How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you're a mess. Stop and get your shiz together. Ypu have a husband, a boyfriend of 2 months you're crying over, and a 3rd dude you passionately kissed to distract you from missing your boyfriend....who is actually also a distraction from your marriage dissolution.

Breathe. Be alone. Live your life. This is crazy.

My boyfriend is not a distraction. I was looking for someone like him very intentionally. I’ve never had any emotional connection with my husband, so it’s not like I need time to recover from our separation. We spoke over the phone yesterday as if nothing happened. Our child is getting married soon, we’ll have to act as a couple at the wedding I guess.

How did you have no emotional connection to a man you were married to for 20 years? Even if you didn’t love him when you married, isn’t there something there after all of that time and having kids with him?

I’ve never had feelings for him and have never had any emotional connection with him. I’d lived my life with him being half-numb, half-dead, and then unexpectedly met someone who woke me up and made me feel alive again (we’ve never dated, we worked remotely on the same team), and now I feel very alive and feel everything very intensely.

[Anonymous]

Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can tell you how this is going to play out. Your 'boyfriend' is going to stay for a while because he is getting laid frequently and he will enjoy your attention and also provide attention back to you (just enough) in order to continue the intimacy. I'm not saying that he doesn't like you, but your need for closeness will eventually crowd him and push him away and it seems that he is already putting down boundaries to make sure that this doesn't get out of hand for him. You may try to suppress your need to be close at all times, but that's not really you and it will show up in anxiety and you will seek advice from friends and strangers on the internet on what to do. Your best bet would be to go to therapy with someone very qualify in attachment disorders who can help you identify the root cause of your issues. I also do not believe that you spent 20 years numb and half dead. There's more to the story and we are not hearing your husband's side. I truly feel sorry for you because unless you get help for yourself, this will be a never ending cycle. You mentioned that you are in your 40's, but your story reads like someone in their late teens or early 20's. It feels like you stopped growing and developing as an adult in your teens and you still have this same mindset. It sounds strange for someone in their 40's. I strongly urge you to get help. You seem financially well off and it should not be an issue to find a qualify psychologist to assist with these issues though it may take YEARS to work through them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

At least her husband got away.

[Anonymous]

You’re explaining classic songs of addiction. I can’t imagine dating two months after separation or divorce going well for anyone. You are on the rebound and these men are serving as short term bandages. You may not even like them. I’d suggest getting into therapy and focusing on yourself and making sure your kids if you have them (even if young adults) are managing alright.
LCSW-C

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re explaining classic songs of addiction. I can’t imagine dating two months after separation or divorce going well for anyone. You are on the rebound and these men are serving as short term bandages. You may not even like them. I’d suggest getting into therapy and focusing on yourself and making sure your kids if you have them (even if young adults) are managing alright.
LCSW-C

*signs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can tell you how this is going to play out. Your 'boyfriend' is going to stay for a while because he is getting laid frequently and he will enjoy your attention and also provide attention back to you (just enough) in order to continue the intimacy. I'm not saying that he doesn't like you, but your need for closeness will eventually crowd him and push him away and it seems that he is already putting down boundaries to make sure that this doesn't get out of hand for him. You may try to suppress your need to be close at all times, but that's not really you and it will show up in anxiety and you will seek advice from friends and strangers on the internet on what to do. Your best bet would be to go to therapy with someone very qualify in attachment disorders who can help you identify the root cause of your issues. I also do not believe that you spent 20 years numb and half dead. There's more to the story and we are not hearing your husband's side. I truly feel sorry for you because unless you get help for yourself, this will be a never ending cycle. You mentioned that you are in your 40's, but your story reads like someone in their late teens or early 20's. It feels like you stopped growing and developing as an adult in your teens and you still have this same mindset. It sounds strange for someone in their 40's. I strongly urge you to get help. You seem financially well off and it should not be an issue to find a qualify psychologist to assist with these issues though it may take YEARS to work through them.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I actually feel much better today, on day 3 after our trip. I do think that my body produces way too much dopamine and oxytocin when we are together, and that’s why I feel awful for the following two days when the hormone levels drop, it feels like a withdrawal.

We’ll see how my relationship with my boyfriend develops. Thus far, it’s been really good when we are together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

I mean this gently but, you really need to keep going to therapy and being honest with your therapist you your patterns here. These intense attachments snd inability to take breaks are not typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

The guy that I wrote about last year made me feel alive again, and after I finally got a closure from him, I was able to detach and start looking for a real relationship and found it. Nobody will ever be able to guess as to what happened between us last fall. I can share later though.

My husband is fine. He loves me and encourages me to buy a nice house in my new city, using our joint savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re explaining classic songs of addiction. I can’t imagine dating two months after separation or divorce going well for anyone. You are on the rebound and these men are serving as short term bandages. You may not even like them. I’d suggest getting into therapy and focusing on yourself and making sure your kids if you have them (even if young adults) are managing alright.
LCSW-C

*signs

PP again. You may also consider SLAA meetings. There are plenty online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

The guy that I wrote about last year made me feel alive again, and after I finally got a closure from him, I was able to detach and start looking for a real relationship and found it. Nobody will ever be able to guess as to what happened between us last fall. I can share later though.

My husband is fine. He loves me and encourages me to buy a nice house in my new city, using our joint savings.

This is a troll - 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

The guy that I wrote about last year made me feel alive again, and after I finally got a closure from him, I was able to detach and start looking for a real relationship and found it. Nobody will ever be able to guess as to what happened between us last fall. I can share later though.

My husband is fine. He loves me and encourages me to buy a nice house in my new city, using our joint savings.

This is so delulu. So many trolls writing erotic fiction on here, getting their jollies off in front of an unsuspecting public. It’s gross!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same Op: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1290168.page#30708469

Yes, that’s me, and my relationship with that man progressed in such a dramatic way. Because of that I was finally able to detach from him and become ready for a real relationship with someone. Too bad they locked that thread, the rest of the story that unfolded in October-November was quite epic.

Wait, so the guy in the quoted post and the guy in the OP are two DIFFERENT guys? And that situation ended in November and you started seeing OP guy in January?

This is beyond therapy. Get thee to a nunnery! Your poor, poor husband.

The guy that I wrote about last year made me feel alive again, and after I finally got a closure from him, I was able to detach and start looking for a real relationship and found it. Nobody will ever be able to guess as to what happened between us last fall. I can share later though.

My husband is fine. He loves me and encourages me to buy a nice house in my new city, using our joint savings.

This is a troll - 100%

How am I a troll? I’d lived with my husband for more than 20 years and had always been faithful to him, had never even kissed any other man over all those years. So he still has feelings for me and wants me to be happy. He also doesn’t know that I have a boyfriend, although I told him that I’m going to date after I move out.