DH just doesn’t get it (Mother’s Day edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

+100

DCUM is whatever the posters make it. I can post and argue for something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

+100

DCUM is whatever the posters make it. I can post and argue for something else.

Are we free to not read and respond to your remarks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

+100

DCUM is whatever the posters make it. I can post and argue for something else.

Are we free to not read and respond to your remarks?

z

I am not the one telling people to get off DCUM. That's you and your ilk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

And his wife may well be someone who is bummed that her husband has turned into someone she's not especially interested in having sex with. That's on him.

[Anonymous]

Nothing says Mother's Day like, "I need to get out of this house and away from all of you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

I disagree, and I'm a woman with two kids. If a parent wants to spend an overnight away from home, for me that's a big deal. It means that somehow we have not made a home that can accommodate someone's desire for undisturbed peace and quiet. I understand that many young kids can't help being loud and demanding, but I happen to have very quiet and calm children, so this was never a problem for me.

My point is that respectful pushback is always fine. The other adult is entitled to question a request, always. What matters is whether the discussion is calm and rational, and whether reasonable requests are accommodated. In this case, I think OP makes a reasonable request. But I would have questioned the need for a hotel overnight as well.

Her husband's decision to get a sitter for that evening is ridiculous, of course. It shows he just can't handle the kids he has, and THAT'S the part I find disappointing.

This is nonsense. Don’t ask someone what they want as a gift and then “respectfully pushback”. They know what they want. Of course you’re not obligated to give it to them but don’t bother asking if you don’t intend to care.

You are conflating “caring” and “giving people whatever they want.”

No, I'm not. No one wants to negotiate their Mother's Day Gift under the guise of "push back". I'd seriously rather have nothing at all.
But you're also a person who responds with "I happen to have very calm and quiet children" when answering a person who needs a break, so there's that.

Nope, I'm another poster who disagrees with you.

This is the classic tell you're the same poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

I disagree, and I'm a woman with two kids. If a parent wants to spend an overnight away from home, for me that's a big deal. It means that somehow we have not made a home that can accommodate someone's desire for undisturbed peace and quiet. I understand that many young kids can't help being loud and demanding, but I happen to have very quiet and calm children, so this was never a problem for me.

My point is that respectful pushback is always fine. The other adult is entitled to question a request, always. What matters is whether the discussion is calm and rational, and whether reasonable requests are accommodated. In this case, I think OP makes a reasonable request. But I would have questioned the need for a hotel overnight as well.

Her husband's decision to get a sitter for that evening is ridiculous, of course. It shows he just can't handle the kids he has, and THAT'S the part I find disappointing.

This is nonsense. Don’t ask someone what they want as a gift and then “respectfully pushback”. They know what they want. Of course you’re not obligated to give it to them but don’t bother asking if you don’t intend to care.

You are conflating “caring” and “giving people whatever they want.”

No, I'm not. No one wants to negotiate their Mother's Day Gift under the guise of "push back". I'd seriously rather have nothing at all.
But you're also a person who responds with "I happen to have very calm and quiet children" when answering a person who needs a break, so there's that.

Nope, I'm another poster who disagrees with you.

This is the classic tell you're the same poster

And I'm a different poster BTW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

I disagree, and I'm a woman with two kids. If a parent wants to spend an overnight away from home, for me that's a big deal. It means that somehow we have not made a home that can accommodate someone's desire for undisturbed peace and quiet. I understand that many young kids can't help being loud and demanding, but I happen to have very quiet and calm children, so this was never a problem for me.

My point is that respectful pushback is always fine. The other adult is entitled to question a request, always. What matters is whether the discussion is calm and rational, and whether reasonable requests are accommodated. In this case, I think OP makes a reasonable request. But I would have questioned the need for a hotel overnight as well.

Her husband's decision to get a sitter for that evening is ridiculous, of course. It shows he just can't handle the kids he has, and THAT'S the part I find disappointing.

This is nonsense. Don’t ask someone what they want as a gift and then “respectfully pushback”. They know what they want. Of course you’re not obligated to give it to them but don’t bother asking if you don’t intend to care.

You are conflating “caring” and “giving people whatever they want.”

No, I'm not. No one wants to negotiate their Mother's Day Gift under the guise of "push back". I'd seriously rather have nothing at all.
But you're also a person who responds with "I happen to have very calm and quiet children" when answering a person who needs a break, so there's that.

Nope, I'm another poster who disagrees with you.

This is the classic tell you're the same poster

What on earth? You sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

We are reminding OP that she got what she wanted and that's very important here. I know that it ruins the mood for those who just want to spend their time bashing husbands and not looking for solutions.

Sounds like you enjoy people venting, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

+100

DCUM is whatever the posters make it. I can post and argue for something else.

Are we free to not read and respond to your remarks?

z

I am not the one telling people to get off DCUM. That's you and your ilk.

My bad. I should have posted a /sarcasm

This site sells advertising. This "get off DCUM" response - like this place exists to discourse yourself and your peers to edification and self-improvement... is hilariously stupid. You are here to buy leggings. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

My God, OP, you got what you wanted.

Stop whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing says Mother's Day like, "I need to get out of this house and away from all of you!"

It's not called 'Family Day'. It's Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

A husband who can’t take care of his kids for one night is bad parent.