DH just doesn’t get it (Mother’s Day edition)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

Yes. And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its so lame he had to hire a sitter. That tells me everything I need to know about why YOU need and deserve a break.

Totally!
And this is what I have done on Mother’s Day past when kids were young. It was great. I still go away solo at least once a quarter. It can be a half hour away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

[Anonymous]

End this stupid "holiday".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

Sounds like you enjoy complaining about your family life -- even after they have agreed to do the thing you asked. Sounds miserable. Why shouldn't anyway listen to someone who is so clearly set on prolonging misery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

Sounds like you enjoy complaining about your family life -- even after they have agreed to do the thing you asked. Sounds miserable. Why shouldn't anyway listen to someone who is so clearly set on prolonging misery?

I’m not OP? The main thing I like to process out loud are my feelings about work interactions. But if you think I’m miserable, that’s fine. Your opinion doesn’t affect my happiness. And frankly, your judgment sounds pretty miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

Sounds like you enjoy complaining about your family life -- even after they have agreed to do the thing you asked. Sounds miserable. Why shouldn't anyway listen to someone who is so clearly set on prolonging misery?

I’m not OP? The main thing I like to process out loud are my feelings about work interactions. But if you think I’m miserable, that’s fine. Your opinion doesn’t affect my happiness. And frankly, your judgment sounds pretty miserable.

Nah, I focus on asking what I want from my husband and I don't cry on the internet if he didn't fall all over himself to give me what i asked in the first few minutes. I focus on making my needs are prioritized along with my husband and children, and I don't feel bad about it. If that sounds "miserable," I suppose that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

DP

By "processing with other people" you mean not responding to the discussion, and it's a discussion where every other comment is "your husband is a loser."

If you find this is helpful, whatever it takes I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women really underestimate the value that men put on sex. Maybe he feels like you saying that you want to be away from him overnight is like saying that you don’t want to have sex with him that night.

That interpretation would be so much worse. A guy pouting because he doesn't get sex one night for Mother's Day?

I guess I was thinking more like a guy who doesn’t have sex very often because he has three little kids but is thinking that they will have sex on a holiday? Or is upset that this isn’t something she wants too.

Mother's Day is just about the worst holiday for Dad to be having sex expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

Then you should get off this thread. I find processing with other people to be really helpful in articulating what I want and why I feel the way I feel.

Sounds like you enjoy complaining about your family life -- even after they have agreed to do the thing you asked. Sounds miserable. Why shouldn't anyway listen to someone who is so clearly set on prolonging misery?

I’m not OP? The main thing I like to process out loud are my feelings about work interactions. But if you think I’m miserable, that’s fine. Your opinion doesn’t affect my happiness. And frankly, your judgment sounds pretty miserable.

Nah, I focus on asking what I want from my husband and I don't cry on the internet if he didn't fall all over himself to give me what i asked in the first few minutes. I focus on making my needs are prioritized along with my husband and children, and I don't feel bad about it. If that sounds "miserable," I suppose that's on you.

Great! Sounds like we both have different ways of handling our challenges and are happing doing things in different ways. That’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

If you don't like that I don't like it, you can get off DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toughen up, OP. You are going to be spending a night in the hotel as you want. Who cares if he whined at first?

How you handle conflict and disagreement in a relationship is crucial. Someone jumping to a guilt of "you want to be away from us" is escalating and framing a situation in a toxic manner.

DP Agreed. Two adults with 3 children should be able to resolve this, easily. Things happen. People say things. Couples settle this.

If this is unsettled, OP should consider settling it rather than venting.

It is resolved. OP is still here complaining.

It sounds like the unresolved part is OPs disappointment in him being judgemental.

This of course won't be resolved by complaining here.

Venting and discussing could help OP figure how to articulate her feelings to her husband.

I'm a woman and think there is entirely too much time spent on DCUM on feelings of past fights and not nearly enough on getting what she actually wants (which it sounds like she has).

+1

Then get off DCUM and stop commenting if you don’t like it.

We are reminding OP that she got what she wanted and that's very important here. I know that it ruins the mood for those who just want to spend their time bashing husbands and not looking for solutions.