DH just doesn’t get it (Mother’s Day edition)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

Then why doesn't he plan to do that on the other 364 days a year (maybe 363 days if I subtract her birthday) that aren't supposed to be solely about OP? I personally don't really care about Mother's Day. I care about my husband and kids treating me well all year and I take them when I need it. This Mother's Day happens to not be a convenient weekend to do something since I'll be away with the kids at a sporting event, which is totally fine. But if OP, whose full-time job is childcare, asked for one night alone on the one day a year that is supposed to recognize and celebrate what she does, I don't find that remotely unreasonable, and I think her husband is a selfish prick who can't even care for his own children (which is an entire problem in and of itself). Making someone feel bad because THEIR choice of how to spend time on THEIR day is a dick move. Acting like oh I'm so sad you don't want to spend the day with me is a petulant toddler response, not a grown man response.

I don’t want to be defending this guy, but it sounds like this was his initial response, and he came around pretty quickly.
I’m just saying that it’s possible that OP misinterpreted his response, and it isn’t about him not wanting to be with his kids.

Also, not everyone makes plans weeks in advance to spend time alone with their spouse.

I wouldn’t say any man insisting on a babysitter when he has to take care of his children for one night has “come around.”

OP says she is “fine with it!” Which is what matters here. Not all the folks trying to stir the pot.

She is not fine with it. She hates her husband. It is extremely entitled to demand what she did for a made up day.

Most holidays are "made up days." So not sure why you keep saying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I told him I’d like to go to a local hotel by myself the night before Mother’s Day to get some spa treatments, order room service for dinner, relax, and catch up on sleep. For Mother’s Day itself, I said I wanted to go to brunch with the whole family (DH and our 3 kids) the next morning and spend the rest of the day together, maybe doing something outside if the weather is nice. I told DH that is all I wanted, no need to buy a gift.

DH did NOT seem excited about this plan. He said something like “that’s fine, but I can’t believe you don’t want to spend the day with the family.” This despite the fact that I DO want to spend the day with our family. I just also asked to do my own thing the night before. Also, I’m a SAHM to young kids. I’m spending time with the family all day every day.

Just venting I guess. I’m just disappointed that when I finally asked for what I really wanted (the solo hotel stay instead of gifts), DH was judgmental. He finally agreed to it but insisted on hiring a babysitter for the night that I’m gone - which I am fine with! But there was no need to make me feel bad for asking for what I want.

Ok. Deserving of the misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

Then why doesn't he plan to do that on the other 364 days a year (maybe 363 days if I subtract her birthday) that aren't supposed to be solely about OP? I personally don't really care about Mother's Day. I care about my husband and kids treating me well all year and I take them when I need it. This Mother's Day happens to not be a convenient weekend to do something since I'll be away with the kids at a sporting event, which is totally fine. But if OP, whose full-time job is childcare, asked for one night alone on the one day a year that is supposed to recognize and celebrate what she does, I don't find that remotely unreasonable, and I think her husband is a selfish prick who can't even care for his own children (which is an entire problem in and of itself). Making someone feel bad because THEIR choice of how to spend time on THEIR day is a dick move. Acting like oh I'm so sad you don't want to spend the day with me is a petulant toddler response, not a grown man response.

I don’t want to be defending this guy, but it sounds like this was his initial response, and he came around pretty quickly.
I’m just saying that it’s possible that OP misinterpreted his response, and it isn’t about him not wanting to be with his kids.

Also, not everyone makes plans weeks in advance to spend time alone with their spouse.

Then why did he end up with a sitter?

I kind of think he’s planning to go to the hotel and be with his wife. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but that’s my thought.

That is how I interpreted it too. And that was not what she asked for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

Agreed. It’s just a different interpretation on why he was initially disappointed and maybe even why he wanted to hire the babysitter. Maybe he’s not a lazy jerk who can’t handle being alone with his kids. Maybe he’s a guy who wants to spend time alone with his wife.

Then why doesn't he plan to do that on the other 364 days a year (maybe 363 days if I subtract her birthday) that aren't supposed to be solely about OP? I personally don't really care about Mother's Day. I care about my husband and kids treating me well all year and I take them when I need it. This Mother's Day happens to not be a convenient weekend to do something since I'll be away with the kids at a sporting event, which is totally fine. But if OP, whose full-time job is childcare, asked for one night alone on the one day a year that is supposed to recognize and celebrate what she does, I don't find that remotely unreasonable, and I think her husband is a selfish prick who can't even care for his own children (which is an entire problem in and of itself). Making someone feel bad because THEIR choice of how to spend time on THEIR day is a dick move. Acting like oh I'm so sad you don't want to spend the day with me is a petulant toddler response, not a grown man response.

I don’t want to be defending this guy, but it sounds like this was his initial response, and he came around pretty quickly.
I’m just saying that it’s possible that OP misinterpreted his response, and it isn’t about him not wanting to be with his kids.

Also, not everyone makes plans weeks in advance to spend time alone with their spouse.

Then why did he end up with a sitter?

I kind of think he’s planning to go to the hotel and be with his wife. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but that’s my thought.

That is how I interpreted it too. And that was not what she asked for.

Same. OP is a tired SAHM of 3 small kids and wants a night off from anyone touching her. This includes her DH meanwhile it would never occur to him that the prospect of a kid-free night of hotel sex is NOT what she has in mind.