DH just doesn’t get it (Mother’s Day edition)

[Anonymous]

I really want to be Team OP. But madam, why did you have three kids? And decide to stay home. You made your bed…

[Anonymous]

LOL, WHAT A LOSER OF A HUSBAND.

Hiring a babysitter for one night? PATHETIC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A husband who can’t take care of his kids for one night is bad parent.

I'm certain OP knew he was a bad parent after child #1; still she decided with bad parent that she wanted to add more children to the family with bad parent, so here we are.

At least she's fortunate enough they can afford a babysitter or she wouldn't be going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A husband who can’t take care of his kids for one night is bad parent.

I remember my youngest was 4 months old and I developed mastitis and had to go to urgent care, which ended up taking way longer than I'd hoped. And I got home, husband had the kids in bed and the kitchen cleaned up from after dinner.

Point is, what's going to happen when you get sick or have to be out unexpectedly if your husband can't even manage a planned night out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, WHAT A LOSER OF A HUSBAND.

Hiring a babysitter for one night? PATHETIC.

Girllllll +1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband who can’t take care of his kids for one night is bad parent.

I remember my youngest was 4 months old and I developed mastitis and had to go to urgent care, which ended up taking way longer than I'd hoped. And I got home, husband had the kids in bed and the kitchen cleaned up from after dinner.

Point is, what's going to happen when you get sick or have to be out unexpectedly if your husband can't even manage a planned night out?

What makes you think OP doesn't have a plan?

Do you think she would have more children with him, knowing the type of father he isn't, if she didn't have a plan?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

If that’s what he wanted, he would have planned a date night, not tried to hijack the night to herself she specifically asked for. OP, you have every right to be annoyed and to tell your husband you don’t understand why he asked what you wanted if he was going to give you a hard time.

FWIW I still remember a couple mothers days when my kids were still so little and all consuming that breakfast in bed watching tv felt like a luxury vacation. Do NOT FEEL GUILTY. Everyone needs time away from their kids, if you were having your needs met other times you might not be requesting it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband can’t manage his kids w out assistance for a night?

Ewww

+1000

This is a bigger problem than the Mother's Day issue. Why did you have three kids with someone who isn't capable of taking care of them?!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If your bar for a happy marriage is that your husband understands you implicitly without explanations and discussions... you're going to be continually disappointed, OP.

You cannot realistically ask that of a normal human being. You need to accept that you will often have to defend, persuade, convince your spouse regarding your opinions, needs and wants.

I don't know why you're even complaining. He's complying with your request!!!

Seriously. You're acting quite spoiled.

WTF? Um, no.

Oh, you want a partner who will just agree with everything you say? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you think it normal for a husband to expect this from his wife?

You are not being fair.

Well, for starters, OP is a SAHM, so yes, I think it would be normal for a SAHD to want some uninterrupted time away from his kids if he were home with them all the time. Why do you think that's so weird?

And no, I don't want a partner will who just agree with everything I say, but I do want a partner who respects my wishes. But you do, enjoy litigating every little thing with your spouse.

You are contradicting yourself. You cannot dictate what your spouse is allowed to counter. Clearly OP's husband, like many husbands, doesn't feel confident alone with 3 kids. It's disappointing, but it's nothing surprising. So OP got pushback on the overnight hotel stay, which she could have predicted. What matters is that she got what she wanted.

None of this is surprising to me, PP. I think OP's husband's pushback is entirely reasonable, and it's also normal that he came to accept OP's request.

In fact, none of this warrants a thread. But Mother's Day and Valentine's Day triggers some women to an unholy degree on DCUM. It's interesting, because there isn't that much conflict over who cooks and hosts for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It seems that women on DCUM accept they need to do most of the work for those celebrations. But as soon as their husband doesn't divine what they want to V Day or M Day or they need an explanation... woe to them!

It just doesn't make sense.

Are you dim? If I want to spend $36,000 on a new Birkin, I can absolutely expect for my husband to express his thoughts on that idea. Some things warrant a discussion. One night away for a SAHM shouldn't be a big ask. It's pathetic that you think it is, and even more pathetic that you think it's not surprising that a dad "doesn't feel confident alone with 3 kids." What kind of loser are you married to and what kind of useless men do you know? So yes, that is surprising, I don't know men like that, except for one, and he's definitely a loser.

What matters isn't that she got what she wanted, it's that her husband wasn't willing to support her desired Mother's Day plans. You're either a sorry excuse for a husband or a woman married to one trying to make yourself feel better. Either way, yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

+1

"Whining" in response to your wife's reasonable request is obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, he gets it. He just doesn’t want to have to deal with 3 kids on his own for a night.

+1

It's pathetic that he cannot manage for one afternoon and evening without a babysitter.

+1

Op, are you listening to these comments?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

Sounds like you enjoy complaining about your family life -- even after they have agreed to do the thing you asked. Sounds miserable. Why shouldn't anyway listen to someone who is so clearly set on prolonging misery?

I’m not OP? The main thing I like to process out loud are my feelings about work interactions. But if you think I’m miserable, that’s fine. Your opinion doesn’t affect my happiness. And frankly, your judgment sounds pretty miserable.

Nah, I focus on asking what I want from my husband and I don't cry on the internet if he didn't fall all over himself to give me what i asked in the first few minutes. I focus on making my needs are prioritized along with my husband and children, and I don't feel bad about it. If that sounds "miserable," I suppose that's on you.

DP. You sound like a very miserable person, if you're curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Can we please call them sexpectations? Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

Then why doesn't he plan to do that on the other 364 days a year (maybe 363 days if I subtract her birthday) that aren't supposed to be solely about OP? I personally don't really care about Mother's Day. I care about my husband and kids treating me well all year and I take them when I need it. This Mother's Day happens to not be a convenient weekend to do something since I'll be away with the kids at a sporting event, which is totally fine. But if OP, whose full-time job is childcare, asked for one night alone on the one day a year that is supposed to recognize and celebrate what she does, I don't find that remotely unreasonable, and I think her husband is a selfish prick who can't even care for his own children (which is an entire problem in and of itself). Making someone feel bad because THEIR choice of how to spend time on THEIR day is a dick move. Acting like oh I'm so sad you don't want to spend the day with me is a petulant toddler response, not a grown man response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband who can’t take care of his kids for one night is bad parent.

I remember my youngest was 4 months old and I developed mastitis and had to go to urgent care, which ended up taking way longer than I'd hoped. And I got home, husband had the kids in bed and the kitchen cleaned up from after dinner.

Point is, what's going to happen when you get sick or have to be out unexpectedly if your husband can't even manage a planned night out?

+100

I had a work trip I had to take when our twins were four-months old and my husband had them both alone for a week while I was gone. He didn't even blink. After all, he made them, too!