Forum Index
»
Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
if you stay at home with kids (mom or dad), is cleaning one of your "jobs"?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I am a SAHM as well and I agree with your DH, in everything except he should help out with cleaning on the weekend.
Your 4.5 year old if they are not already doing so, is old enough to put toys away, put clothes in the hamper, etc. |
Anonymous
|
"My wife is currently a SAHM with a 10 and 14 year old. The last couple of years when she homeschooled, I had to have someone come in and clean 3 times a week. It was asking too much of her. Now that they're back in school, she does the cleaning buy may have someone come in one day every other week. "
Why? Is your DW disabled? Is there some reason the 10 and 14 year olds can't be assigned cleaning duties? |
Anonymous
|
OP, I think there are other issues at play here. Is he resentful of being the breadwinner maybe? I mean, if he wants a cleaner house that is one thing, but bringing up that other man's wife was a low blow and that is why I'm thinking it's something else. Is he stressed at work?
BTW if it makes you feel better, I'm a FT WOHM and my husband and I bicker about cleaning up after each other (he does A LOT around the house, and has higher standards for cleanliness, but I do more of the childcare stuff). It kinda goes with the territory of being married with young kids I think. I do think that you should cut yourself some slack in terms of entertaining the kids. Maybe your standards are too high there. I am very close with my mom and she was a great SAHM but she spent a lot of time cooking and cleaning and managing the house, we didn't do any of that playdate/classes etc. stuff that seems to fill full days of SAHMs I know and we were fine! Maybe just have the kids entertain themselves more. And if you don't want to spend that extra time cleaning than just spend it on you so at least you will feel more refreshed when DH brings up the state of the house 
|
Anonymous
|
"We are out of the house a lot, especially during summer, and I am with the kids, not sitting on my ass watching soaps in my nightgown. If you could expand on how taking kids to the pool and playing with other kids to build social skills is "pretentious" or "frivolous", I'd love to hear it! "
OP - you sound lazier and lazier with each post. Quit while you're ahead! |
Anonymous
|
OP again: I should clarify-I DO clean/straighten pretty much daily, and I do laundry, dishes etc, but I guess not to the standard that DH would like. I'll give you an example that DH cited: I'll do laundry, fold it, and then cart the basket upstairs while kids are asleep. Kids are then awake, and we leave to go do something, the clothes don't get put away, but they are clean and folded in a basket in our bedroom. DH will come home, see the basket, and get upset that I didn't put them all away (where I am thinking-take 10 minutes to put them away yourself if it bothers you!). Of course I would...but just didn't get to it at that second. I also cook dinner I would say 5 out of 7 nights, but sometimes I'd like a break as well. Lastly, I DO try to give DH as much time with the kids on the weekend as possible, but when they are napping, and I ask for some help taking out the trash, or folding laundry and he says no, I'm watching TV...that irks me.
But it sounds like perhaps I should try to do more... |
Anonymous
Not the PP, but if you have your kids so tightly scheduled that you don't have time or energy to do things that need to be done in your home, then you are overdoing it. Kids need downtime too. But when parents are unwilling to take responsibility for entertaining their own kids, they plug them in with nonstop classes, playdates, etc, so someone else will do the entertaining for them. Your comment about shortchanging your kids by making them amuse themselves makes you sound like one of those parents. |
Anonymous
|
"But it sounds like perhaps I should try to do more... "
Yeah, stay home. |
Anonymous
|
omg NO. You are taking care of the kids. My husband feels strongly (as do I) that you should be focusing on the kids nd not the house.
What an arse. If you both worked paid full time you'd both be coming home and cleaning at night. Why should this be any different because you're unpaid? I am totally with you. |
Anonymous
why should your kids, husband and husky have to live in filth, because you're lazy? How about instead of working on "social skills" you teach them "responsibility", and "work ethic". It's not like your husband is asking you to build the GB pyramids, he's asking you to pick up after yourself, and your kids. because i'm willing to bet that since you're the one home all day, that most of the mess is yours. |
Anonymous
|
Yes, you should clean. If you have a newborn, you get cut some slack. But it's part of the job. SAHM's who say it's a "job" - well, jobs have different requirements. People at an office don't just say, well, I ONLY do this, nothing else.
He's bringing home all the $, you should clean. Sorry if that's not feminist, but I believe it. |
Anonymous
|
"omg NO. You are taking care of the kids. My husband feels strongly (as do I) that you should be focusing on the kids nd not the house. "
Doing what that takes up the entire day? |
Anonymous
| My wife is a SAHM and had to go into repressed memory therapy due to the whole ABC cancelling All My Children fiasco. Through this difficult time, we've found Guatemalans to be fairly cheap when it comes to hired help. I want to make sure my children have enough time to concentrate on their studies. |
Anonymous
I agree 100% with you, whenever my house gets too bad, I swing by Home Depot on my way home from tennis lessons, pick up a few mexicans, and $50 later my hose is spotless. People underestimate the power of illegals, they're a great resource. |
Anonymous
| WAHM here. Yes. 2x a month cleaning lady is here but yes, I have to do the cleaning in between. I cannot stand it otherwise. |
Anonymous
|
OP it sounds like you need a new strategy for clutter and cleaning. Work smarter, not harder - and this is something that everyone struggles with.
Here are my tips - 1) keep a box in the laundry room and fill with clothes that are too small. Schedule a pick up each month for donated items. (National Children's Center and Disabled American Veterans pick up at your door) 2) If you are headed to another room take things with you. Example - headed to the car, take the trash out with you (even if it's not 100% filled) 3) Have the kids help, especially with putting their laundry away. I started my kids on this very early - in the toddler years. 4) Sort the mail right away. 95% of it is trash or shread. |