if you stay at home with kids (mom or dad), is cleaning one of your "jobs"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The working parent is occupied during the day with and the stay at home parent is busy dealing with the kids and their messes. "

How much time does it take to deal with the kids and their messes?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Please go read this thread, then re-think your question. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/183598.page

Look, it's hard to judge OP, because everyone's definition of "clean" vs. "cluttered" vs. "filthy and unlivable" is a bit different. She seems to agree that she could use some work, so she probably could. But the idea that watching a four-year-old and a one-year-old isn't a time-consuming activity is just silly. If she never did anything at all, she would still have most of her day filled. The real issue is that she needs to learn to multi-task (supervise kids playing AND do laundry) not that she isn't currently doing anything, just that she could fit more tasks into that same amount of time.

For those who say that the kids "should" be able to entertain themselves: Bullshit. The 4-year-old should be able to play independently, but a one-year-old needs supervision. In some families, the older sibling would be able to keep the one-year-old occupied, but we don't know enough about the layout of their house, their sibling dynamic, the maturity level of this particular four-year-old, etc. to really be able to comment. Now that said, OP you should be able to set the preschooler up with an activity and get the one-year-old involved with "helping" and get a lot done.

My daily routine (with 2 1/2 yo twins) is: Get up before kids and work out, shower, makeup, etc. I also prep snacks and breakfast for the day and unload the dishwasher. I get the kids up and get them completely ready (hair brushed, teeth brushed, dressed, shoes, sunscreen/bug spray, the works). We go downstairs and put in a load of laundry (sometimes mine, sometimes theirs, towels/sheets/whatever, but we do a load daily). We go in the kitchen and eat breakfast. The kids load their plastic dishes into the dishwasher while I rinse all the breakfast dishes and wipe the table/counters. We leave on an outing for the morning.

We get back and we get their shoes and socks off and put away, then they use the bathroom and get pull-ups on for naptime. They play for a few minutes in the kitchen while I put lunch on the table, then we eat and head straight in for naptime. Once they are down, I rotate the load of laundry from that morning into the dryer. Then I come back to the kitchen and clean up from lunch, then do dinner prep. I look for recipes that can be prepped in advance and then put in the oven 30 minutes before. I put away the toys they played with in the kitchen, and relax for a bit until the dryer dings, then I fold and put it away if I have time. I also try to do one other housecleaning task during this time, for example, cleaning toilets/showers, dusting, vacuuming areas away from their bedroom, clean out the fridge/freezer, etc.

When they get up, I get their pull-ups off and they use the bathroom again and get dressed. They play with toys while I finish folding/putting away laundry and maybe vacuum their rooms. If it's a load of their clothes, I fold it and they put it in their drawers. We play for about 30 minutes/an hour, depending on what time they got up and how much I had left to do somewhere in this time, I usually run into the kitchen to throw dinner in the oven. At the end of this time, they help to put all their toys and books away, then they take a bath. Around the end of bathtime, I turn off the oven and leave the door open. They run around naked for a few minutes while I wipe down the tub and counters to keep their bathroom clean, then we get their pjs on, hair brushed, etc.

They come in the kitchen with me and set their plastic cups on the table, along with all the forks and knives. While they do that, I dish up dinner for everyone so we're all ready to eat when DP comes home. Then we read stories until dinner. After dinner, DP and kids go play in the playroom while I clear the table, wipe the counters, and put dishes in the dishwasher. They usually watch about 30 minutes of tv during this time. I come in and they use the restroom and get pull-ups on for bedtime, then we brush teeth and we all read stories together (DP too) until bedtime, when we tuck them in and leave. I try to do one more housecleaning thing (vacuum something, dust something, whatever after they are in bed, and then I'm done for the day at 8 pm. I am usually asleep by 10 so I can be up in time to work out.

There are a few things that ar DP's "job" (I never take the trash out, and his laundry is his responsibility, for example) but
I manage to get most of it done, and we work together to get kids down in the evening, so I feel like we're pretty even.

this response here represents at least 5 minutes that could have been used to CLEAN THE GOD DAMNED HOUSE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you sound LAZY...if you consider this a "job" takes some pride in it. Obviously your child under 2 naps each day and your 4 year old may nap too or has some quiet time. What do you do then? Catch up on DCUM?

I work 40+ hours a week; have a 4year old and am 8 months pregnant. My house is clean, refrigerator is stocked and I cook dinner every night during the week. I have no outside hep. People like you give SAHM a bad name

Of course your house is clean, nobody is in it all day long!

Yep. When WOHMs say how clean they keep their house, they are conveniently forgetting their kids are in daycare all day, and not around to make 1/2 the mess kids of SAHMs are. I'm not defending OP, who does sound like she and her DH need to get on the same page in terms of housekeeping, but it kind of burns me when I read stuff like this. My kids are home making messes most of the day. The messes of kids whose parents work are mostly contained to daycare.

Not always. I WOH and my childcare provider stays at my home with DS. She doesn't do any cleaning/cooking outside of what she makes for DS (and I usually have it prepared for him) and will do occasional laundry for DS but that's about it. I don't have a house keeper either--DH and I do it all ourselves. My house still manages to stay clean (although not as clean as OP's husband would prefer) and meals are still cooked most nights. I think it is perfectly reasonable for people to expect that a SAHM should be able to manage most of the cleaning and cooking but it depends on your standard of cleanliness. Sounds like OP's husband is either very OCD or is looking for reasons to find flaws with the OP just to pick a fight....which is a bigger problem in itself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"The working parent is occupied during the day with and the stay at home parent is busy dealing with the kids and their messes. "

How much time does it take to deal with the kids and their messes?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Please go read this thread, then re-think your question. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/183598.page

Look, it's hard to judge OP, because everyone's definition of "clean" vs. "cluttered" vs. "filthy and unlivable" is a bit different. She seems to agree that she could use some work, so she probably could. But the idea that watching a four-year-old and a one-year-old isn't a time-consuming activity is just silly. If she never did anything at all, she would still have most of her day filled. The real issue is that she needs to learn to multi-task (supervise kids playing AND do laundry) not that she isn't currently doing anything, just that she could fit more tasks into that same amount of time.

For those who say that the kids "should" be able to entertain themselves: Bullshit. The 4-year-old should be able to play independently, but a one-year-old needs supervision. In some families, the older sibling would be able to keep the one-year-old occupied, but we don't know enough about the layout of their house, their sibling dynamic, the maturity level of this particular four-year-old, etc. to really be able to comment. Now that said, OP you should be able to set the preschooler up with an activity and get the one-year-old involved with "helping" and get a lot done.

My daily routine (with 2 1/2 yo twins) is: Get up before kids and work out, shower, makeup, etc. I also prep snacks and breakfast for the day and unload the dishwasher. I get the kids up and get them completely ready (hair brushed, teeth brushed, dressed, shoes, sunscreen/bug spray, the works). We go downstairs and put in a load of laundry (sometimes mine, sometimes theirs, towels/sheets/whatever, but we do a load daily). We go in the kitchen and eat breakfast. The kids load their plastic dishes into the dishwasher while I rinse all the breakfast dishes and wipe the table/counters. We leave on an outing for the morning.

We get back and we get their shoes and socks off and put away, then they use the bathroom and get pull-ups on for naptime. They play for a few minutes in the kitchen while I put lunch on the table, then we eat and head straight in for naptime. Once they are down, I rotate the load of laundry from that morning into the dryer. Then I come back to the kitchen and clean up from lunch, then do dinner prep. I look for recipes that can be prepped in advance and then put in the oven 30 minutes before. I put away the toys they played with in the kitchen, and relax for a bit until the dryer dings, then I fold and put it away if I have time. I also try to do one other housecleaning task during this time, for example, cleaning toilets/showers, dusting, vacuuming areas away from their bedroom, clean out the fridge/freezer, etc.

When they get up, I get their pull-ups off and they use the bathroom again and get dressed. They play with toys while I finish folding/putting away laundry and maybe vacuum their rooms. If it's a load of their clothes, I fold it and they put it in their drawers. We play for about 30 minutes/an hour, depending on what time they got up and how much I had left to do somewhere in this time, I usually run into the kitchen to throw dinner in the oven. At the end of this time, they help to put all their toys and books away, then they take a bath. Around the end of bathtime, I turn off the oven and leave the door open. They run around naked for a few minutes while I wipe down the tub and counters to keep their bathroom clean, then we get their pjs on, hair brushed, etc.

They come in the kitchen with me and set their plastic cups on the table, along with all the forks and knives. While they do that, I dish up dinner for everyone so we're all ready to eat when DP comes home. Then we read stories until dinner. After dinner, DP and kids go play in the playroom while I clear the table, wipe the counters, and put dishes in the dishwasher. They usually watch about 30 minutes of tv during this time. I come in and they use the restroom and get pull-ups on for bedtime, then we brush teeth and we all read stories together (DP too) until bedtime, when we tuck them in and leave. I try to do one more housecleaning thing (vacuum something, dust something, whatever after they are in bed, and then I'm done for the day at 8 pm. I am usually asleep by 10 so I can be up in time to work out.

There are a few things that ar DP's "job" (I never take the trash out, and his laundry is his responsibility, for example) but
I manage to get most of it done, and we work together to get kids down in the evening, so I feel like we're pretty even.

this response here represents at least 5 minutes that could have been used to CLEAN THE GOD DAMNED HOUSE!

Actually, it's naptime and my chores are done, thanks.

[Anonymous]

PP here--and I should mention that my DH works at home 80% of the time so people are ALWAYS in my house--just not me. Somehow I am the one who cleans up most of the messes though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Dh doesn't expect me to do anything but take care of ds.

While a husband should not "expert" this, I think it IS your job as a SAHM to keep the home orderly. How hard is it? I managed with two little ones, and now that I'm working, both of us do our share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

probably the same reason that working husband translates in to sole income.

he's doing his part, you should be doing yours

Zing!

I am doing my part-- the child care that would otherwise be outsourced. We did not choose to have me stay so
I could be my husband's personal servant; I stayed at home because that is the kind of child care we both preferred.

Would you send your child to a filthy daycare or preschool?

'nuff said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am doing my part-- the child care that would otherwise be outsourced. We did not choose to have me stay so
I could be my husband's personal servant; I stayed at home because that is the kind of child care we both preferred.

Would you send your child to a filthy daycare or preschool?

'nuff said

game-set-match

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not always. I WOH and my childcare provider stays at my home with DS. She doesn't do any cleaning/cooking outside of what she makes for DS (and I usually have it prepared for him) and will do occasional laundry for DS but that's about it. I don't have a house keeper either--DH and I do it all ourselves. My house still manages to stay clean (although not as clean as OP's husband would prefer) and meals are still cooked most nights. I think it is perfectly reasonable for people to expect that a SAHM should be able to manage most of the cleaning and cooking but it depends on your standard of cleanliness. Sounds like OP's husband is either very OCD or is looking for reasons to find flaws with the OP just to pick a fight....which is a bigger problem in itself!

PP, do you think it would be reasonable to expect your childcare provider to grocery shop, prep dinner, cook dinner, and do all the laundry, fold it and put it away, whie she is also caring for your child or children?

You don't right? You expect those jobs to be completed by you and your husband, after coming home from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the SAHP isn't the only member of the household. The working parent Also creates laundry and dishes and messes and is part of the household, not the employer. The working parent is occupied during the day with and the stay at home parent is busy dealing with the kids and their messes. Each should pitch in because it is a FAMILY and a shared household.

Hey, if the spouse is bringing in the money, the SAH should do his/her part, too. Sometimes 50/50 isn't always "gender fair." But such is life. If you hate cleaning by yourself, OP, then find a job and put some of the household duties on your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am doing my part-- the child care that would otherwise be outsourced. We did not choose to have me stay so
I could be my husband's personal servant; I stayed at home because that is the kind of child care we both preferred.

Would you send your child to a filthy daycare or preschool?

'nuff said

game-set-match

But no one at daycare has to do laundry, change the sheets, go grocery shopping, plan meals, cook dinner, right?

They just clean up after the kids.

Dirty clothes? They send them home for parents to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But no one at daycare has to do laundry, change the sheets, go grocery shopping, plan meals, cook dinner, right?

They just clean up after the kids.

Dirty clothes? They send them home for parents to deal.

but they have 20-25 kids to watch...so I think by shedding 23 kids to watch might afford you the time to throw in a load of laundry or 2.

like it was said above, it's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am doing my part-- the child care that would otherwise be outsourced. We did not choose to have me stay so
I could be my husband's personal servant; I stayed at home because that is the kind of child care we both preferred.

Would you send your child to a filthy daycare or preschool?

'nuff said

game-set-match

But no one at daycare has to do laundry, change the sheets, go grocery shopping, plan meals, cook dinner, right?

They just clean up after the kids.

Dirty clothes? They send them home for parents to deal.

They wash mats and mat covers. They disinfect tables. They clean up after lunch. They DO shop for snack AND cleaning supplies. I did - when I was at a co-op with my first. They change diapers.

So yes, they accomplish all of that AND care for/teach the children.

What do you expect when people drop off kids at daycares/schools? that it all miraculously appears? POOF! all clean and all stocked up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What do you expect when people drop off kids at daycares/schools? that it all miraculously appears? POOF! all clean and all stocked up!

no, it's just a lazy SAHM that carries a laundry basket around like a cross, because she's such a martyr, and what she does id sooooooooooo hard.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people are jumping on OP quickly here. Granted, her original post was a little precious, but her following posts clarified that she DOES do cleaning, laundry, cooks after a fashion. And she has admitted that she may need to do more, instead of continuing to say she shouldn't have to do any more work. If she came on here and said that she never cleaned, and never cooked, and thought her DH should do all of that, then I would think she is lazy. But as a working mom of a 4 and 2 year old, I know that on weekends, I am exhausted by the end of the day, and yes, I do not keep the house on those days as clean or nice as it is during the week.

OP, it sounds to me like there is a sudden disconnect between your DH and you. You say you have two little ones; how long have you been staying home? Is this the first time he's ever talked about how he's unhappy with the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not always. I WOH and my childcare provider stays at my home with DS. She doesn't do any cleaning/cooking outside of what she makes for DS (and I usually have it prepared for him) and will do occasional laundry for DS but that's about it. I don't have a house keeper either--DH and I do it all ourselves. My house still manages to stay clean (although not as clean as OP's husband would prefer) and meals are still cooked most nights. I think it is perfectly reasonable for people to expect that a SAHM should be able to manage most of the cleaning and cooking but it depends on your standard of cleanliness. Sounds like OP's husband is either very OCD or is looking for reasons to find flaws with the OP just to pick a fight....which is a bigger problem in itself!

PP, do you think it would be reasonable to expect your childcare provider to grocery shop, prep dinner, cook dinner, and do all the laundry, fold it and put it away, whie she is also caring for your child or children?

You don't right? You expect those jobs to be completed by you and your husband, after coming home from work.

No, I don't expect it all and I'm not complaining. I was just responding to the posters who were saying that WOHMs don't have as much of a mess to worry about because their kids are at daycare all day. Just pointing our that it's not always the case.