot homes, and once a month maids handle raising 2 kids and a dog? " 1. Whipped husbands. 2. High IQs. 3. Ivy educations. |
Anonymous
| big surprise that half this forum gets all uppedy about the spelling of douche. I guess when it's a staple in your home it becomes a near and dear part of your life. |
Anonymous
Yep. When WOHMs say how clean they keep their house, they are conveniently forgetting their kids are in daycare all day, and not around to make 1/2 the mess kids of SAHMs are. I'm not defending OP, who does sound like she and her DH need to get on the same page in terms of housekeeping, but it kind of burns me when I read stuff like this. My kids are home making messes most of the day. The messes of kids whose parents work are mostly contained to daycare. |
Anonymous
I am doing my part-- the child care that would otherwise be outsourced. We did not choose to have me stay so I could be my husband's personal servant; I stayed at home because that is the kind of child care we both preferred. |
Anonymous
exactly, I am however assuming that you mean the husbands have ivy educations, because no well educated woman would sit around the house all day whining about how hard it is to clean. |
Anonymous
| This is yet another thread that makes me very happy not to know any of you in real life. |
Anonymous
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OP, your husband isn't treating you with respect, which is a huge problem.
If he's upset because clean folded laundry didn't get placed into the dressers before dinner, that's really ridiculous. You say you are a bit disorganized and inefficient, so it sounds like you agree somewhat that things could improve. But he shouldn't bring it up in such a manner. Some practical suggestions: 1) obviously, try to do what chores you do agree are "yours" more efficiently. And get less distracted. If you let the kids run the show, you will constantly be running around after them. For example, if you bring up the folded laundry and find the kids awake, practice telling them, "We'll go downstairs in a minute, but first I need to finish this task!" Train yourself to let them interrupt you less. That will help you get less distracted and bring more tasks to completion. 2) When I was a SAHM, I found a mother's helper in the fater school hours to be invaluable. I had a bunch of 11-14 year old neighbor girls who were willing to come by and play with one or both of the kids for just an hour. Say from 4-5 PM. They are worth their weight in gold. And I don't see why you should ask your husband if he thinks this is a good idea. Just tell him it is what you are doing. Nature didn't mean for a parent to be the only older person children hung around all day. Having some young teens and tweens for them to play with (under your supervision) is great for building up possible future babysitters. And if you know your kids are happily playing, it makes it much easier to turn to the late afternoon chores including dinner and clean up with a good conscience. 3) When I was a SAHM, my husband and I had a respectful conversation, where I told him that I saw my job at home being keeping the daily household going (laundry, groceries, basic cleaning, etc.) as well as of course raising the children BUT that when he came home from work, he needed to realize that he and I both had been working all day. I would try as best I could to complete the basics each day before close of business so to speak, so we both could rest. BUT if important stuff didn't get done, then we BOTH needed to keep working until it all was done. So one got to rest until both of us got to rest. So I had dinner prepared but he needed to do his share of cleaning up after. And we both needed to do our share of putting the kids to bed, taking out the trash and recycling. I did try very much to get groceries and laundry done during the week, but if one of us was doing the laundry on the weekend, then both of us had to be doing the laundry. |
Anonymous
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Please go read this thread, then re-think your question. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/183598.page Look, it's hard to judge OP, because everyone's definition of "clean" vs. "cluttered" vs. "filthy and unlivable" is a bit different. She seems to agree that she could use some work, so she probably could. But the idea that watching a four-year-old and a one-year-old isn't a time-consuming activity is just silly. If she never did anything at all, she would still have most of her day filled. The real issue is that she needs to learn to multi-task (supervise kids playing AND do laundry) not that she isn't currently doing anything, just that she could fit more tasks into that same amount of time. For those who say that the kids "should" be able to entertain themselves: Bullshit. The 4-year-old should be able to play independently, but a one-year-old needs supervision. In some families, the older sibling would be able to keep the one-year-old occupied, but we don't know enough about the layout of their house, their sibling dynamic, the maturity level of this particular four-year-old, etc. to really be able to comment. Now that said, OP you should be able to set the preschooler up with an activity and get the one-year-old involved with "helping" and get a lot done. My daily routine (with 2 1/2 yo twins) is: Get up before kids and work out, shower, makeup, etc. I also prep snacks and breakfast for the day and unload the dishwasher. I get the kids up and get them completely ready (hair brushed, teeth brushed, dressed, shoes, sunscreen/bug spray, the works). We go downstairs and put in a load of laundry (sometimes mine, sometimes theirs, towels/sheets/whatever, but we do a load daily). We go in the kitchen and eat breakfast. The kids load their plastic dishes into the dishwasher while I rinse all the breakfast dishes and wipe the table/counters. We leave on an outing for the morning. We get back and we get their shoes and socks off and put away, then they use the bathroom and get pull-ups on for naptime. They play for a few minutes in the kitchen while I put lunch on the table, then we eat and head straight in for naptime. Once they are down, I rotate the load of laundry from that morning into the dryer. Then I come back to the kitchen and clean up from lunch, then do dinner prep. I look for recipes that can be prepped in advance and then put in the oven 30 minutes before. I put away the toys they played with in the kitchen, and relax for a bit until the dryer dings, then I fold and put it away if I have time. I also try to do one other housecleaning task during this time, for example, cleaning toilets/showers, dusting, vacuuming areas away from their bedroom, clean out the fridge/freezer, etc. When they get up, I get their pull-ups off and they use the bathroom again and get dressed. They play with toys while I finish folding/putting away laundry and maybe vacuum their rooms. If it's a load of their clothes, I fold it and they put it in their drawers. We play for about 30 minutes/an hour, depending on what time they got up and how much I had left to do somewhere in this time, I usually run into the kitchen to throw dinner in the oven. At the end of this time, they help to put all their toys and books away, then they take a bath. Around the end of bathtime, I turn off the oven and leave the door open. They run around naked for a few minutes while I wipe down the tub and counters to keep their bathroom clean, then we get their pjs on, hair brushed, etc. They come in the kitchen with me and set their plastic cups on the table, along with all the forks and knives. While they do that, I dish up dinner for everyone so we're all ready to eat when DP comes home. Then we read stories until dinner. After dinner, DP and kids go play in the playroom while I clear the table, wipe the counters, and put dishes in the dishwasher. They usually watch about 30 minutes of tv during this time. I come in and they use the restroom and get pull-ups on for bedtime, then we brush teeth and we all read stories together (DP too) until bedtime, when we tuck them in and leave. I try to do one more housecleaning thing (vacuum something, dust something, whatever after they are in bed, and then I'm done for the day at 8 pm. I am usually asleep by 10 so I can be up in time to work out. There are a few things that ar DP's "job" (I never take the trash out, and his laundry is his responsibility, for example) but I manage to get most of it done, and we work together to get kids down in the evening, so I feel like we're pretty even. |