DH just doesn’t get it (Mother’s Day edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I told him I’d like to go to a local hotel by myself the night before Mother’s Day to get some spa treatments, order room service for dinner, relax, and catch up on sleep. For Mother’s Day itself, I said I wanted to go to brunch with the whole family (DH and our 3 kids) the next morning and spend the rest of the day together, maybe doing something outside if the weather is nice. I told DH that is all I wanted, no need to buy a gift.

DH did NOT seem excited about this plan. He said something like “that’s fine, but I can’t believe you don’t want to spend the day with the family.” This despite the fact that I DO want to spend the day with our family. I just also asked to do my own thing the night before. Also, I’m a SAHM to young kids. I’m spending time with the family all day every day.

Just venting I guess. I’m just disappointed that when I finally asked for what I really wanted (the solo hotel stay instead of gifts), DH was judgmental. He finally agreed to it but insisted on hiring a babysitter for the night that I’m gone - which I am fine with! But there was no need to make me feel bad for asking for what I want.

Some of you don’t seem to get that Mother’s Day isn’t something your spouse does for you, it’s when he helps the kids figure out something to do for you. You know, teach them how to give gifts and be grateful for what you do for them. Getting away from them isn’t what they want to give you for Mother’s Day.

When you have young kids, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are certainly things you do for your spouse. To give them a break or whatever they want. Her husband just doesn’t want to deal with the kids, which is why he hired a babysitter for one night.

[Anonymous]

If your bar for a happy marriage is that your husband understands you implicitly without explanations and discussions... you're going to be continually disappointed, OP.

You cannot realistically ask that of a normal human being. You need to accept that you will often have to defend, persuade, convince your spouse regarding your opinions, needs and wants.

I don't know why you're even complaining. He's complying with your request!!!

Seriously. You're acting quite spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Very weird...on your end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I told him I’d like to go to a local hotel by myself the night before Mother’s Day to get some spa treatments, order room service for dinner, relax, and catch up on sleep. For Mother’s Day itself, I said I wanted to go to brunch with the whole family (DH and our 3 kids) the next morning and spend the rest of the day together, maybe doing something outside if the weather is nice. I told DH that is all I wanted, no need to buy a gift.

DH did NOT seem excited about this plan. He said something like “that’s fine, but I can’t believe you don’t want to spend the day with the family.” This despite the fact that I DO want to spend the day with our family. I just also asked to do my own thing the night before. Also, I’m a SAHM to young kids. I’m spending time with the family all day every day.

Just venting I guess. I’m just disappointed that when I finally asked for what I really wanted (the solo hotel stay instead of gifts), DH was judgmental. He finally agreed to it but insisted on hiring a babysitter for the night that I’m gone - which I am fine with! But there was no need to make me feel bad for asking for what I want.

Just to be clear, your husband isn't judgment, he's a loser who can't take care of your children. Tread carefully - it sounds like he uses you. I hope you're financially set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its GREAT! He basically told you exactly what he wants for Fathers day-an entire day morning-night spent with you and your 3 kids. No need for him to have a break from you all. You presence will be his gift!

You do what you want, and he will get what he wants. Win win.

For sure 100% this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its so lame he had to hire a sitter. That tells me everything I need to know about why YOU need and deserve a break.

+1000

What kind of a waste-of-space husband can't care for his own kids solo? His wife and a babysitter can do it but he can't?

You landed yourself a real gem, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a jerk. He is selfish. He doesn’t want you to be happy. The fact that you want to get away from him and spend the night alone speaks volumes. He is probably not a nice person to be around.
Don’t wait until it gets worse. Contact a divorce lawyer.

She won't. She had three kids with this man. She knew what she was getting into but now she doesn't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your bar for a happy marriage is that your husband understands you implicitly without explanations and discussions... you're going to be continually disappointed, OP.

You cannot realistically ask that of a normal human being. You need to accept that you will often have to defend, persuade, convince your spouse regarding your opinions, needs and wants.

I don't know why you're even complaining. He's complying with your request!!!

Seriously. You're acting quite spoiled.

WTF? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

I disagree, and I'm a woman with two kids. If a parent wants to spend an overnight away from home, for me that's a big deal. It means that somehow we have not made a home that can accommodate someone's desire for undisturbed peace and quiet. I understand that many young kids can't help being loud and demanding, but I happen to have very quiet and calm children, so this was never a problem for me.

My point is that respectful pushback is always fine. The other adult is entitled to question a request, always. What matters is whether the discussion is calm and rational, and whether reasonable requests are accommodated. In this case, I think OP makes a reasonable request. But I would have questioned the need for a hotel overnight as well.

Her husband's decision to get a sitter for that evening is ridiculous, of course. It shows he just can't handle the kids he has, and THAT'S the part I find disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its so lame he had to hire a sitter. That tells me everything I need to know about why YOU need and deserve a break.

+1000

Nothing more cringe than someone who can't take care of their own kids for a night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your bar for a happy marriage is that your husband understands you implicitly without explanations and discussions... you're going to be continually disappointed, OP.

You cannot realistically ask that of a normal human being. You need to accept that you will often have to defend, persuade, convince your spouse regarding your opinions, needs and wants.

I don't know why you're even complaining. He's complying with your request!!!

Seriously. You're acting quite spoiled.

WTF? Um, no.

Oh, you want a partner who will just agree with everything you say? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you think it normal for a husband to expect this from his wife?

You are not being fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem extremely quick to judge, OP. Your husband is giving you what you want with minimal pushback. Come on. It's like you feel you have an obligation to whine about your husband every Mother's Day, or any time society imposes a made-up event on your family.

There should be ZERO pushback with OP's request. Zero.

I disagree, and I'm a woman with two kids. If a parent wants to spend an overnight away from home, for me that's a big deal. It means that somehow we have not made a home that can accommodate someone's desire for undisturbed peace and quiet. I understand that many young kids can't help being loud and demanding, but I happen to have very quiet and calm children, so this was never a problem for me.

My point is that respectful pushback is always fine. The other adult is entitled to question a request, always. What matters is whether the discussion is calm and rational, and whether reasonable requests are accommodated. In this case, I think OP makes a reasonable request. But I would have questioned the need for a hotel overnight as well.

Her husband's decision to get a sitter for that evening is ridiculous, of course. It shows he just can't handle the kids he has, and THAT'S the part I find disappointing.

So you don't really understand what its like to for instance, have 3 boys under 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your bar for a happy marriage is that your husband understands you implicitly without explanations and discussions... you're going to be continually disappointed, OP.

You cannot realistically ask that of a normal human being. You need to accept that you will often have to defend, persuade, convince your spouse regarding your opinions, needs and wants.

I don't know why you're even complaining. He's complying with your request!!!

Seriously. You're acting quite spoiled.

WTF? Um, no.

Oh, you want a partner who will just agree with everything you say? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you think it normal for a husband to expect this from his wife?

You are not being fair.

There's wide gap between agreeing with everything a partner says and shaming them for it.

Like of your spouse says "Hey I'd like to go out to watch the game with Bob Friday night" and your reaction is "Kid has a scout camp out that night, I can't believe you want to spend time away from your family" versus "oh Kid has a scout campout that night, could you go out with Bob on Thursday or Saturday", those are very different conversations.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth does he need a babysitter while you are gone?
Oh right, typical male.