How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help OP.

The thing is that I’ve always been like this. When I was very young (16-20), I met with my boyfriends daily. It was so natural for both of us to see each other every day after school/work. Then I had a couple of relationships where men weren’t even in touch daily and appeared/disappeared as they wished, and I suffered so much that I married my husband just to avoid that pain.

Maybe I just need a man who wants to meet nearly daily too or just suffer through a few months with my boyfriend until we naturally decide to move in together.

OP, I think having the butterflies and the intense chemistry can be exhilarating in an early relationship and it can cause anxiety when you are still getting to know the person. The anxiety calms when you are with them and it gets worse when you aren't together. People with anxious attachment disorder feel this type of anxiety much more intense than others. I suspect that you have anxious attachment and I would suggest that you get into therapy and perhaps CBT so that you can learn skills on how to manage these thoughts and feelings when they come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help OP.

The thing is that I’ve always been like this. When I was very young (16-20), I met with my boyfriends daily. It was so natural for both of us to see each other every day after school/work. Then I had a couple of relationships where men weren’t even in touch daily and appeared/disappeared as they wished, and I suffered so much that I married my husband just to avoid that pain.

Maybe I just need a man who wants to meet nearly daily too or just suffer through a few months with my boyfriend until we naturally decide to move in together.

OP, I think having the butterflies and the intense chemistry can be exhilarating in an early relationship and it can cause anxiety when you are still getting to know the person. The anxiety calms when you are with them and it gets worse when you aren't together. People with anxious attachment disorder feel this type of anxiety much more intense than others. I suspect that you have anxious attachment and I would suggest that you get into therapy and perhaps CBT so that you can learn skills on how to manage these thoughts and feelings when they come up.

I think you’re right. I’m very calm when I’m with him, all the difficulties start when we are apart. Just need the time and energy to find a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

We are in our 40s. Men are capable, but it’s unlikely in our case. He was really looking for a relationship when we met. He told me that he is not seeing anybody else (I didn’t ask, he just mentioned it as in “I haven’t been sick this winter yet, probably because I’m not meeting anyone in person except for you”.) I don’t put any pressure on him at all, I suffer quietly and share here. For example, he was the first to reach out today and said that he thought about me and realized that he already missed me. Then I replied asking if he wants to take a walk. When he said he wants to go to bed early because his feet haven’t healed, I just wished him to recover soon and rest, that’s all.

Also, he does appear and behave as if he truly loves me - all the time asks if I’m hungry, thirsty, tired, sleepy, cold, comfortable, etc., brings me food, drinks, blanket, and makes plans for the future trips and activities all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

We are in our 40s. Men are capable, but it’s unlikely in our case. He was really looking for a relationship when we met. He told me that he is not seeing anybody else (I didn’t ask, he just mentioned it as in “I haven’t been sick this winter yet, probably because I’m not meeting anyone in person except for you”.) I don’t put any pressure on him at all, I suffer quietly and share here. For example, he was the first to reach out today and said that he thought about me and realized that he already missed me. Then I replied asking if he wants to take a walk. When he said he wants to go to bed early because his feet haven’t healed, I just wished him to recover soon and rest, that’s all.

Also, he does appear and behave as if he truly loves me - all the time asks if I’m hungry, thirsty, tired, sleepy, cold, comfortable, etc., brings me food, drinks, blanket, and makes plans for the future trips and activities all the time.

If he’s so perfect and loves you and wants a relationship, why do you seek out new men for company after 3 days of seperation?

You might be pathologically sex addicted if you can bang 5 times a day and you still need another guy to fill the gap.

[Anonymous]

Well, then you shouldn't really have to worry and feel so anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

In college I had a boyfriend who would only spend weekends with me because he wanted to “keep the relationship fresh”. I thought this was romantic but when my mom heard about it she immediately exclaimed “because he’s got other girlfriends.”

[Anonymous]

Op you're a mess. Stop and get your shiz together. Ypu have a husband, a boyfriend of 2 months you're crying over, and a 3rd dude you passionately kissed to distract you from missing your boyfriend....who is actually also a distraction from your marriage dissolution.

Breathe. Be alone. Live your life. This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

We are in our 40s. Men are capable, but it’s unlikely in our case. He was really looking for a relationship when we met. He told me that he is not seeing anybody else (I didn’t ask, he just mentioned it as in “I haven’t been sick this winter yet, probably because I’m not meeting anyone in person except for you”.) I don’t put any pressure on him at all, I suffer quietly and share here. For example, he was the first to reach out today and said that he thought about me and realized that he already missed me. Then I replied asking if he wants to take a walk. When he said he wants to go to bed early because his feet haven’t healed, I just wished him to recover soon and rest, that’s all.

Also, he does appear and behave as if he truly loves me - all the time asks if I’m hungry, thirsty, tired, sleepy, cold, comfortable, etc., brings me food, drinks, blanket, and makes plans for the future trips and activities all the time.

If he’s so perfect and loves you and wants a relationship, why do you seek out new men for company after 3 days of seperation?

You might be pathologically sex addicted if you can bang 5 times a day and you still need another guy to fill the gap.

I haven’t seen that other man for a month, since after he kissed me - although he texted me last week reminding that he’d be happy to meet whenever I want. It’s not that I can’t live without sex for a day or two, I just miss him as a person so much, and I like spending time with people in general. And it bothers me that our rhythms don’t match and I want to see him more often than he wants to see me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, then you shouldn't really have to worry and feel so anxious.

It’s just so difficult to go through a day without him when I so much want to be with him. When we are together, it feels so incredibly good, I just want that to continue indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to learn to enjoy being by and with yourself. And stop seeing any little disruption of plans as a personal affront. Heck, use that time to work on yourself and figuring out why you feel that way.

OP here. I think it’s because my bonding hormones increase so much when we are together that it’s really hard to go through a drop for the next few days. It’s biological. A painful withdrawal stage always makes me think that if love comes with so much pain, I don’t need love in my life. Based on this, I made a decision to marry DH many years ago. I didn’t love him, and there were no meaningful changes in my hormonal levels - not much pleasure, but no pain either.

Grow up and control your “hormones.” You’re not a feral cat.

+1. Absolutely insane to absolve yourself of responsibility because it’s your hormones’ fault.

Do you have any friends (THAT AREN’T MEN) in real life that care about you that you can share this story with?

OP here. We again spent 3 full days and nights together, and I’m back to square 1 and re-read this whole thread today.

I spoke with my friend (woman) yesterday, and she said that I shouldn’t show him that I miss him so much. I don’t show, and he says how he likes that I’m always calm and drama free and make life easier. Last week he said that he loves me. He proudly introduces me as his girlfriend, tells me that I’m a perfect girlfriend and that we are great together. He texted me today saying that he missed me, but when I asked if he wants to take a walk after work, he said that his feet haven’t healed yet, and he plans to go to bed early. He ran a marathon over the weekend and got some blisters, but he was perfectly fine walking in flip flops for the rest of the weekend - we hiked to the waterfall and walked around a lake.

So now I’m missing him so badly again and have trouble focusing on work or any other activities.

Have you considered that he may be dating others perhaps? You have only been a 'couple' for 2 months. That is a very short time. How do you know that you are 'exclusive'? I don't know, but it seems that either you a suffocating him by being so needy or he is also still dating others. Just because you have sex with him and he tells you that you are the 'perfect girlfriend' doesn't mean that you are exclusive. He is getting free sex and he's probably not about to give this up, so he may just tell you what you want to hear at that moment. I'd proceed with caution and get therapy before getting more entangled in ANY love relationship at this time. It is clear that you are definitely not meant to be in a FWB situation.

I doubt that he is dating others. Since the beginning of January, we’ve spent all the weekends together (e.g., I come to his place on Friday evening and stay until Monday morning), he offered me to become his girlfriend “just you and me”, he clearly said that he wants a deep emotional connection, he cares about me a ton. If we don’t see each other for 4 days, we have sex in two minutes after we meet and then have it 4 more times that day - chemistry is insane. We just spent 3 days and nights together, two of those in a cabin with a hot tub, and after so much sex and running a marathon why would he go meet somebody else next day?

I'm not sure how old you are, OP, and how old your boyfriend is, but men are absolutely capable over having sex with multiple women and parallel dating. I don't think that he is having sex with others from what you describe above, but it feels that you are crowding him and that is why he is not wanting to see you every single day. This can get overwhelming to a man real quick and while he may enjoy the sex, he may start looking elsewhere to find a better connection while still enjoying sex with you. You might also be in a deep state of limerence. This can absolutely feel like this.

In college I had a boyfriend who would only spend weekends with me because he wanted to “keep the relationship fresh”. I thought this was romantic but when my mom heard about it she immediately exclaimed “because he’s got other girlfriends.”

At least he was upfront about that schedule. My boyfriend just prefers being spontaneous during the week I guess, and he doesn’t know how he is going to feel on a given day - depending on the workload and workouts. It’s also a new relationship, and every week is a bit different but it looks like we typically meet on Thursday and stay together until Sunday evening. For me, it would make more sense to spend a night together mid-week and then Saturday-Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you're a mess. Stop and get your shiz together. Ypu have a husband, a boyfriend of 2 months you're crying over, and a 3rd dude you passionately kissed to distract you from missing your boyfriend....who is actually also a distraction from your marriage dissolution.

Breathe. Be alone. Live your life. This is crazy.

My boyfriend is not a distraction. I was looking for someone like him very intentionally. I’ve never had any emotional connection with my husband, so it’s not like I need time to recover from our separation. We spoke over the phone yesterday as if nothing happened. Our child is getting married soon, we’ll have to act as a couple at the wedding I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you're a mess. Stop and get your shiz together. Ypu have a husband, a boyfriend of 2 months you're crying over, and a 3rd dude you passionately kissed to distract you from missing your boyfriend....who is actually also a distraction from your marriage dissolution.

Breathe. Be alone. Live your life. This is crazy.

My boyfriend is not a distraction. I was looking for someone like him very intentionally. I’ve never had any emotional connection with my husband, so it’s not like I need time to recover from our separation. We spoke over the phone yesterday as if nothing happened. Our child is getting married soon, we’ll have to act as a couple at the wedding I guess.

How did you have no emotional connection to a man you were married to for 20 years? Even if you didn’t love him when you married, isn’t there something there after all of that time and having kids with him?